Where's Phil

We're so back!

I think adults need summer vacation. Like let's just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I'm so tired.

Love to see this post getting notes again. None of us are ok.

We've had strap ons since at least 400 BC, and people still have the nerve to go on gay hook up apps and ask "how can an FTM be a top?"

Image ID: Text "Fourteen inches and seventeen pounds of cast iron penis. My late husband found this in the walls of an early 1900s farmhouse that he helped a friend demolish. He wanted to throw it in with his scrap pile and I wouldn't let him. I mean seriously...who would scrap this?!?" Under this are three pics of a dildo plus balls made out of cast iron. The member is placed on a work table and 2 of the pics also show licence plats and things hung on the wall behind it. The penis it's self shows the signs aged cast iron does, slight rusting and tarnishing. It has a rounded end with a little ring at the tip end, and has a sligh curve to it making it look quite fallic indead. It looks as though, with the balls, it could have been used with a harness, or for personal use. End ID

I hope this helps whomever had a burning desire for a description, and that they now feel satisfied ;)

I remembers reading about how women in Nantucket and New Bedford and what not, would keep "he's-at-homes" (scrimshaw dildos) for use while their husbands were out whaling (which was like a multiple years at sea job)

I love that it's not just that they had dildos while their husbands were away, but that presumably their husbands gave them to them. And not just gave them to them – scrimshaw is the art of the whaler, carving sculptures from the bones and baleen on their catches. So the husbands probably carved them for their wives. The 'think of me' on the one above seems like confirmation. That's love, that is.

Here's an article about them: https://lithub.com/there-once-was-a-dildo-in-nantucket/

Ok but why was an iron dick IN THE WALLS of a house? How did it get there? Did they put it there when the house was built? Was someone hiding it? What blacksmith accepted a commission to make an iron dick? What was THAT conversation like? There is a rich history here.

SEVENTEEN POUNDS

It being seventeen pounds and hidden in a wall makes me think it was used as a murder weapon.

It once obliterated a twink.

I’ve never seen this breed of dog as a puppy I just kind of assumed they appeared every full moon fully grown and already the size of a horse

I was trying to find out if Kermit was eligible to be pope and I found a blog that says he's the perfect example of a catholic priest

What do you expect? He's a man of the cloth

God damn you that's perfect

I’m in Poland and they keep showing this pizza advert and it’s amazing.

It starts off with rival pizza makers who argue over who has the best pizza and are driving the customers away

Then there’s this crazy old lady who yells at them from a window to quit it (because where else do you yell business advice from?)

So they work together and do some obvious flirting via pizza montage

And the old lady is all like “just kiss already”

Then they create a pizza together, combine restaurants and live happily ever after with the crazy window lady

waking up to gay pizza makers, today’s gonna be a good day

a family pizzeria can be two lesbians and a window lady

Do you wanna…..y'know…..combine sauces 🥺

I’m in Poland and they keep showing this pizza advert and it’s amazing.

It starts off with rival pizza makers who argue over who has the best pizza and are driving the customers away

Then there’s this crazy old lady who yells at them from a window to quit it (because where else do you yell business advice from?)

So they work together and do some obvious flirting via pizza montage

And the old lady is all like “just kiss already”

Then they create a pizza together, combine restaurants and live happily ever after with the crazy window lady

waking up to gay pizza makers, today’s gonna be a good day

a family pizzeria can be two lesbians and a window lady

Do you wanna…..y'know…..combine sauces 🥺

he’s gay

and he’s still at it

I’m sure someone else added this somewhere but

king

my coffin shaped locket is the perfect size to fit one singular ibuprofen

this is surprisingly useful actually

stop wasting space and add another

tres ibuprofenitos

¿En este economía?

girl, ESPECIALLY en este economía

Mythbusters is great because Adam Savage will be like “Could Sir Arthur have built a surface to air missile with Middle Ages technology? Probably not. Anyway here’s how to make a bomb.” And Jamie will be like “If all goes well this will not blow up instantly and kill us.” And the three other guys are trying to see if you could kill a person by throwing an egg really fast.

learning that apparently several hundred people have been pronouncing 'miette' as 'mighty' has actively worsened my day

you mispronounce miette?? you butcher miette name????

You know what really fucking Annoys Me about internet censorship is stuff like swear words being heavily censored because that's entirely an American cultural hangup being forced on the rest of us. I don't know a single country where swearing is as taboo as it is in America. In fact most languages have swear words that would have the same effect on an American as giving a Victorian chimney sweep a pepsi max cherry.

Demonitizing Irish people's videos for having swear words in them is a kind of hate crime and psychological torture I think.

*sees the bird in front of me disappear into the abyss*

oh sick more seeds for me

This one's definitely better with sound.

I did NOT expect that sound.

video description: a bird trap designed out of a cardboard box. it has two flaps that open in the middle covering a hole in the ground. the flaps are attached with rubber bands to stay closed if there is no weight on them. the bird trap is covered in bird seed.

several birds approach the trap eating the seed, and when they get on top of the trap doors, they fall in. the remaining birds continue to do this despite seeing the previous birds fall in. /end video description.

audio description: classical orchestra music that grows louder the further the flaps are opened. /end audio description.

she’s that perfect combination of extremely judgemental and supportive

“god you fucking dumbass hope you feel better soon bud”

“Po from Kung Fu Panda is a himbo,” I say into the mic.

The crowd boos. I begin to walk off in shame, when a voice speaks and commands silence from the room.

“They’re right,” they say. I look for the owner of the voice. There in the 5rd row stands: Jack Black himself

5rd

we all know Jack Black is not limited by our simple universe

why is religious Christmas imagery all so joyful and pleasant? where is the inherent horror of the birth of Christ? A mother is handed her newborn child, wailing and innocent. Her hands come away sticky. Red. Simply by giving her son life she has already killed him. He is doomed from the beginning. Her love will not save him from suffering. Because the thing cradled in her arms is not a baby, it is a sacrifice: born amongst the other bleating animals whose blood will one day be spilled in the name of what demands it. the night is silent with anticipation. Mary, did you know? That your womb was also a grave?

america city

population: everyone

via @littlesystems

Wisdom if I’ve ever seen it

Enemies to taco truckers, slow braised 500k.