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in my mind

@mindflay3r

hopeless disaster
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Because...

And I carry on everyday like I'm ok

because...

I know you would hate it if you saw me like this

I barely eat anymore

Because...

I don't care about not worrying anymore

Because...

They will never be you.

I don't sleep at night

Because...

I haven't been able to sleep properly since you passed. Before the only way I'd sleep is if I came up with silly romantic scenarios about us and what our life would be like now it just feels wrong.

I feel like a part of me is missing

Because...

I miss the person who would speak to me everyday and listen to all my stories

Because...

No matter how much you denied it, I'll never forget when you told me how you loved all my stories and how they always make you feel better.

I don't have playful arguments anymore

Because...

No one is just as stubborn as I am ... no one is as stubborn as you

I don't enjoy playing stupid games on my phone anymore

Because...

You aren't here to beat my high score in subway surfers

You aren't here to brag about getting me to be tired of arguing

You aren't here to be so pleased with yourself when you beat me, because of how much I like to win

I struggle to read books

Because...

I have no one to tell them about

I have no one who will force me to read my silly romance stories too

I rarely complain anymore

Because...

They always try and find solutions

I don't want their solutions... I only want yours

I don't sleep til I'm exhausted so I don't think

But nights are lonely without you keeping me awake til 5am

I try not to be alone but no one makes time for me like you did

People are worried about me, they say I'm not acting like myself but how can I

Because...

How am I supposed to be me without you?

I stopped talking to people about you

Because...

They don't understand

I don't want to get married

Because...

It was supposed to be you...

I don't want to learn how to drive

Because...

You promised to drive me everywhere

I don't want to move on like everyone says I should

Because...

No one will ever be able to take up your place in my heart

Because...

I don't want anyone but you

That will never happen now

Because...

Now the only thing I can do is miss you

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reblogged

Miss you, darling. Miss you so much. I hurt you so much when I was hurting, and it was the same from you to me. I hope you're doing well and I hope you don't ever get near me. I'm sorry for resenting you

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reblogged

in another universe, you never died and we’re sitting at the kitchen table across from eachother writing the grocery list

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reblogged

in another universe, the day lasts just a little bit longer and i can stay by your side for just a moment more.

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reblogged
unknown / ranata suzuki / unknown / i miss you, im sorry by gracie abrams / @/hagims on twitter / mary oliver / louise gluck / @/gaphic / unknown

"forgive me...memory is a rope round my neck"

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reblogged

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”

 Jamie Anderson

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i can't breathe when i think about it too much.

Mahmoud Darwish, Memory for Forgetfulness / unknown / F. Scott Fitzgerald, Benediction / Taylor Swift, exile / @/free-my-mindd / Zhenya Katava & Neus Bermejo / unknown / Blythe Baird, If My Body Could Speak / C.C.Aurel / Florence + The Machine, I'm Not Calling You A Liar
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missnxthingg

𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐄 - 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐎

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 - Lando Norris x Actress!Reader (Enemies to Lovers & Fake Dating AU) 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 - Lando Norris really messed up on the first time meeting one of Hollywood's newest and hottest stars, Y/N L/N. But when his reputation gets too bad, she might be the only one who can save his career from being completely doomed. 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 - 2.8K | 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 - Swearing and suggestive comments 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 - Surprise, early chapter on the table! Thank you so much for the incredible response on the first chapter, it meant a lot to me! This one is just full on banter and a little bit of hope for a future couple. Hope you enjoy it!

𝐓𝐖𝐎 - 𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐄 & 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐃

Even after an entire year knowing Y/N, Lando had never got the chance to see the personal side of her life. He didn’t know any of her friends, what were her hobbies, or what made her laugh. That’s why he got nervous when she invited him to her house to discuss a few agreements for their “role play”. This time without their agents or anyone on their team to intervene. 

They agreed on meeting earlier before their first outing as a couple. There were still a few days left until the Miami GP, and he was spending some of his time in England, where he not only discussed the strategies for the next race, but also planned the beginning of this whole fake dating thing. They agreed to have their first outing on the mall, where they could act casual and cute, while also being seen by a lot of people. 

“It will be fine”, Lando thought before knocking on the door right in front of him. She lived in an amazing house in Hampstead, with brown brick walls and a beautiful black fence at the entrance. From his point of view on the outside, it had everything to be an ordinary English house. But he was surprised by all the colours his eyes met when she opened the door, still wearing just her robe.

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One day

She'd been friends with him for years now, you'd think eventually the silly infatuation with him would have gone away by now....but no he was still the only person that always made her feel like her 13 year old self, like sometimes her brain couldn't form thoughts when he was around because all she would do was blush.

13

She'd just gotten a phone and it seemed like finally everything was going right for her

One day after school she saw that he added her as a friend and her heart filled with childish hope and thus began their friendship

As a 13 year old girl who was friends with the boy she liked, she tended to see signs where they weren't any and eventually she convinced herself that maybe he liked her too ....

That wasn't the case but she didn't feel all to bad , I mean he hadn't made fun of her or treated her differently and weirdly that's what grew them closer as friends

14

She was entering high school and she had a new crush on another family friend and she didn't think of him all that often

He messaged her about his sister's wedding in a month "if they tell me to go sit next to my girlfriend, I'll come sit next to you" she rolled her eyes knowing that if it came down to it he'd do it just to piss her off. He took so much joy in irritating her

On the same day the other guy asked her out and she said yes

When he asked her what's new in her life she told him and he didn't speak to her til November except for the happy birthday message she got in June

Sometimes she thought maybe he's jealous or maybe he just doesn't want to talk to me

As soon as he knew they broke up he started speaking to her again

15

As the years went on their friendship grew and grew but for some reason it didn't feel like a normal friendship

She was friends with other boys but things just felt different with him. All her friends would tell her "he likes you and you are just blind" she considered it but she was scared to get her hopes up again

They would speak from when the woke up til they went to bed. He knew things about her that nobody else ever did.

She was the hopeless romantic type with her head always stuck in books and he hated books with a passion but whenever she'd read a new book he'd want to know all about it and eventually he started forcing her to read the books to him before bed

Before her birthday people would ask her to send pictures of herself so they could post her and she was complaining because 1 girl made her send 51 pictures of herself and for some reason he was upset because she only sent him 1 picture , so she sent all 51 pictures to him as well. He created an album in his gallery for her

Eventually he ditched the excuse and of it only being for her birthday and would just tell her the folder needed to be updated.... he continued to update the folder for 2 years

16

In the beginning of the year she lost some of her closest friends because they were being horrible and she broke up with the guy she was dating and she felt alone

He was there for her , he listened to her cry and overthink and feel bad about herself and he would always try and make her feel better even though according to him he hated seeing her like this and he hated that she'd pick people who would treat her horribly

And so they became closer than they ever had been before

He started telling her when he was upset and when he was feeling down which he never did before

She'd let him help her pick her outfits and her hair and get excited to tell him about her day and all her stories

And after November exams it changed even more he had been subtly flirting with her for years and then all of a sudden it wasn't so subtle

He'd confuse her and contradict himself

One day he'd tell her to give another guy a chance and the next he'd tell her to stop talking to the other guy because he could give her more butterflies then that guy ever could

And then at a get together the two of them stayed up while everyone else went to bed and spent the night talking and that's when he knew that he'd been blind for so many years and she's was always there

And the friendship officially became more after all the pining and waiting but it still felt like their friendship which forced them to realize that maybe they were never just friends maybe they were always more

And the two of them were so happy together so blissful but when you are that happy things always go wrong

First her grandmother was admitted into hospital and then he broke up with her out of nowhere for no reason

And then he on Valentines day he called her

He said he really needed to speak to her and they did but she didn't know that would be the last time she spoke to him ever again...

That Saturday her world came crashing down and she would never be able to see him again or speak to him

Who would argue with her for hours over nothing and make fun of her and be there for her

Who would listen to her stories about nothing and be interested in them

Who would she have left

She didn't realize how much he meant to her and how much he was in her life til she was sitting and crying while doing bio homework because he used to tease her for finding it hard

She didn't realize how many stories she had to tell and she couldn't tell them to him anymore

She felt empty and broken and alone and everyone was telling her at least you weren't together for years and at least it wasn't serious but she still felt it all the same

He meant the world to her, she didn't Just lose the guy she loved , she lost her best friend and she was never gonna get the happy ending she'd been dreaming about forever because if it wasn't with him she didn't want it to be with anyone else

She was used to being the younger one but as soon as she turned 17 she'd always be older

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Ik my writing isn't the best and I suck at it but I just wanted to get my life off my chest

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girlfictions

palestine is in a complete and utter blackout with israel launching hundreds of its heaviest airstrikes so far across gaza. this is a mass slaughter and we won't even know the extent of the casualties until it's over; israel have cut off telecommunications so they can commit their atrocities in the dark. there is a genocide happening right in front of our eyes and every person who has ever defended israel's "right to defend itself" has the blood of palestinians on their hands. we cannot ignore what is one of the most devastating massacres in human history.

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What's the point of the un, the geneva conventions, international law, etc if we see a genocide happening in front of our eyes but nothing is done to stop it.

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