Found this on r/dndmemes

sans heritage post

Every time I see this I lose my marbles I love it so much. "For some reason I yelled who is in here as I was falling" is the point where my soul leaves my body. God I love.

odin is like “when thor was born the sun shone bright upon his beautiful face. i found loki on the sidewalk outside a taco bell”

Oðinn spake:

Bright the sun shone | at the time of Þor’s birth, And bathed his count'nance fair. Loki, wolf-father, | the trickster, the liar, I found on the cold pavement While returning in glory | from a grand hunt For a 3 AM quesadilla.

@damn-fuck-i-burnt-myself-again

I need this framed on my wall it’s so beautiful. 

@theshitpostcalligrapher

ay @systlin hmu

@systlin

My husband complained that this was more Shakespeare than Eddas, and I challenged him to do better.

Solen sken, skönt gyllene

Dagen Tor föddes

På trottoaren, vid Taco Bell

Där låg Loke

—KJN

My translation:

The sun shone, sweet golden

The day of Tor’s birth

On the tarmac, by Taco Bell

There lay Loki

(For poetry reasons, Thor needs the Swedish spelling.)

@bold-sartorial-statement

ay yo show ur husband 

@bold-sartorial-statement no but hang on this should be in runes: 

(oops spot the typos)

i wanna translate this into icelandic so imma do it 

Sólin skein, björt og gullin við fæðingu Þórs á stígnum við Taco Bell Þar lá Loki

The amount of quality going into these shitposts is amazing

This is not shitposting, this is transformative work!

And in Danish because why not:

Solen skinnede, skøn og gylden

På dagen for Tors fødsel

På asfalten ved Taco Bell

Dér lå Loke

“LEV MERE (LIVE MAS)”

*Snorts*

When Thor born

He hair shine brite

A very very

Magical site

But then I see

A bab from hell

I pik up loki

From taco bell

the rosetta stone of shitposting

Dead on main au where

1. Danny wears a 1/2 face mask as a ghost to make sure his parents don’t find out who he is

2. The decision to start wearing the mask was a spontaneous thing that happened at school and he stole the mask from his high school’s theater department

3. Danny moves to Gotham as soon as he turns 18 on a scholarship but it doesn’t include dorm fees.

4. Danny hides out in an abandoned theater (the attic is surprisingly well insulated!!!!) and spends most of his time there as a ghost because he can’t anywhere else in Gotham.

5. An injured Red hood limps his way into one of his favorite old hideouts (the theater obviously), and promptly passes out from blood loss with the hazy image of a masked glowing spector as the last thing he sees.

6. He wakes up enough to hear soft reassurances of safety and feel cool hands carry him with no noticeable strain.

7. Jason comes to in a giant nest of blankets with his wound neatly stitched up, a killer headache, and a sticky note wishing him well/ promising the writer didn’t leak under the helmet (a fact Jason is well aware of considering his head is very much unexploded)

8. Jason tries to leave but he passes out again and is honestly too tired to try again when he comes back around. So he just…falls asleep.

9. Jason wakes up again to warm food on an old silver tray and an empty room, not knowing Danny is watching him from the corner to make sure he doesn’t fall again. Not that Danny wouldn’t catch him again, but he’d prefer it didn’t happen at all.

In short, Danny plays elusive nurse to the dangerous red hood while Jason sees a literal ghost that lives in an abandoned theater wearing a phantom of the opera mask and decides he’s found a keeper. Clearly he appreciates the drama.

Dpxdc 180

Did Danny abuse the fact the GIW needed his parents tech. Yes of course. Danny not phantom seemed to be the trouble maker as of late. His parent threatened to withhold tech and blue prints from them if the GIW touched their kids.

Did he get caught breaking ember and boxy out of a government facility? yes. He expected the lecture he got.

The next jail break. It was not him. It was sam, Then the third. Also not him. That was Val… then it was Tucker. But not him.

The blame fell on him.

He did not expect to be shipped out of state. The GIW were happy to cover all costs. Even got him into a decent highschool. And had an apartment all arranged.

Gotham?

Not where he was expecting.

The assassination attempts. Also surprising.

Not so surprising. Tucker found out the GIW wanted to “silence” him. Offering a lot of money.

Of course his parents don’t listen. He is 15 perfectly fine to be all alone. Even if he is near some place with the nickname crime alley. Nope. He is just being dramatic. They tell him no one wants him dead.

I feel like it’s be really funny if the way that the Bats find out about Danny is if Danny was just muttering to himself in a really sarcastic tone after destroying the latest batch of assassins (also, I vote we give Danny a gun. As a treat, he deserves it). So anyway in my mind it’s like this:

Danny: *reloading his gun, very grumpily* Nooooo, Danny, the government isn’t trying to silence you by moving you to a place called Crime fuckin Alley and sending honest to god assassins after you… nooooo, that’d be ridiculous, the government isn’t mad at you at all for standing up against the genocide they’re committing….. noooo, of course not, c’mon, Danny, you’re fifteen, you’re old enough to take care of yourself. *perfectly murders yet another assassin*

Bats of your choosing (probably Jason bc Crime Alley): I’m sorry wHAT NOW

Jason was worried about the new activity. Heavy increase of hitman and assassins coming through crime alley.

His guess seeing as how none have left crime alley something big was being planned. Or they were being taken out of the competition.

He had finally tracked down where they had all been going. Some low income apartment right next to crime alley. Not the place he’d expect to see a gathering.

Not the weirdest he’s seen.

Now. This was just a reconnaissance. He needed to know what he was getting into and what was happening.

Looks like he may be getting oracle involved. It what the kid was mumbling then this was big. The kid was absolutely run down and looked annoyed. Which fair. The kid seemed to have good aim.

For now he’d need to approach the kid get him into a safe house and confirm what he was hearing.

Then the kid looked in his direction and let out an annoyed breath.

Danny: if this is another assassin attempt. I will not hesitate to shoot. So could you not?

He was going to pull a Bruce wasn’t he.

Jason (to the family): This is my son. He's currently being hunted by the government. His nam-(to Danny) What's you name?

Danny (reloading his gun): my name is Danny

Jason: his name is Danny. And I know I just met Danny, but if anything happens to Danny I will kill everyone in this Family and then myself.

Danny:(note to self, don’t tell him I'm dead)

"Congratulations, you're an uncle," Todd said as he marched past Damian, shoving teenager roughly the same age as himself at him.

"Todd you are far too young-"

"Can't talk, getting ready to commit terrorism."

"You're what?" Father shouted, storming out of the changing area half dressed, only to pause at the sight of Damian's new...nephew. "Who is this? Why is he in the cave? Jason Todd put that down!"

"That's my new son, he's here because there's assassins after him, and I need this to kill the boss of the assassins. I'll be gone for like, four days. Watch him." With that, Todd pivoted on his heel and marched back to his motorcycle, fifty pounds of explosives strapped to his back.

Damian watched it happen apathetically, and turned to Todd's son.

The teenager was gawping at the T-rex, and not paying any attention to his surroundings.

"He doesn't even know your name, does he?" Damian ventured, quietly accepting the situation even as Father jumped into the Batmobile to follow Todd.

"Huh? Oh, I'm Danny. This place is pretty sick! Who're you?"

His new nephew did not know who Robin was. Unacceptable.

"Prepare yourself for an education," Damian ordered, motioning for Daniel to follow him as he walked to the Batcomputer.

today I learned that in 2008, the city council of florence overturned dante’s sentence of execution if he returned from exile. yes, dante’s inferno dante, who died in 1321.

but the funniest part of this is not that they were debating the exile of a man who has been dead for over 500 years.

the funniest part is that the vote was 19-5. five people voted to uphold dante’s exile.

The objectively funniest part of this is actually that the city that holds his remains, Ravenna, refused to give his remains back. This was a ploy from florence to have his remains moved back for the tourist money and its been ongoing for a long time. Florence had a fake tomb built in the city to trick people into visiting, and have tried to force the return of the remains.

His actual caretakers have been very steadfast in keeping them hidden, moved, or generally out of reach to respect his choice in life to never, ever, ever return to florence, even when he was first offered the chance to return. This is at this point an almost millenium long feud that florence is really, really mad about losing

so basically the five people who wanted to uphold his exile were in the right

we need more vampire stuff that’s set really really far north on the planet. the potential… we don’t have any sunlight for a couple of months every year so they would literally be able to walk around during the day and no one would know…

"Oh but its so cold-" vampires literally wouldn't care. They would be attracting their victims by being dressed too lightly and people would be all like "oh no you are too cold, you are already cold to the touch, come inside" and then the vampire could be all "bleh!"

I have thoughts about the last part:

This is what mass consumerist art has done to the idea of selling that as a product when it's so clearly fine art. Like, with the effort she's putting in x20 for a decent wage and materials?? That's a $80,000 piece of art a member of the landed gentry would commission a year in advance for his wife on their 20th wedding anniversary. This is a priceless heirloom. How can you say "Oh yeah, I wanna buy it, you should sell them" as if you could ever turn something like this into a product??

This is fine art, period. That piece will be in a museum, or if not is should be in a museum in a hundred years.

"I hired him with a bag of hot cheetos."

"You...hired who?" Joker asked, looking around.

"My bodyguard from my hometown. I hired him." The hostage said, actually sounding bored.

"...There's no one here but you and me, kiddo, and-"

"You and I, actually. His name is Phantom, and he's here right now. Bye."

Then the kid disappeared. Literally. Him, and the bomb he'd been strapped to.

Jason's not entirely certain what's going on. The Joker seemed to have developed a hard on for targeting a single civilian (which was actually keeping casualties down, not that he cared about that), but that civilian just kept--vanishing. Poof. Like the guy was a ghost.

It was both infuriating and hilarious. All of the Bats (and Jason himself) were turning themselves inside out trying to find this guy. The only lead they had was a physical description--that fit the majority of people in the city. There was a sadly high number of black haired, blue eyed people in Gotham.

But, that was not (currently) Jason's problem. Right now, Jason's problem was the lack of groceries in his safe house, and he was working to fix that. He shopped at the small Mom & Pop place on the corner, because fuck Big Box Stores.

"No, Mom," said a voice as Jason was browsing produce. "I'm telling you, ghosts are absolutely able to be bribed." Jason glanced over and sees a teen frowning at the potatoes. Then the teen starts randomly pointing and--

--was he using Eeney Meeney Miney Mo to choose a potato?

As Jason watched, mildly disgusted and offended, the kid selected a potato at random before looking it over. "Well, did you try a hamburger? Yes, ghosts can eat; we've had this conversation before." The kid shrugged and tossed the potato into the cart.

The cart, which had sixteen bags of Flamin' Hot Cheetos.

I fear what he’s going to use that potato for

One time joker tried to nab him while shopping. Danny panicked and lobbed a potato at him before vanishing. Now he keeps a potato on him to throw at joker on purpose. Jason happened to catch him when he needed to replace it

Jason is mildly concerned about the phone call the kids having but it majorly concerned with the food the kids buying (Alfred would have a conniption)

Like “fuck off Bruce I don’t have time to interrogate the kid about his ghost bodyguard I’m trying to teach him how to make lasagna”

*meanwhile*

Hood asks Danny about maybe getting variety in bribes because flaming hot cheetos are great but if the kids been dead so long there are better options.

Also. Why waste a potato on the Joker? Here's a bunch of exploding glitter glue bombs.

I just imagined Danny throwing a balloon full of water and glitter at the joker…

so that it enters everywhere

I'll take your water and glitter balloons and raise you Japan's robber paintballs. Not only do they stain peoples skin any color you want, but they also leave a horrible stench that will last for days on their target.

DC X DP PROMPT #15

Despite what most people would think, Danny was an excellent driver. It took a lot of hard work and extra classes, but he is by far the safest driver of the family. So safe in fact that others often make fun of him for it.

'You'll get there eventually with Grandma driving!' 'It's like going even a fraction over the speed limit is gonna give you a heart attack or something'

It was fine. Danny was proud about being a safe driver. It's what he worked for! His family already contributed to enough property damage.

Driving in Gotham was a very different experience from driving in Amity. His new friends made fun of him even more now.

It was one of these playful ribs that he shot out his favorite reply (one he hadn't gotten the chance to use since moving).

"Well, you know what they say; you should only do one illegal thing at a time!" Danny thought he was hilarious (as his species was still technically illegal), the Batkid (you decide) overanalyzed (as usual).

“Tim.”

Uh oh. That was Bruce’s tired-dad voice.

“Yes…?” Tim asked slowly, turning away from the computer.

“What are you… doing?” Bruce asked.

“Research.”

“On what? You don’t have any active cases right now, and you’re not in school. It’s been six hours.”

…whoops.

“Just… my friend said he was doing something illegal,” Tim said. “I’m trying to figure out what.”

Bruce let out a sigh.

“Tim…”

“Fine! Fine.” Tim pushed away from the computer, hands in the air. “I’ll go to bed. Couldn’t find anything anyway.”

Not a single thing. Not a parking fine, parking ticket, proof he’d ever been involved in anything more sinister than living with people whose driving was on the news. There was nothing in the car.

So what could Danny be doing that was illegal? How bad was it? Was it piracy, or had he killed someone?

What was Danny hiding?

Title: Welcome Home Fandoms: Danny Phantom, DC Comics, Batman AUs: Demon Twins Warnings: Discussions of Death, Canon typical Violence, Secrets (most of those aren't applicable to the first chapter, but will happen)

Summary: When Danny accidentally catches his parents plotting against him he does the only thing he can think of: flee to the birth family he's been intentionally avoiding. Now he's got to balance getting to know them and reconnecting with his lost twin while keeping his own secrets from a family of detectives.

Now with chapter 2: Danny explains how he got to Wayne Manor to Damian and Bruce. Nobody is happy about this.

— Ruth Hubbard, “The Political Nature of ‘Human Nature’“ (via gothhabiba)

Yes.

Here, have a study (x) showing that mothers underestimate their daughter’s physical capacity from as young as 11 months old (though in reality it’s identical to that of their son’s at the same age). And if you think that parents acting on those expectations won’t alter their children’s development, then I have a sloped bridge to sell you.

#people always massively underestimate just how good even very young children are at reading social expectations#long before any kind of intellectual understanding has the chance to develop#and so a lot of “oh but you were so normal as a child”-nonsense is like#yeah i was “normal” because i could tell what you expected of me even if i didn’t know why#even small children learn what’s “taboo” for them really fucking early on#but people keep pretending like it’s all nature#but it’s not#there’s so many things i wanted to do as child i never did because i knew on some basal level *weren’t allowed for me*#i never even asked#i knew it wasn’t allowed#something something “playing seal” for those who get the reference#expectations have real physical effects#bias has its own gravity#and most people have a choice between orbiting or crashing#because it’s very hard to leave it altogether

screw it im not leaving this as tags after all

the thing they dont tell you about working with little kids is it wrecks your vocabulary. you hear a kid phrase something bizarrely in a way only a 5 year old can and now any time you lose shit youre like "it dissed appear"

every time someone tells me to be careful, in my head i repeat what one of my kids said as a small child.

i AM be carefulling.

Childe refers to seltzer as spicy water, which has dug into my vocabulary forever because it's ACCURATE.

Hhmmmm

Hmmm

Guys another DPxDC idea.

Can you imagine the unholy terror and general chaos a deaged Danny and Tim would unleash if they met?

Like say they got deaged by their creepy old man fruitloops in an attempt to make them their heirs but somehow they escape from them and both meet each other on the run.

They maybe small and with little to no memory of how they got there or where they are but they know fruitloops when they see one and thus team up to make their ways home, or at least to Gotham so Batman can help! (-Tim's idea)

Look I just want Tim being a tiny and a little feral smarty whose using that brain of his to outsmart Ra's (and Vlad) and he knows he's not meant to be tiny but his memories are foggy. And I want Danny feral vibing back, finds out he gets powers, and wants to kick the fruitloop that keeps talking mean about his dad and making kissy faces at pictures of his mom butt and also kick the other creepy old man too whose after his new best friend.

Also, I wanna see them hold hands as they run away together. (As a League base is on fire in the background)

Twin AU? Twin AU.

For the fun of the Fruitloops catching up and either fighting each other to take both, or they each catch the wrong one and has to deal with a whole no kind of chaos they were totally unprepared for.

NONE of Vlad's ghost tech or traps work on Tim, who destroying his lab.

And Ra's isn't ready for feral ghostie Danny biting everyone who tries to hold him.

>:]

(Tbh thought about making it a Twins AU but I'm leaving it open for anything tbh)

Fake Twins Au

Sure they're not biologically related, but they sure as hell look identical especially that young. Having lost their memories they themselves probably believe that they ARE twins who were separated by their respective fruitloops.

The misunderstanding is basically free real estate for a new brother once they get their memories back.

They bonded outsmarting and trolling their respective fruitloops together. If that doesn't build strong brotherly bonding I don't know what will.

I want less of "the Drakes were terrible people and parents and Bruce rescues poor sad Timmy" (not knocking the trope it just got old for me)

And more of Bruce suffering a hell of his own creation as he tries to figure out how to parent Timothy "latchkey kid" Drake, who doesn't respect the concept of having parental supervision in general and more specifically Bruce's authority as his new guardian at all, because Tim was basically his caretaker for the entire beginning of his tenure as Robin

Any kind of Parental Action would have Bruce choking in his own hypocrisy. Like... imagine trying to get your teenage son to go to bed when he's been putting your ass down for naps for like, years, by that point. Imagine telling him to eat healthier when at 13 years old he was helping your butler with designing your meal plan 'cause you were too depressed to eat

Bruce gently tries to get him to stop working on a case to take a break, and Tim raises a single withering eyebrow (he learned this from Alfred) and Bruce immediately shuts up. Tim only listens to Bruce when he wants to and being legally adopted by the man hasn't changed that

(And I want fics of the rest of the batfam reacting to this dynamic soooooooo bad)