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My Fandom Is Bitlife

@phantomtomato / phantomtomato.tumblr.com

Welcome to bible study
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The last one

Also good on these people for taking the aggressively petty route instead of falsely registering their pets as service animals

I love how everyone intentionally interpreted this not as “your dog must be small” but “your dog must be in a bag”

“aww cute!! big doggies in ba-”

Image

*cry-laughing as i hit the reblog button*

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lilietsblog

I’m going to point out that this sounds like the system working as intended bc if your dog is actually currently in a bag its not going to like, run off and bother other passengers or piss/shit where is not supposed to.

Like, yep. This works. If your dog’s well behaved enough to stay in a bag, THAT’s when it’s allowed on the subway.

That last comment was my EXACT thought.

This is actually one of the most effective kinds of laws, because it tricks people into complying with the spirit of the law by making them think theyre rebelling against the letter of the law.

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reblogged

i love working to the sound of someone else losing their marbles. this is my favorite genre of youtube video

oh, he’s lost it, lost it.

Ted Nivison is professionally insane so I’m not surprised

Ted Nivison is

professionally insane

so I’m not surprised

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

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mapsontheweb

The Pacific Ocean is huge.

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ofthefog

If they make an earth flag it should be of this angle to piss off the most amount of people

None Earth with South New Zealand

The amount of time you have to spend on this website to still remember the Deep Lore like None Pizza with Left Beef, only to apply it to this post. Truly, boggling.

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reblogged

In love with this

we have to spread this around so this dudes hapless victims can go "YOU!!!"

we have to spread this

around so this dudes hapless

victims can go “YOU!!!”

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

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reblogged

obsessed w this. the fact that brennan is quite literally speechless.

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rockshitty

I never get tired of this video. The comedic density is off the fucking charts.

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superdillin

this is how I learned that Grant and I have been to the same sex parties.

The number of dicks that separate Grant and I is probably a lot lower than I would have guessed.

this is how I learned

that Grant and I have been to

the same sex parties.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

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reblogged
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librafolie

Important information for writers who aren’t British but like to try to sound British in their British-y fanfiction 

“You need tea” - you are having, or just had, a medical emergency. This tea will have like 3 sugars and milk in no matter how you normally take your tea.

When I gave birth they kept bringing me cups of very sweet tea until I drank one

Even when covered in blood and being stitched up

“Do you want some tea?” I’ve something to say and I’m nervous about it

“Do you want some tea?”

I’ve something to say and I’m

nervous about it

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

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reblogged

starting a collection of people who obliterate their food in impossible ways.

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cipher-wise
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gpedia

how do you manage to convert food into red coal not once but twice

how do you manage

to convert food into red

coal not once but twice

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

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movemequotes

Once a little boy went to school. One morning The teacher said: “Today we are going to make a picture.” “Good!” thought the little boy. He liked to make all kinds; Lions and tigers, Chickens and cows, Trains and boats; And he took out his box of crayons And began to draw.

But the teacher said, “Wait!” “It is not time to begin!” And she waited until everyone looked ready. “Now,” said the teacher, “We are going to make flowers.” “Good!” thought the little boy, He liked to make beautiful ones With his pink and orange and blue crayons. But the teacher said “Wait!” “And I will show you how.” And it was red, with a green stem. “There,” said the teacher, “Now you may begin.”

The little boy looked at his teacher’s flower Then he looked at his own flower. He liked his flower better than the teacher’s But he did not say this. He just turned his paper over, And made a flower like the teacher’s. It was red, with a green stem.

On another day The teacher said: “Today we are going to make something with clay.” “Good!” thought the little boy; He liked clay. He could make all kinds of things with clay: Snakes and snowmen, Elephants and mice, Cars and trucks And he began to pull and pinch His ball of clay.

But the teacher said, “Wait!” “It is not time to begin!” And she waited until everyone looked ready. “Now,” said the teacher, “We are going to make a dish.” “Good!” thought the little boy, He liked to make dishes. And he began to make some That were all shapes and sizes.

But the teacher said “Wait!” “And I will show you how.” And she showed everyone how to make One deep dish. “There,” said the teacher, “Now you may begin.”

The little boy looked at the teacher’s dish; Then he looked at his own. He liked his better than the teacher’s But he did not say this. He just rolled his clay into a big ball again And made a dish like the teacher’s. It was a deep dish.

And pretty soon The little boy learned to wait, And to watch And to make things just like the teacher. And pretty soon He didn’t make things of his own anymore.

Then it happened That the little boy and his family Moved to another house, In another city, And the little boy Had to go to another school.

The teacher said: “Today we are going to make a picture.” “Good!” thought the little boy. And he waited for the teacher To tell what to do. But the teacher didn’t say anything. She just walked around the room.

When she came to the little boy She asked, “Don’t you want to make a picture?” “Yes,” said the little boy. “What are we going to make?” “I don’t know until you make it,” said the teacher. “How shall I make it?” asked the little boy. “Why, anyway you like,” said the teacher. “And any color?” asked the little boy. “Any color,” said the teacher. And he began to make a red flower with a green stem.

~Helen Buckley, The Little Boy

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lynati

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bogleech

I hate that I hesitated to reblog this just because I expect people to think it’s pretentious or melodramatic when it’s seriously real as fuck and I’ve witnessed it

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stellabat

Fuck man

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bajn

on this day one year ago someone sewed a fried egg to a tshirt

this is your only day to reblog this for a year

i missed my chance last year so this has been in my queue for 364 days

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ferrosparrow

Happy 10th anniversary of someone sewing a fried egg to a tshirt

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