Something I’ve been thinking about lately is that it doesn’t really make me feel that bad when everything turns “black” with someone I split with. I mean, I feel like crap for a while but i’m so used to people screwing me over that it’s not really a surprise. But when everything turns white... 

I hate myself when that happens. Because that turns me naive, turns me stupid, my head makes me think they’re the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me. And deep inside I know it’s not true, but I hate feeling so dependant. So needy. 

Why do I always feel the need to replace someone so quickly? To fill the space they left empty? Some people like to be alone, have time to heal and shit. My self destructive ass tries to fill the void as soon as possible with the worst people.

Sorry I was dead for a while. Kind of got my heart broken. But i’m... okay now. I think. I’ll move on, like I always do.

Self care is crying for hours bc your fp doesn’t answer your texts and then telling the whole world you don’t give a fuck

(Sᴘᴏɪʟᴇʀ ᴀʟᴇʀᴛ: Yᴏᴜ ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴛᴏᴏ ᴍᴀɴʏ ꜰᴜᴄᴋs)

,,,your girl went to a party and is now kinda tipsy.,

You know what’s really fucked up? How your mind is supposed to make you process everything that happens around you, but when you have BPD, it processes everything wrong. How do people expect me to get better if the way I see world is totally different to the way it is? If when someone doesn’t answer fast enough to my texts I think they hate me? If I think the world is against me as soon as something goes wrong? If i feel everything so strongly, no one, not even me, can understand it?

Why do people always fall in love with an idealized version of me? I’m not perfect. I’m not going to come into your life and save you from all the bad shit. I can’t. You can’t expect me to give you everything of me when most of the time you only want me there because you got interested at first then made your own image of me. Fuck that.

Me, crying again: “These tears moisture my face i’ll be fine”

Y’all how can i not obsess over one person only bc they’re being decent to me