Delphine Cormier × Siobhan Sadler

I’m not ok.

burnitalldcwn :

As Beth waited for S’ answer, her eyes were full of scorn and distrust, ready for whatever was coming. However, as Siobhan had done several times that evening, she managed to surprise her again with her extremely calm demeanour. A behaviour that Beth was unable to grasp since she has never experienced it before. S said she had no reason to lie to her. Not true. Everybody lied. Right?

Beth banged her head and her back against the door and then sat down against it, hissing at the lingering pain in her backside, still looking at S. She wasn’t getting any closer. She wasn’t going to hit her. She wasn’t going to shout at her. And it was more confusing than anything. Beth felt overwhelmed again and ran her hand through her hair, the other hand clawing at her leg, heaving with heavy sobs. “You adults always say that, everybody does. Even dad said- and mum,” Beth said, stopping immediately, the thought of her parents causing her too much upset.

Looking back up at S and sniffing, trying to take all her words in, Beth was having an internal struggle. She was a foster mother. She wanted her safe. She needed the shotgun to be safe. Would she kill anybody? Beth was too afraid to ask. And she wanted to keep her memories somewhere. Just like Beth had with her blanket. Was Mrs. S really a good person like she seemed to be? Like Beth wanted her to be?

The silence and the distance and mainly her smile gave her a few good seconds to think, enough to regain some of her attitude. Beth wrapped her arms around her knees and looked S in the eyes. “Promise me that you’re not lying to me…” she said in a shaky, but serious voice. Making an adult promise something, especially a parental figure, that had to mean they had to keep their promise, right? So, if S really promised, maybe then it would be a sign that she could really trust her.

She knows how to handle this but that doesn’t mean she’s going to approach it differently than any other child. Beth needed time and that was perfectly acceptable. A new home, new environment, completely new way of living. Sometimes it could be a shock to the system and her discoveries hadn’t made anything easier. Remaining where she was, she took a seat on the step and brought her hands together, lacing her fingers in between each other. “Beth, I know that adults haven’t been very kind to you in your life. Including your parents. What your father did, what your mother didn’t do. You’re here so that it never happens again.” Normally she wouldn’t talk with the children about why they were there, but Beth was stubborn. Hard-headed. Maybe if Siobhan treated her just like she would treat any other adult, she would realize that indeed she was there for her.

She would still give her time, as much as she needed..All she could do was be there for whenever she decided to open up, to trust her. The silence doesn’t bother Siobhan much and she’s willing to just sit. Finally she speaks up and S sits up straighter. It was easy to promise something and not follow through with it, but she had never been that type of woman. Choosing her words carefully, she nods to assure her that she indeed is not lying and being nothing but truthful. “I promise I’m not lying. I’m here to keep you safe, to give you a better life, to help you and give you better opportunities. That’s all. No ulterior motive.”

burnitalldcwn :

“Thank you,” Beth said, leaning her head against her hand and giving Siobhan a little tired smile. She could definitely see that there was more to this than she let her on. It was probably a lot more difficult than Beth could ever imagine. “It will help us. And Sarah…when she comes back,” Beth added.

“Do you…know why she left?” she asked tentatively, trying to find out more about this mysterious twin of hers. It seemed to be serious. All the records she’s seen, leaving her daughter, it all seemed to point at the fact that Sarah was deep into something. Maybe she knew more than they thought she did? While unlikely, it definitely crossed Beth’s mind. Other than that, she was also very curious what was Sarah actually like.

Beth closed her eyes just for a second when Siobhan talked about dumping Sarah in an orphanage. Sighing, she nodded. “Yeah, sure. But…what else would we be, right?” she still tried to be logical. She still tried to find some meaning behind all this. However, all this logic got shattered and stomped onto as the page with all the results showed. Just scrolling through a couple of them brought tears into her eyes. More faces that looked exactly like hers. More records, more identities. “I don’t know,” Beth said quietly. “This is too messed up.”

“Of course.” Siobhan tried to keep her tone light so that the mood wouldn’t be too solemn. If helping Beth inadvertently helped her daughter, then she was more than happy to do so. However, Siobhan wasn’t quite as optimistic as her and just the mention of Sarah coming back brought a bit of a sarcastic laugh from her. It only reminded her of the fact that that’s what Sarah did. She ran and then came back, then ran and came back. It was a vicious cycle that she was sure would continue. Looking over to her, she shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. “Same reasons as always. Running from something. Drugs. Running off with the wrong person.  She drops Kira off and then disappears. That’s how it always is.”

Boy would she have words for Sarah if she did turn back up. At this point, it was beyond old. It was unacceptable and the next time she showed up, Kira would not be going back with her. The little girl deserved more than that. Eyes now read line after line on the screen. It was just baffling. What explanation could there be to all this? Nothing made sense. “I don’t know how much longer I can look at this. it’s doing my head in and I don’t know what more we can do right now. Maybe a nights rest would do both of us some good. You look like you could use it.”

Do u ever just want to RP with a certain mutual but they’re like PERFECT and you’re the lord of potatos?

burnitalldcwn :

Beth sighed in frustration, when Siobhan admitted that her contacts couldn’t reach that far. She leaned forward rubbing the back of her head, pressing a pencil in her other hand as a form of stress relief. “Yeah, it’s okay, it would just, it would really help us,” she said, looking down and finishing her coffee, leaving just some of sediment at the bottom of her paper cup before turning her eyes back up to the computer.

Beth didn’t want to look at S at this point. She still found it too hard to accept. “Paul is my boyfriend. And yes, he’s the one who keeps calling me,” she said, casting just a brief look at the computer screen. “I’ve seen that logo in our house before, he had some blank forms but…I never knew it could be something like this,” she pointed at the screen, her voice getting more and more hollow at this point. Did Paul know? Was he in on it? Did he lie to her? Questions were flooding her mind and Beth reached into her pocket and took some of her pills, not really minding the amount or the fact that she just drank some alcohol. At this point, it was a more of a reflex than anything else.

“I don’t know who it is,” Beth shook her head, mesmerized at the picture on the screen. “Of course it’s not me,” she said a little bitterly. “Alison Hendrix,” she whispered under her breath as she wrote down her name and address. “We can’t be triplets, right? We can’t.” Beth asked, searching for any sign of approval or assurance. She got up from her chair again, more carefully this time and made herself another cup of coffee. Her head was starting to pound and she leaned against the bar to steady herself before turning back to S. “What if we talk to this Hendrix? Maybe she knows more than we do?” Beth said, taking the cup and sitting back. “I think I’m gonna do something stupid,” she said, running the Interpol facial recognition software and uploading her photo to the database. The results were a couple of pages long.

To be honest, S wasn’t quite sure what would happen if she were to reach Carlton. Over 20 years had gone by and the way things had been left didn’t exactly pave the way for a warm welcome. There was a chance he wouldn’t give her anything, wouldn’t say anything. It would be perfectly acceptable to even just blow her off. After all, he had gone to prison and she hadn’t. With another quiet sigh, the desire for an answer to all this was becoming stronger. “I’ll see if I can’t find some of my old contacts, see if they know anything. Can’t promise much but I’ll try.” Somehow try still didn’t seem good enough.

There was no turning back now. They were here and at this point, they had crossed lines that couldn’t be undone. Her attention shifted back to the screen, studying the picture before her. Triplets did come to mind, yes, but this almost seemed far too unrealistic. They were more than identical. They were exact, precise. Even the same freckle on their cheek. 

Shaking her head, Siobhan hid a yawn in her elbow and leaned back towards the screen. “Triplets seems highly unlikely. If that were the case, you most likely would have all ended up together. Why would someone dump Sarah at an orphanage and place the other two with families?” Even the thought of that brought a nauseating feeling to the pit of her stomach. The things her daughter had been through were more than any child ever needed to be a part of. Before she could offer up the idea that talking to this Alison Hendrix might not be the greatest of ideas, she was silenced by the screen and the numerous results that had popped up. She may not have been an expert on computers, but it didn’t take one to know that this was unusual, unrealistic even. “What’s that mean..?” She spoke hesitantly, an uneasy feeling washing over her and making her body tense up.

burnitalldcwn :

Those twenty seconds or so in the wardrobe felt like an hour. Beth tried her best to listen what was happening, but she couldn’t hear much. At one point, the stairs creaked and she only pressed her hand against her mouth tighter, hoping that she wouldn’t be found. She could hear S pick up the things she dropped and the rifle and squeezed in into the fabric, a shiver running down her spine at the noise it made. Her voice told her to come out. It was kind, which Beth was absolutely unable to comprehend. Everyone else would be screaming but frankly, right now, Beth didn’t really believe it. S probably just lied to her, just like everybody else.

Beth slowly opened the closet door, her chest wheezing. Her eyes we trained on the floor, trying to look guilty. After all, she was caught snooping. That’s what adults expected, right? However, she wanted to use it as a distraction. Beth inched to the side ever so slowly and then grabbed the door and ran out. She was going to get out. Screw her stuff. She would miss her blanket. Perhaps she could get someone to get it for her. Her thoughts were, just as expected for a child of her age and experience, chaotic and illogical. All Beth wanted was to get away. She still believed she would be best off on her own. She tried to run down the stairs two at a time and managed to trip and slide the rest down on her bum. Ignoring the pain as much as she could, she leapt towards the door, tried it, but it was locked.

Assuming that Mrs. S was probably right behind her and realizing she had no chance, Beth slammed her fist against the door and then turned around. Tears of pure anger and fear were forming in her eyes, pressing against the doorframe. “So who are you, huh? What do you want?” she shouted at her, absolutely losing her temper. She gave it a chance, she did. She decided to sort of trust S and now she just wanted an explanation. “Why do you have that,” she pointed upstairs referring to the things she’d found, knowing that there’d probably be more hidden around the house, still shivering from the sudden flood of emotions.

Beth had every reason to be skeptical of the Irish woman. It wasn’t every day you stumbled across weapons and information that she had. Wasn’t something she hadn’t planned on sharing with the child but now it seemed like she had to. There would be no easy way to explain it so perhaps it was best to just jump in with two feet. As Beth ran towards the stairs, it brought forth a prominent frown from Siobhan. “Beth!” Her voice was still soft as she was trying to be as reassuring as possible. Perhaps just a few moments by herself would be best. Or maybe they wouldn’t. Best to get after her. The gun and album were quickly stashed away once more and she made sure to close her bedroom door this time as she exited. Step by step, she hurried down the stairs and stopped a few steps from the bottom, eyes trained on the young girl at the front door. 

“Take it easy, Beth. I haven’t told you anything but the truth.” Slowly but surely, she made her way down the remaining steps and stopped a few feet in front of her. “I’ve no reason to lie to you. My name is Siobhan Sadler. I’m an associate of Carlton’s, the man who brought you here. I take in children he brings to me that have come from bad situations. Neglect, abuse, orphans. I am a foster caretaker.” Feet stayed planted where they were, not moving an inch forward so that she could still give her the space she needed to feel comfortable.

Glancing back up the stairs, she looked to Beth once more. “I have that because there are bad people out there that I sometimes need to protect myself and anyone around me from. Those articles and clippings are things I was a part of, things that happened before I left. It’s like a scrapbook of memories. Nothing malicious, love. I promise.” She offered up a small smile in the hopes it would ease some of the tension. “I’m here to take care of you, to protect you. That’s all.”

REBLOG IF YOUR MUSE IS A HOT MOM

*reminder*

just because i’m very slow with replies doesn’t mean i don’t care about our plot !!!

‘Blood’ sentence starters

“I’m going to make you bleed.” “There’s so much blood.” “Where did this blood come from?” “I have inhuman blood running through my veins.” “Why are you covered in blood?!” “Shit, I’m bleeding.” “I’ll clean up all this blood when I’m finished.” “There will be blood.” “Thinking of it makes my blood run cold.” “There was blood everywhere.” “I still remember the smell of all that blood.” “I’ve never seen so much blood in my life.” “Nothing is more pleasant than the taste of blood.” “Your blood tastes so sweet.” “There’s blood on my/your hands.” “Their blood will be on your hands!” “Have you ever tasted blood?” “I’ve seen a lot of blood, but yours is by far my favorite.” “You get used to the blood after a while.” “The sight of blood gives me the shivers.” “I can’t stand the smell of blood.” “It was so quiet I could hear my blood rushing through my veins.” “Quick, run! They’ll smell your blood!” “Hold on, you’re bleeding.” “Help me clean up. There’s blood everywhere.” “What did you think? That there wouldn’t be blood?” “I hope you have a strong stomach because there will be blood.” “I’ll make your blood run cold.” “Your blood isn’t even human.” “There’s no hiding from me. I can smell your blood.”

PSA

If you feel like your muse has been waining recently, it’s probably because of current events. 

This is a stressful period we’re all experiencing. You are not alone right now. Trying to battle the complications of real life takes energy, that energy detracts from the energy you use for roleplay.  

And this can be especially frustrating when RP is something you’re trying to use to escape from reality.

So remember to love yourself, treat yourself nicely, and not blame yourself for feeling under-motivated.   If you need to take a break from everything that’s okay.  Don’t be angry at yourself.  Do what you have to do to help yourself relax. 

Maria Doyle Kennedy at PaleyFest 2015