hello gtms is being discussed again i want to be honest again about things
i read the post from showrunnerihardlyknowher. I really am awful with words and articulating these kinds of things but a lot of what she talked about was true, not that that needs coming from me. I’ve avoided talking about the mess i made again after i apologized the last time because truthfully i don’t know how to address it properly, but i’ll try,
I messed up horrendously and i cost a brilliant creator her passion and her comfort and her project. i didn’t listen to her boundaries or suggestions for change. i won’t defend my actions. From what i know from friends it sent a ripple through the gt community as well. I dragged you all into it too, and i know many of you are rightfully angry and hurt. i wish i knew how to fix everything. i’ve never regretted anything more in my life, no excitement or fixation or anything was worth what happened to iris. i ruined a good thing and hurt somebody i deeply cared about. it’s been almost exactly a year to the date of the final convo and i haven’t stopped thinking about it for a day. Everything i do is now punctuated by these mistakes, i’ve spent the last year ruminating on every time i’d suddenly remember that i had actually run past a boundary or bulldozed over her, which are things i was too self focused and tunnel-visioned to realize, and i’ve done nothing but try to be better every day. i never want this to happen to anyone because of me again, especially not my own friends. And being tunnel visioned or excited or whatever definitely isn’t an excuse for anything that happened, god knows it doesn’t matter in the scheme of the destruction. I only address any of my emotions now to denote how seriously i take what i did, i do not want to weaponize them. I don’t want sympathy and i don’t want anyone defending me.
and to the point that there were few consequences for me, it’s true, i’m still here and i still have a following that was partly built on that art while she was forced out. it’s not fair. I’ve reflected on this for a year and i’ve taken every lesson i can from this situation but in truth i don’t know what’s right to do next. i wish i knew what to say, or do, i just know i make an effort to the best of my current ability so that i’ll never end up doing the same awful things to anyone again. Again, to everyone i owe, i’m so sorry. I know no apology can satisfy the kind of hurt i’ve inflicted, i just know i’ll never let this happen again.
edit: again, as opposed to commenting for support for me i’d appreciate it if we directed that support to writers and creators you love. reblog a fic and support a writer rather than give me sympathy for hurting one