I realize this isn't going to be widely relatable but I need everyone out there, especially women, to know: you CAN be Christian, asexual, and a single mother by choice.

I say this because I AM [hoping to be, still working on the baby part]. And I only bring it up because I was browsing pinterest for tips for single mothers when I saw an article about adoption as a single Christian woman, and how it was biblically ok even though the author would of course NEVER advise something like IVF (in vitro fertilization, in which the mother uses sperm from an anonymous donor to create an embryo outside of her body that is then implanted to create the pregnancy) and I firmly disagree.

IVF is the route I'm going because, as an asexual, I have 0% interest in marriage (tried that, failed miserably, it was awful) or getting pregnant the normal way, and adoption seemed less guaranteed for my situation when I started this journey. Plus I straight up like the idea of having my own kids. And the idea that God would have a problem with that is, TO ME PERSONALLY, appalling.

Obviously faith and beliefs are very personal and interpreted from culture, upbringing, etc, but I do worry other women are out there who want to be mothers but not wives, who might be exposed to that sort of thinking and begin to doubt themselves, or settle for less than their dreams.

I don't know what God does or doesn't think but I know what my heart believes, and that is that you have every right to be a mother of your own child regardless of sexual orientation, and that God smiles when people practice love.

And also I'm done apologizing for who I am and how I live. 🤷

Pendragon's Knights Ch. 3

Arthur stormed up to the front door and began pounding on it. "Tim? It's me, Arthur. Are you okay in there?" He pounded some more. "Come on, Tim, open the door and talk to me. I'm not leaving until you do."

It was several more minutes of persistent knocking before he heard the lock clicking and the door snicked open. Tim peeked out, trying to hide behind the door jamb, but Arthur could see enough. He pushed the door open all the way, revealing Tim's bruised face, his lip split and swollen. Arthur's blood burned hot with wrath.

"Aw, damn," Merlin murmured behind him.

Arthur straightened his shoulders and held out his hand. "Tim, come with us. We'll go straight to the district attorney's office and you can tell a prosecutor that your dad did this. We'll protect you."

Tim shook his head fearfully. "He's already so mad…if I leave it will only make it worse."

"If you stay, it will never get better," Lancelot said gently.

Read on Ao3 Read on ff.net

Writers!! Describe your current WIP(s) in the most boring way possible. I want to see this skdjfkdfhk

every single thing people have said has been amazing, I'm dying laughing here

The world will probably end soon 🤷 I mean there's this angel and a dude who rides dragons trying to get a sullen demon teenager to help make it stop but idk there were prophecies, you know.

Hey, new art for you guys! 

So, I’ve been working with @aini-nufire​ on this BBC Merlin Biker AU and I am super excited to start sharing the art with you! (The idea was kind of my fault so I thought I should join in the fun ;)

First up is Arthur, the leader of Pendragon’s Knights.

Please go check the first story in the series (First chapter up today!) It’s very fun and I highly recommend reading it.

Read The first story HERE

and hilariously that is not why it is called that.

It is the circle of the bears cause of ursa major and ursa minor, and the circle without bears cause ya'know opposite part of the sky.

We lucked right into that one....

#so what you’re saying is#the stars dictate whether bears do or do not exist in places

Astrology is real but only for predicting where bears will be

Bears do not travel to places they cannot see their gods

The Darkest Night Ch. 6

Merlin entered the great hall, looking tense. "I managed to salvage some of the solutions," he told her. "And I may have come up with an antidote."

"Was Gaius able to find a way to communicate?" she asked.

Merlin fidgeted. "No. I had to…guess. Which means there's no way to know for sure if it'll work without testing it on someone. And I don't know what will happen if I'm wrong."

Lily's chest tightened. That sounded very risky, but what else could they do?

Percival waved his arm back and forth to get their attention.

"Percival, are you all right?" Lily asked, going over to him.

He nodded and pointed to himself.

Lily frowned. "What?"

He jabbed a finger at her and Merlin's general direction, then at himself firmly. Lily's eyes widened as she realized what he was trying to convey.

Merlin was frowning. "It's dangerous."

Percival pounded his chest again insistently.

Read on Ao3 Read on ff.net

"Menagerie"

A wizard obsessed with dark creatures adds a certain werewolf to his collection.

Read on Ao3 Read on ff.net

This week's beautiful thing! Look at this lovely daffy!! Hello, beautiful Are! Are your gardens starting to bloom?? 💛🌼

Y'know, whenever people want to talk about why aspec people 'count' as an oppressed identity, they tend to go for the big stuff like corrective rape and conversion therapy. And like, we should absolutely talk about that stuff. Obviously those things are terrible and important and we need to raise awareness and deal with them.

But I feel like people often gloss over how… quietly traumatising it is to grow up being told that there is only one way to be happy— and that everybody who doesn't conform to that norm is secretly miserable and just doesn't know it— and then to gradually realise that, for reasons that you cannot help, that is never going to happen for you.

You're not going to find a prince/princess and ride off into the sunset. Or if you do, then it's not going to look exactly the way it does in fairytales. You're not going to get a 'normal' relationship, because you are not 'normal', and everybody and everything around you keeps telling you that that's bad.

You see films where characters are presented as being financially stable, genuinely passionate about their work and surrounded by friends and family, but then spend the rest of the plot realising that the real thing they needed was a (romantic and sexual) partner, to make them 'complete'.

You absorb the idea that any relationships you have with allo people will ultimately be unfulfilling on their side, and that this will be your fault (even if you discussed things with your partner beforehand and they decided that they were a-okay with having those sorts of boundaries in a relationship) unless you deliberately force yourself into situations that you aren't comfortable with, so as to make uo for your 'defects'.

You grow up feeling lowkey gaslighted because all the adults in your life (even in LGBT+ spaces. In fact especially in LGBT+ spaces) are insisting that it's totally normal to not be attracted to anybody at your age, and then you go to school and everybody keeps pressuring you to name somebody you're attracted to because they can't imagine not being attracted to anybody at your age.

And then you get older and realise that one day you're going to be expected to leave home, and that one day all your friends are going to be expected to put aside other relationships and 'settle down' with a primary partner and you don't know what you're going to do after that because you straight up don't have a roadmap for what a 'happy ending' looks like for someone like you.

(And the LGBT+ community is little help, because so many people in there are more than happy to tell you that you're not oppressed at all. That you're like this because you don't want to have sex, and/or you don't want to have any relationships, that your orientation is some sort of choice you made— like not eating bananas— rather than an intrinsic part of you that a lot of us have at some point tried to wish away.)

Even if you're grey or demi, and do experience those feelings, you still have to deal with the fact that you're not experiencing them the 'normal' way and that that's going to effect your relationships and your ability to find one in the first place.

If you're aiming for lifelong singlehood (which is valid af) or looking for a qpp, then you're going to have to spend the rest of your life either letting people make wrong assumptions about your situation (at best that your relationship is of a different nature than it actually is, at worst that the life you've chosen is really just a consolation prize because you 'failed' at finding a romantic/sexual partner) or pulling out a powerpoint and several webpages every time you want to explain it.

This what being aspec looks like for most people, and it is constantly minimised as being unimportant and not worth fighting against— even in aspec spaces— because we've all on some level absorbed the idea that oppression is only worth fighting against if it's big, and dramatic, and immediately obvious. That all the little incidents of suffering that we experience on a daily basis are not enough to be worth bothering about.

I mean, who gives a shit if you feel broken, inherently toxic as a partner, and like you're going to be denied happiness because of your orientation? Shouldn't we all just shut up and thank our lucky stars we don't have to deal with all the stuff some of the other letters in the acronym have to put up with (leaving aside the fact that there are many aspec people who identify with more than one letter)?

So you know what? If you're aspec and you relate to anything I've said above (or can think of other things relating your your aspec-ness that I haven't mentioned) then this is me telling you now that it's enough. Even if we got rid of all the big stuff (which we're unlikely to do any time soon because— Shock! Horror!— the big stuff is actually connected to all the small stuff) we would still be unable to consider our fight 'over' because what you are experiencing is not 'basically okay' and something we should just be expected to 'put up with'.

No matter what anybody tells you, we have the right to demand more from life than this.

Nightshade Ch. 1

Percival and Leon are accidentally exposed to a toxic plant that sends them into paranoid delusions. And they each end up taking hostages.

Read on Ao3 Read on ff.net

"Test Subject"

A wizard in search of a cure for lycanthropy needs test subjects. And since werewolves are classified as beasts and not people, consent isn’t necessary.

Read on Ao3 Read on ff.net

"Teaching Moment"

Professor Bixby wants to show his students just how vicious werewolves are. Handy that one is sitting in his class and the full moon is tomorrow…

Read on Ao3 Read on ff.net

The Lindworm Ch. 1

"It likes to eat people, remember? Hey, lindworm! Got a nice feast for you here!" Gwaine patted himself and turned in a circle. No giant serpent came out to attack them.

But then a scream rent the air, and they all whirled in the direction it had come from—the village. They burst into a run and arrived to find the lindworm slithering around the huts, hissing and snapping at the closed doors behind which its prey were hiding. The knights drew their swords and charged.

The lindworm whipped its attention to them and went diving the opposite direction. It crashed through a paddock fence, sending goats scattering in fright. Merlin raised his hand and uttered a spell. The magical attack hit the serpent and made it jerk. It turned and spat at him in response.

Gwaine and Elyan barreled into the paddock after it, swinging their blades at its lower half. It twisted around and snapped its fangs at them, but they ducked and darted around, steel still flying. Then the serpent snapped its tail like a whip and hit Elyan in the chest, which sent him flying through the air into the goats. Leon raised a crossbow and fired, but the bolt ricocheted off its scales.

Gwaine leaped forward in that split second of distraction and stabbed his blade into its third quadrant, managing to pierce its armored side. The lindworm screeched and whipped its head around at him. Merlin prepared to cast another spell before it could strike, but the serpent didn't lunge with its fangs. Instead it belched out a plume of noxious green fumes that engulfed Gwaine whole. He staggered back out of the cloud, coughing, and after three steps collapsed.

Read on Ao3 Read on ff.net

New journal just dropped!

Check it out in my etsy here!