@barbiehandlrr / barbiehandlrr.tumblr.com
Summary: Jacob Palmer's world has tilted, and for the first time, he is completely alone. Warnings: Suicide, suicide of parent, death of parent, implied child abuse, implied alcoholism, suicidal ideation, derogatory language about mental illness/suicide
coming in hot with an angsty jacob palmer fic
i love just getting on here and yapping about colt and ken tbh
CW: Heavy implications of domestic violence
colt, for his part, realizes he's in love with ken long before they even get together.
ken's still with patrick at the time, and colt hates it, though he doesn't say a word. patrick has him under lock and key. it's rare that patrick allows ken to go anywhere without him anymore, and colt isn't going to spoil it.
especially not when ken is having fun, not when he keeps giving colt a grin that he knows is only meant for him.
not patrick.
him.
patrick doesn't deserve ken. doesn't deserve his kindness, the love he has for everything around him, his eagerness to help anyone in trouble. he sure as hell doesn't deserve the love ken gives to him.
colt doesn't bother trying to convince himself that he isn't in love. not when he dreams of being with ken, aches to show him how he should be treated, how he wants to shower him in all the love and praise that he deserves, to show him the affection that he's starved for.
but colt's scared, too. not of ken, and sure as hell not of patrick. he wouldn't throw the first punch, but he could take the other man if it came down to it. no, he's terrified of what patrick might do to ken, how ken will be punished if his partner found out about colt's feelings.
it's getting harder to stay quiet. ken's resentment toward patrick grows stronger by the day.
but anytime the words start to bubble up, colt smothers them down.
he's in love with ken. and if that means keeping keeping quiet so the other man will stay out of danger?
then so be it.
what do you think about the holland x colt ship? (my friends have been telling me about this and i don't know what to think)
i've never considered it before this moment but you know what? i can see it bc they'd be chaotic af together
HEARTBREAKING: coworker you had normal casual conversations with reveals their rancid political views one day and you can never look at them the same
within fifteen minutes i have found two different grown adult men who have dating app profiles that say their worst fear is:
werewolves.
one was funny. two is like... hang on, do we actually have a werewolf problem in this town?
jesus christ I just found a third guy who's afraid of werewolves. what the fuck is happening here
CW: Heavy implications of domestic violence
colt, for his part, realizes he's in love with ken long before they even get together.
ken's still with patrick at the time, and colt hates it, though he doesn't say a word. patrick has him under lock and key. it's rare that patrick allows ken to go anywhere without him anymore, and colt isn't going to spoil it.
especially not when ken is having fun, not when he keeps giving colt a grin that he knows is only meant for him.
not patrick.
him.
patrick doesn't deserve ken. doesn't deserve his kindness, the love he has for everything around him, his eagerness to help anyone in trouble. he sure as hell doesn't deserve the love ken gives to him.
colt doesn't bother trying to convince himself that he isn't in love. not when he dreams of being with ken, aches to show him how he should be treated, how he wants to shower him in all the love and praise that he deserves, to show him the affection that he's starved for.
but colt's scared, too. not of ken, and sure as hell not of patrick. he wouldn't throw the first punch, but he could take the other man if it came down to it. no, he's terrified of what patrick might do to ken, how ken will be punished if his partner found out about colt's feelings.
it's getting harder to stay quiet. ken's resentment toward patrick grows stronger by the day.
but anytime the words start to bubble up, colt smothers them down.
he's in love with ken. and if that means keeping keeping quiet so the other man will stay out of danger?
then so be it.
I'm hetero but I have a tendency to fetishize gay male characters sometimes and I hate it. I know it's a sin, but also even the gay community would be mad at me for fettishizing them. It's like a lose, lose situation on every side. Pray for me if you have a moment. ♡
You know I remember a moment I held Shiro (from Voltron) at an idol position.
I would draw him, I would read fan fictions on him, lots of other things… *ahem*
Anyways, when I came stronger in my faith I told God I’d choose him over Shiro if I had to.
And guess what. God put me to the test.
Shiro came out as gay and I was DEVASTATED. But I knew I had to let it go. I couldn’t worship sin. I couldn’t accept him, I had to let him go.
So I chose God over Shiro.
Here’s the thing; interests come and go, they’ll change overtime, but God will always stay the same. He’ll always be there.
Gods worth it!
I started calling her Joanne as a joke months ago but apparently she actually really fucking hates being called Joanne lol
So the anti trans bigot demands that we all call her by her preferred name? Interesting.
want to ramble about colt and ken but i fear being Annoying so y’all get my long winded blurbs instead 🥰
ken realizes that he’s in love with colt on a quiet saturday afternoon.
they’ve been together for six months. ken’s been spending the night more often. he tells himself that it’s because of patrick. he doesn’t feel safe at home anymore, the home he worked so damn hard for.
and yes, it’s true. he feels unsafe at home, and colt makes him feel safe. but it’s more than that.
he looks at colt, tongue sticking out in concentration while ken attempts to teach him how to bake a raspberry pie. it’s a little quirk of his, and ken doubts his partner is even aware of it. he bobs his head to the music playing softly from ken’s phone, and ken just barely hears him singing under his breath.
ken wishes colt would sing more, but it’s one of the few things he’s shy about.
he laughs when he notices just a hint of raspberry on colt’s chin.
“how did you even do that?” ken smirks as he gently wipes it away with his thumb. colt grins at him. it’s a different smile, one he has just for ken, and barbie has pointed out more than once that he looks at colt the same way.
lovesick, she’d called it, but he’d denied it at the time. it was too fresh, too new. he’s not healed from patrick yet. he can’t be “lovesick,” whatever that means.
colt pulls him in for a quick kiss. his lips taste like raspberries. so he has been sneaking them! ken knew it.
“guess you’ll just have to pay closer attention, won’t ya?”
if it were patrick, he would’ve been taunting. cruel. but colt is teasing, and ken thinks that maybe, colt wants him to keep looking.
as though ken would want to look at anyone else. as though ken would want anyone else holding his hand, calling him beautiful, telling him he’s lovely. as though ken would ever want to kiss anyone else, to bake with anyone else, to serenade on a sunday morning, only half joking.
as though he’d want to be anywhere but with colt.
he’s never felt anything like this before.
ken thinks that, maybe, this is what love is supposed to feel like.
ken realizes that he’s in love with colt on a quiet saturday afternoon.
they’ve been together for six months. ken’s been spending the night more often. he tells himself that it’s because of patrick. he doesn’t feel safe at home anymore, the home he worked so damn hard for.
and yes, it’s true. he feels unsafe at home, and colt makes him feel safe. but it’s more than that.
he looks at colt, tongue sticking out in concentration while ken attempts to teach him how to bake a raspberry pie. it’s a little quirk of his, and ken doubts his partner is even aware of it. he bobs his head to the music playing softly from ken’s phone, and ken just barely hears him singing under his breath.
ken wishes colt would sing more, but it’s one of the few things he’s shy about.
he laughs when he notices just a hint of raspberry on colt’s chin.
“how did you even do that?” ken smirks as he gently wipes it away with his thumb. colt grins at him. it’s a different smile, one he has just for ken, and barbie has pointed out more than once that he looks at colt the same way.
lovesick, she’d called it, but he’d denied it at the time. it was too fresh, too new. he’s not healed from patrick yet. he can’t be “lovesick,” whatever that means.
colt pulls him in for a quick kiss. his lips taste like raspberries. so he has been sneaking them! ken knew it.
“guess you’ll just have to pay closer attention, won’t ya?”
if it were patrick, he would’ve been taunting. cruel. but colt is teasing, and ken thinks that maybe, colt wants him to keep looking.
as though ken would want to look at anyone else. as though ken would want anyone else holding his hand, calling him beautiful, telling him he’s lovely. as though ken would ever want to kiss anyone else, to bake with anyone else, to serenade on a sunday morning, only half joking.
as though he’d want to be anywhere but with colt.
he’s never felt anything like this before.
ken thinks that, maybe, this is what love is supposed to feel like.
one of my favorite things about the ryan gosling fandom is that his characters, as a collective, are called “the geese”
look, guys, this may seem ironic coming from a person with Verbose Disease, but I'm about to tell you the secret to winning social media: shutting the fuck up. you have a controversial discourse opinion? shut the fuck up and no one will know. can't participate in a boycott for various reasons? shut the fuck up and no one will know. you think or do something Problematic that has no bearing on anyone but yourself? shut the fuck up and no one will know. you haven't been keeping up on a pressing social issue? shut the fuck up and no one will know. your mind is a wonderful place where you can have all the bad takes in the world and they're all perfectly insulated from everyone and everything unless you try to excise them on a grand scale. you can take the mental L all by yourself without using a public platform as a confession booth and face zero repercussions and it'll be just fine. open up a damn diary and explain yourself there.
why is he so PRETTY
this is your gentle reminder to stop fighting against your adhd and instead structure your life around it
buy a pack of chapsticks and put one in the pocket of all of your coats and jackets because you always forget to bring one and chapped lips is sensory hell
leave important things where you can see them. if they go in a box or a drawer you will forget they exist
put any appointments or deadlines in your phone calendar As Soon As you get them. set a reminder for a week before, a day before, an hour before, as many as you need as often as you need them.
when that little voice in your head says "i dont need to write that down, ill remember it" that is the devil talking!!! write it down anyway!!
plan for down time. have a few hours at the end of every day to just do fun stuff like engage in your hyperfixations. even if you didnt get all of your work done that day, have the rest anyway. you probably spent the whole day beating yourself up for not doing what you Should be doing, so you still need the break.
if you never eat vegetables because its too much effort to chop and cook them, get the frozen or canned shit. it doesnt go off for ages and you just have to microwave it. theres no point buying fresh vegetables if they just keep going off and being left to rot in the bottom of your fridge
if you struggle to decide what to have for dinner every day, take the decision out of it. choose a set of meals and eat those on rotation until you get sick of them, then choose some new ones and do it again.
its not stupid if it works! our brains literally have a chemical deficiency. you are allowed to accommodate yourself. go forth and stop making your life more difficult than it has to be because "this shouldn't be this hard". it is hard, so make it easier.
