You know what, I'm not usually the kind to reblog with commentary, but I really want to tell you all the story of the most awkward, surreal meal of my entire life.
So a few years ago, I was going on a road trip with my parents and their dog, Loki. My parents were teachers at my middle/high school and are still on fairly good terms with some of their former students, so when we went through a major city in the PNW, we decided to stop and have dinner with one of them.
Now... X was not in my grade, but it was a very small school. So I'd say that I knew him a little, but not nearly as well as my parents did. I was just along for the ride, though, and it was fine. I'd get food.
We show up to his place and he lets us leave my parents' dog in his living room, and my parents set up the travel crate that we'd been hauling around with us for this purpose. X asks a lot of questions about the crate, but we just kind of assumed that he was considering getting a dog, so we don't think anything of it.
You might already be seeing where this is going, but I certainly didn't.
We end up going to a pretty fancy place for dinner. My parents are doing better now and they wanted to treat him. It's one of those really chic, loud restaurants, though, and no one in my family can hear very well. That said, I'm seated across from X, so I'm doing all right.
All's going well, conversation is going smoothly, until X takes a deep breath and starts talking about puppy play.
He starts telling us about this really cool community that he's been into lately, and it's become really important to him. And it's -- no, its not a sex thing, it's totally not a sex thing, he just really likes to be leashed and treated like a dog.
I think it's probably actually less weird if it's a sex thing, but I don't say that. I just nod my head. I look at my parents.
Personally, I think that people should do whatever makes them happy, even if I feel that puppy play is a lot to drop on a person you barely know after a decade of not seeing them, all while in a very fancy restaurant. My parents, though, are... well, they're not nearly as conservative as they used to be, but they still get shocked relatively easily.
They are just placidly eating their food, though, nodding occasionally, and I realize with mounting horror that they cannot hear him. I am the only person at this entire table who is hearing X pour his heart out about buying ears and a tail.
He tells us that his "roommate" isn't actually his roommate. It's his master. "Oh," my mother says. "That's nice."
I am just. eating my food.
X gets a little teary at this point. Tells us how much it means to him that we're all so accepting, especially my parents. He tells them that they were his favorite teachers growing up, so their approval means a lot.
They nod vaguely in return and I am dying inside.
We finally finish and go back to his place. Pick up our dog, say good night to X. He's deliriously happy and I figure, y'know, all's well that ends well.
We get in the car and sit there in silence for a moment, and then I say, cautiously, "You guys took the puppy play thing pretty well."
"THAT'S WHAT HE WAS SAYING?" my poor partially deaf mother yelled.
"WHAT'S PUPPY PLAY?" my dad asks, just wanting to be included.
I begin the very painful process of telling my (at the time) 55yo father what puppy play is and he's quiet for a minute, digesting this. Then he asks, "Is that why he kept asking all those questions about the dog crate? I sent him a link so he could buy one right before we left."
And uh anyway that's the story of the most awkward night of my life.
