Laos has been treating us kind.

The little hiccups that travel brings, come and go. I feel us getting more confident in our abilities to go with the flow, I feel myself getting more confident. One of my biggest struggles in life is clear and layed out in my journal. The food is amazing, except for the food poisining from a few days ago. The sun is shining and we saw a blue sky for the first time because of burning season. The burning season is not as bad as i expected. Today i found a really good tea that i liked.

Laos has been treating us kind, life has been kind, the people have been kind.

Its so hot, and it is burning season....

26.02

Life is pretty simple. Wake up, get ready, maybe journal a little bit, drink coffee, thee or hot chocolate and get out the door.

Eat good food, have great connections, laugh, learn, listen, read, feel, expand.

Unplug, write and put important things down on paper and into your head.

Tune in to the rythm of it all and make sure you clean your garden or fountain every one in a while.

Life can be pretty simple like that.

Hi stranger!

These last few days the weather here in Vietnam has been incredibly cold (read 20 degrees). With rain and wind, i have been wearing a jacket and sweaters most of the time. It funny how as soon as the weather turns slightly towards winter, my body and cravings turn with it. I have been wanting hot choc so bad, and some warm thee, watching a good winter movie and getting out of bed later and getting cozied up earlier. I have missed this winter completely so it is nice when it pokes its head out of the ground once in a while.

Its almost march and soon its time to leave for Laos, but not before we go to sapa, hike and do the Ha Giang loop! I cant wait to see some more nature of Vietnam. With the bells of march almost ringing, the journey is coming to an end on the 31st. What have i learned? What did i discover? So many reflective questions to answer.

What am i going to do when i get back? My friend updated her linkedin today, i should be doing that. Anyway, the future exites me and scares me at the same time

28.01.24

Just arrived in Sydney. My dinner was airplane food and half a bag of chips 🥲.

17.01.24 a mess

The moon is getting full and so is my head. Both feet on the ground. Breathe in, breathe out.

You will be fine.

11.01.24 Voices and faces

Do you ever hear a voice in you say "stop dont do that!" Or "are you sure?" That could be called intuition. But in my case it could also be called anxiety. I long to hear my inner voice, my wise woman call from deep within to lead me in this journey we call life. But sadly i also have this voice in me thats is overprotective, insecure and scared. How do i distinguish those two warning bells when heading to uncertain situations?

Today i was met with a choice. Go do a hike that could go wrong or dont do this hike that could go wrong. My 2 friends wanted to do the hike. The tides werent really in our favor and we could only attempt it with a low tide. This is a situation where i tend to listen to my inner voice and ask "should i do it? Give me a sign please." Alarmbells where blaring in my mind, "dont do it, it could be dangerous!" But is this intuition or anxiety? My friends left it up to me, if i said no to the hike, we wouldnt do it even if they desired it so.

I didnt know, is this my intuition warning me or is this my anxiety being panicked and sheltering me. I closed my eyes and visualised a room. red lights and a few figures standing and banging against the steel walls. One small, one big and one older. There was also one figure standing in the middle room, just staring at me with determent eyes. The small one was my 9 year old self, being uncertain and scared, wanting a comfortzone. The big one was my 14 year old self wanting to hide away from the world and the old one was my mother. The figure standing in the middle of the room was my 19 year old self, the fighter, the survivor, the one who overcame and stayed strong. Looking into her eyes i knew the alarmbells where just anxiety. My mom stressing and clinging to a save haven, the young one wanting to know everything for sure/control about the situation and my teen self not wanting to face a challenge. Their intentions being pure, but preventing me from experiencing the most beautiful hike i could do in the area.

This situation gave me insight in how i could test if it was intuition or anxiety, give the feeling, the voice a face.

25.12.23 NZ

To find your purpose in life. Follow the flow of the river and the rhythm of nature and let your gut and heart lead. Be kind and honest and follow your principles and vision.

These days i feel like my mind is in a jumble. Just totally non sensible.

The end of the year reflections are calling to me and so much has happend. In the late winter i went on 2 trips, one with my found family and one with my real family. Both trips where amazing. I also got a internship going at that point and i was working my ass off for the last projects. I can dub this season as wanting to rest, nest and winter, but not really doing it.

Then come spring im really starting with my bachelor thesis. Just in a routine with work and study + working out. I started training for the thriathlon sprint for a good cause. I was so fun, doing it with my friend who i also have kickboxing with. Just running, swimming in my local swimming pool and cycling on the hometrainer. I really fell in love with swimming, it is such a nice sport. I really feel like picking it up again. And not to forget april, the last couple of years april was a very hard month for me mentally, but this year i focused on aryuvedic practices to balance my body, spirit and mind. I also did a reiki course. Those 2 got me through april and the rest of the period around my thesis flawlessly. Balanced is what i would call this month. A lot, but everything was nourished and balanced. My spirit was fed with reiki, aryuveda and mindfullness, my body was nourished with good food and great workouts and my mind was occupied with study and thesis.

So summer rolls around and summer is suposed to be a season of high energy. And it was at the first half. Just having done a little thriathlon i hurled myself into my thesis. Thesis, thesis and dinner parties. I had my 21 dinner in the summer since i was so busy in spring. A lot of my friends also turned 21 which meant a lot of dinner parties, which was so nice. I love dinner parties way more then a real party. And my work for the thesis payed of, i got my bachelors degree! Insanely happy. After that i went with my mom to slovenia, a beautiful country and i absolutly fell in love with bled. A pitoresque little village, and our host took us up to the most amazing view. One of my favorite memories of the year. After that i dog sat for a few weeks just resting. But the weather was aweful, the only highlight was amsterdam pride and i finally had a plan for the upcoming years after my bachelor. Summer was a season of endings all the seeds that i so carefully had sown over the last couple years finally where ready to harvest. My studies, my friends, my relationship with my mom improved and i made some final decisions.

Come september and im working my ass of for a month in a whole food grocery store, i need some bucks if you know what i mean. Since i will be leaving in november for 5 months to go to new zealand, sydney, vietnam and laos. For the first month i would be alone, visiting my cousin and then 2 of my best friends would come along and we would travel for 4 months together. So after earning the last of my bucks im hopping on the longest flight of my life. Around 26 hours im flying. I landed in christchurch and had an amazing time, i love hostels and meeting new people and i pick up the campervan that we had bought. Everything is going great, im over the moon, my adventure is finally starting. Drive, drive, nice landscape, drive and crash. I got into an accident. Thankfully i had no injuries and i got the van insured. The car was undriveble. It took two weeks to handle the aftermath of it all. And i had to find a new van. I also had to get over my fear of driving, it got so bad i was scared to sit next to the drivers seat. So i got a new van and got over my fear at least a little bit. And im writing this from bob (the name of the new campervan) in queenstown where me and my friends would be celabrating christmas! If i could give this season one name it would be chaos. Just pure pushing at my limits, boundries and beliefs.

So first i rested (but not really) then i had a good balance for a while, but sadly that fell of and the harvest of my hard work began. After the harvest i am searching for other seeds to sow and going on a journey to push my limits and beliefs which kinda resulted in total chaos (that i got out of gracefully).

The next year (which for me starts around februari because i feel like new year starts with spring and a new moon cycle) will bring even more confusion and challenges, that i will gladly take.

October 24, 2023

Today was the day that my mom, my grandparents and me went to a photo exposition about japan between 1853-1912. It was beautiful. Photo's that peaked my interest, where the ones that went with an ethnografic undertone, and showed different kind of japanese people in different roles of society, not just samurai or geisha. I learned a ton.

Im so grateful to my grandfather and grandmother for this present.

17 october '23

Autumn is in full swing these days, when it comes to the tempature. I'm patiencely waiting for the leaves to turn orange. Will i get to see that sight before i leave?

Diary entry N°1

2.9.23

Last weekend i had a family weekend on a boat! I had so much fun and found a new appreciation for my family. Just like i predicted, my little brother didnt really participate or was emotionally available. And my mom was busy with my brother. So i just joked around with my cousins and had a lot of fun on the boat and the island. We went with a big sailing boat, like on of those old ones. This one was from the year 1901. A real dutch experience.