In all honesty, it feels like I almost forgot that this year is coming to a close. Been taking it day by day with things going on lately that I'd lost track of time and at the same time dreaded the days passing by.
But I wanted to thank many folks on here who have supported me this year. To those who have helped me, made me smile with their creations and also checked up on me. Truly, you have my gratitude. I apologize not to list everyone, I'd hope you know who you are. I apologize I haven't been as interactive and on my end, increasingly reclusive. But I do hope that you are all well.
I was a bit apprehensive to post, for fear of dampening spirits and moods on my account. I have not been okay, and as folks have told me, its okay to not be okay.
While this post is an honest cry for help, I couldn't fathom the idea of not paying forward at least some advice for those who are facing similar circumstances.
I can see that there are many others who are having a rough go and are also trudging along this year's finish line like a broken down vehicle.
So I wanted to remind everyone (along with myself) that we can work to make next year with each day, a better one. Even if you are burnt out emotionally, physically and spiritually; you can always find grace and gratitude if you look for it. You can make it through the day, tomorrow can be better.
As an infantryman, I've learned the merits of always improving your fighting position. In life, you have to take steps, however small, to improve your own fighting position to have better quality of life for yourself and others. Even if you are like me and experiencing your own "Failure Mode," remember that in the defeated lies a victor to emerge.
I've been in survival mode for some time and in a downward spiral wrestling with my chronic depression, anxiety and executive dysfunctions, but I wanted to pass onto others also having a difficult time that they can hang on and push forward.
Remember the basics, take baby steps to improve things like your sleep, hygiene and diet. Eat something light and accessible if you have lost appetite. Keep it simple and have all your hygiene items ready in the shower so you have less effort to knock those out. If you can't get yourself out of bed, focus on small steps like getting a toe out of your blanket and finding the floor, slinky yourself out of bed like a snake if that's what it takes.
Be mindful of the signs and symptoms of when you are falling in that downward spiral. Sometimes when you are in the thick of that, you might not realize just how deep you are and that you need help getting back up. Understand when it is time that you need help, from professional help and your personal support system if feasible.
BetterHelp. Suicide Helplines. Veteran Crisis Lines. Rental assistance. Community food pantries. The list goes on. Many of the woes we face, there are so many out there who are willing and desiring to help you. Sometimes, the most difficult step is seeking help.
Take those steps to get help and improve your situation little by little, if at least to hang on longer through highs and lows.
(Everything else after this is my own venting, things I need to write for cathartic reasons. But as I don't want to hamper anyone or trigger anyone who is facing similar issues, please only read if you are in a good headspace or want to listen. In either case, you have my gratitude for even reading any of this.)