How are you supposed to take care of your anxiety when the system is set up so everything along that path triggers your anxiety?
In order to get my medications refilled (for both the chronic physical and mental conditions, which I've been out of for 2 months, which is wreaking absolute havoc on my quality of life), I will have to call (on a PHONE) my doctor's offices in another state and explain to them that I need refills even though I haven't seen them in over a year because I just started a new job and I have to wait 3 months to be on their healthcare plan, at which point I'll have to find a new doctor anyway, but I don't want to get fired from that job in the meantime for melting down on it because I can't take my medication. And no, I can't come and see them for a checkup in another state, because, as I just mentioned, I have a new job. I also got a letter from my insurance company saying my most expensive medication isn't covered anymore, which I'm not too worried about because I'll be on another healthcare plan in a few months, but I will need SOMETHING to get me through in the meantime.
Everything about all of this calls for executive function and self-advocacy, which I just don't have right now, partially mostly because I don't have the medication. I'm using every single spoon I have (and my emergency reserves) to adjust to this new job and not act like a total weirdo. I am spending all of my executive function, functioning for executives. I cannot/will not do this for myself. I have a few people in my life who wish they could help, but they can't because of HIPAA (which I know we should have as a society but is very inconvenient for this purpose) and signing a medical power of attorney would be ludicrous and fraught with complications.
So I'm sitting here. Rocking back and forth. Trying not to cry. Knowing I'd be fine if I just had all the pills and shots I need, but totally unable to procure them for myself. Because you ought to just pick yourself up by your bootstraps and keep going with a good attitude, and you deserve to die if you don't. America is the bad place.
