reblog to fucking bite the person you reblog from

coME GET ME

I've been struggling with a lot of feelings of anger & resentment towards my parents.

As I go through recontextualizing my memories and experiences with the lens of autism, it is not possible to avoid feeling some level of resentment towards my parents. I was treated like I was lazy, purposefully difficult, and annoying my entire childhood, starting before I had even left pre-k. I didn't have a chance to develop any self esteem at all.

And as difficult as those realizations have been, being angry at my parents has been hard for me too. Because I love them. I was really close with my mother. I spent so much of my life thinking I was so lucky to have a mom like her. But now... I dont know that she was very good to me.

I was talking about this with my therapist today and she said that sometimes, in order to let go of some of our own self-loathing, we need to put the blame where it really belongs, and that is okay. I really needed to hear that. And I wanted to share it in case there is anyone like me who needs to hear it too.

I had this happen today. Just absolutely short circuited.

Gatekeeping culture is like: “don’t get your information online it’s too easy😡!!!” Then offer “find research papers online it’s really easy🙄”

Then block you.

Self diagnosing isn’t TikTok videos and random blogs. It’s literally months to years of research. There’s a lot of reasons why someone can’t get professionally diagnosed.

I’m disappointed when I go online and see my bullies are now nurses. That’s kinda the same thing when I go on here and see professionally diagnosed people who shit on undiagnosed for posting coping mechanisms.

Stop calling people “the problem” for coping. The real issue is people who post any “if you have these… you might have” THATS DANGEROUS. what isn’t dangerous is:

Advocating for diagnosis is one thing. Being a bully online is another. It’s a disability not a quirk, a lot of self diagnosed people know it’s a disability. We can identify the actual problems in the self diagnosing community but a lot of us aren’t those.

We’re valid

Men get to be autistic. Boys get to be autistic. They get to have quirks, they get to be excused, why should they have worry if others around them are comfortable. But women don't get to be autistic. Women were girls who were told they were just being rude, and if they unmask or burn out they must be mentally ill. I'm sick of it.

I don't think a lot of people realize what self diagnosis is or why it's so important.

A lot of neurodivergent people can't access a formal diagnosis. Some people can't afford it (that feels so fucked up to say... Why is medicine something we have to *afford?*). Some people can't find a doctor in their area who can diagnose them. Some people are living with family members who won't let them see a doctor or get diagnosed. And the medical system is infamous for its prejudice against women, people of color, the lower class... Especially in regards to disabilities that aren't always clearly visible, where patients can easily be written off as lairs about their own health.

These are people who have spent their entire lives struggling with things that come naturally to everyone else. For the longest time, they didn't understand why nobody else feels like screaming when the lights in the store are too bright, or why everybody seems to love communicating with secret body languages or hidden messages, or how other people can keep up with keeping the house tidy and taking care of their health and maintaining jobs and relationships when all that stuff is so complicated and exhausting.

One day, they happen to come across an autistic person discussing their experiences, and they relate to it a lot more than they feel they should have. "That's not an autistic thing, right? Doesn't everyone do that?"

Then it clicks. Maybe it is an autistic thing. And maybe they're autistic.

So these people spend a long time reading about autism to find out, "Is this what's going on? Is this why I'm struggling?" They take their past and hold it up to the light, studying it more than anyone else has cared to do before.

The voice of doubt in their head, and maybe those around them, insist, "No, you're faking it for attention. You don't look autistic. You don't deserve help. Stop pretending."

But they can't forget. All of the things that happened before, all the stress and fear and sadness they've experienced suddenly begin to make sense.

Finally, they realize: "I'm not just too stupid to understand people. I'm not just too whiny about the noise and the lights around me. I'm not just too stubborn to let go of routines. I'm not just too impatient to stop fidgeting. I'm autistic."

They might seek a doctor to confirm. They might not. Getting a formal diagnosis is incredibly difficult for many people. But ultimately, the point of self diagnosis isn't to get other people to acknowledge that they're autistic. It's for their own benefit. Now that they know they're autistic, they can start looking for ways to make their life easier, to accommodate for themselves when nobody else will. Knowing what your needs are is the first step towards fulfilling them.

Sure, there might be people who fake things for attention or think they're neurodivergent when they're not. But I think it's better to trust someone about what's going on in their own mind and give them support than to assume that they're just diagnosing themselves for fun or to harm neurodivergent people. It's better to risk helping someone who doesn't actually need it than to not help someone who actually does.

For me, personally, the main reasons I'm pretty sure I'm autistic are A) I have autistic family members, some who are formally diagnosed, and autism tends to run in families, and B) I have a lot of the characteristics of autism such as strange sensory needs (especially regarding clothes and other physical textures), strong need for routine and predictability, stimming, special interests I'd pour my life and soul into, and an inability to read weird allistic social cues. But I don't have a formal diagnosis. I currently live in the US and can't afford to go through the medical system. Even if I could, I'm AFAB and might be denied diagnosis on the basis of my sex. And even if I weren't, I live in rural Nowhere-ville and the nearest doctor who could legally diagnose me is several hours away.

I need people to understand: I didn't decide to call myself autistic for shits and giggles. I didn't just go, "Ooh, autism looks fun and quirky, I wanna be that!" I have good reason to believe I am actually autistic, but I currently can't get a formal diagnosis. I'm not a "fake autistic" just because I can't currently get a doctor to look at me and go, "Yup, that's autism" and give me the doctor's note.

Is it…?

@ItsEmilyKaty

i still think the funniest way a celebrity has ever been "cancelled" was when we found out DJ Khaled didnt eat pussy

A brief moment of rationality from the bird place.

Palestinian activists get their message across on Londons iconic Tower Bridge landmark- one of the cities most historic buildings. We need a ceasefire now.

“if you’re working a full time job you should be able to afford to live on your own and have access to food and transportation” gonna be real with you brother. everyone deserves this. Not just people working 40 hrs a week

people inherently deserve to have a roof over their heads and to eat and live comfortably. not tied to whatever work they do or do not do. Shocking, i know

—

Johann Hari,

Does Capitalism Drive Drug Addiction?

(via bigfatsun)

Idk who needs to hear this but it's okay to cry over spilt milk. You dropped your food and you were really excited to eat it? You can cry, you're not any lesser than anyone else because it's made you upset. It's not silly if it made you sad.

Yeah I was embarrassing when I was 15 who isn’t. Was also Embarrassing at 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. Last week. Yesterday

although I find both institutions detestable I think they should force the vatican to compete in the Olympics. let's see what those priests can do

Remember the first Flour Massacre? Well, CNN has finally dropped the official Israeli story to give you an investigation that basically repeats what Palestinians have been saying all along

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN as ANAKIN SKYWALKER