I saw an opportunity and I took it

This is what they mean when they say life flashes before your eyes as you die

For those wondering, the song is ”Mr. Blue Sky” by ELO.

Perhaps someone beat me to it, but here are ALL of the featured vines, in order of appearance:

I HOPE IT’S HELPFUL TO SOMEONE! Peace ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

this gave me such a warm feeling i legit teared up no joke

that is the face of a man worried he will be next

Good news, he was not next! In fact, she accepted him as her mate, he learned the crane mating dance and now every year, he artificially inseminates her with crane semen to expand the very endangered crane population. True story.

Sorry, he WHAT? Imagine being this man’s boss and having to sit him down like. Listen. Brian. We need you to fuck the bird. You have to act like you’re excited about it.

crane husband…..

this is the diametric opposite of all those awful swan wife stories and i love it.

(WalWaPo makes you jump through like three separate hoops before you can read the article, so I will share some of the highlights:

Legit cannot pick the funniest part of this

she has not been PROVEN to have killed her exes, but there is a PERSISTENT RUMOR (really officers she’s simply DEVASTATED, she sobs, wearing a new feather boa unfortunately resembling her most recent deceased husband)

His name is Chris CROWE. (Mrs. Walnut Crane-Crowe?)

the mental images of a whole human man learning and performing the crane mating dance, and “sitting” on artificial eggs so she thinks he’s performing his duties as a husband and father (and apparently OBJECTS if he does not?)

“chris, buddy, you gotta marry the possibly-murderous crane lady for the GOOD OF THE SPECIES.” (alternately: “chris, my man! good news! we found you a very interested lady! She’s 36, she’s very spirited and independent, she holds a very important and rare status in her society! …Is there a downside? WELL…”)

chris sits any potential human partners down, like “my love, you must understand before we wed,,, i am already… Attached” (camera drifts wistfully to the above photo) “Lady Walnut and I have an,, Understanding… the relationship is open, but very committed”

just had to explain this post to my father bc he thought my stifled laughter was a signal of illness.

well done, everyone, good game. hit the showers.

Not only is he ‘married’ to walnut, this has apparently happened SEVERAL times, so he has MULTIPLE crane wives, none of which know about any of his other crane wives. This man is, for some unknown reason, irresistible to cranes

the “this content has been removed for violating Tumblr’s Community Guidelines” notice really adds a lot of flavor to this post and somehow makes it MORE obscene than whatever that actually was

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997 - 2003) ⏤ 2.06, Halloween

When people assume Celtic = Irish I get a strong urge to stab myself in the eye.

No no no no no no. 

Sit down we must have a conversation.

There were 6 Celtic nations.

Éire, Cymru, Alba, Kernow, Breizh, and Ellan Vannin.

Ireland, Wales, Scotland, Cornwall, Brittany, and the Isle of Mann respectively.

They’re all related, but not the same. They all have different languages descended from a similar group, Irish (Gaeilge), Scottish (Gàidhlig), Manx (Gaelg), Welsh (Cymraeg), Cornish (Kernowek), and Breton (Brezhoneg). Some are more widely spoken than others, for example Welsh is still commonly spoken in Wales, whereas hearing Cornish in Cornwall instead of English is rare.  All Celtic nations have varied mythology and culture. Irish Mythology is different from Breton Mythology, and even Welsh and Cornish mythology (arguably the most related Celtic Nations) have subtle differences to each other. I wish I could add more about the cultures at this time but my knowledge of Celtic nations is primarily made up of the history and languages of those regions, particularly Cornwall. 

You might have notice that England and English are missing from this, because the English descended from Anglo-Saxons, who were German invaders that came to the isles right around the Fall of the Roman empire in the 5th Century, erasing the Celtic influence in what is now England. 

So what this all really means is that Celtic is an umbrella term, and just because it’s Celtic doesn’t mean it has anything to do with Ireland at all. So don’t assume that just because someone’s talking about something Celtic that they’re talking about something Irish.

I actually didn’t know this. Thank you, tumblr person

I love you for this. I love learning and this day started in a good note.

Furthermore there are currently six modern Celtic languages divided into two families. The Goidelic or Gaelic languages: Irish, Scots Gaelic and Manx, which are all descended from Middle Irish; and the Brythonic languages: Welsh, Cornish and Breton all descended from Common Brythonic. It should be noted that both Manx and Cornish are revived languages, that is they effectively died (There were no living native speakers) for a time, but revitalisation efforts amongst the communities to learn the languages as second languages resulted in children picking up the languages as their first language, thus returning the languages to living languages with communities of native speakers. Although all of the languages are growing in number of speakers at each count, only Welsh is not counted as being endangered. This revitalisation is part of why the written form of Manx is so different to that of its sisters, despite the close similarity of the spoken form; its spelling is designed to make sense to a native English speaker, whereas Irish and Gaelic use a more traditional phonetic spelling system which only makes sense if you are used to the concept of a séimhiú being represented by the letter h. The Manx for “Isle of Man”, for example, is “Ellan Vannin” whereas the Irish name is “Oileán Mhanann” while the spelling is very different the actual pronunciation is almost identical. Both refer to Manannán mac Lir of the Tuath dé Danann, an ancient race of supernatural creatures, often interpreted as a christian retelling of the ancient Gaelic gods.

Also, depending on who you ask, there’s a seventh Celtic nation! It’s Galicia, a region in northwestern Spain. Opinions are divided as to whether it’s Celtic enough to “count”, but here are some sources for further reading:

BBC: Where is the seventh Celtic nation? Spain Then and Now: The Celts in Spain Journal of Interdisciplinary Celtic Studies: Celtic Legacy in Galicia University of Pennsylvania Museum: The Modern Celts of Northern Spain

…and I can’t help but link to my own post of the beautiful song “Va unan,” sung in Breton and Spanish by the chorus “L’Ensemble choral du bout du monde” with the Spanish guest vocalist Jesús Cifuentes from the band Celtas Cortos.

I think I’m honor bound to always repost this.

And, of course, when Caesar defeated the Celts he was fighting in…modern France, roughly halfway between Lyon and Paris. Celtic art

is from what archaeologists call the La Tène period, named after the lake in Switzerland where it was first identified (and the Gundestrup Cauldron, above, which is the type-art for the neo-Celtic god Cernunnos although we have no idea what or who it was originally meant to depict, was found in Denmark but probably made in Greece)

And no, the Celts did not build Stonehenge. Or Newgrange, for that matter, or any of the other great stone circles or structures of northern Europe - those had been standing for thousands of years by the time the Celts turned up and wove them into their own mythologies. Celtic structures still exist throughout Europe but you have to have a good eye to spot them, they mostly look like this:

There’s a reason the Celtic nations are the ones on the northeastern edge of Europe: that’s where the Romans and the Anglo-Saxons stopped pushing.

oh I’d like to add to this

part of the reason Welsh isn’t considered an endangered language is because of a massive push to keep it being spoken. Welsh people fought very hard against a deliberate English effort to stop their language being spoken, and for a very long time children weren’t allowed to speak it in schools. there are now laws in place protecting it including a legal requirement for BBC Wales (the Welsh branch of the government-run TV broadcasting company) to have a certain amount of broadcasting time every week in Welsh including news.

One evening, in the sky, a message appeared: “In 24 hours, a billionaire will die.” Everyone everywhere on Earth could see it, in every language. Nobody could explain it. The next day, one of the richest men passed away. “In 24 hours, 2 billionaires…”

like to charge reblog to cast

HEY!

AO3 is in danger of becoming CENSORED. if you have donated $10 or more BEFORE june 30th, PLEASE exercise your right to vote (as you should have received an email to) and VOTE AGAINST TIFFANY GU, who is PRO-CENSORSHIP and PRO making AO3 “palatable” for outsiders and antis.

this is one of the few places dead dove writers/illustrators have to post our content, which is NOT illegal, immoral, or a threat to society. however, CENSORSHIP IS.

if you have the opportunity to vote, PLEASE TAKE IT.

KEEP AO3 WONDERFUL! THANKS!

This was well said

why is france called the hexagon when its abundantly clear that it’s a pentagon

what

mmm i guess i see it i was definitely seeing 1 and 2 as one side plus the left and right sides slope out more

yeah tbh i see how you can see 1 and 2 as one side

actually its a decagon

careful apollo might hear you

ok but if we r being really pedantic it’s a triacontakaipentagon (35 sides)

Tumblr accidentally rediscovers the coastline paradox

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coastline_paradox

teamwork 🐝

okay i’ll reblog that.

gravity was a big discovery i guess but nothing compares to realizing girls can kiss girls

A nurse has heart attack and describes what she felt like when having one

I am an ER nurse and this is the best description of this event that I have ever heard. 

 FEMALE HEART ATTACKS 

 I was aware that female heart attacks are different, but this is description is so incredibly visceral that I feel like I have an entire new understanding of what it feels like to be living the symptoms on the inside. Women rarely have the same dramatic symptoms that men have… you know, the sudden stabbing pain in the chest, the cold sweat, grabbing the chest & dropping to the floor the we see in movies. Here is the story of one woman’s experience with a heart attack: 

 "I had a heart attack at about 10:30 PM with NO prior exertion, NO prior emotional trauma that one would suspect might have brought it on. I was sitting all snugly & warm on a cold evening, with my purring cat in my lap, reading an interesting story my friend had sent me, and actually thinking, ‘A-A-h, this is the life, all cozy and warm in my soft, cushy Lazy Boy with my feet propped up. A moment later, I felt that awful sensation of indigestion, when you’ve been in a hurry and grabbed a bite of sandwich and washed it down with a dash of water, and that hurried bite seems to feel like you’ve swallowed a golf ball going down the esophagus in slow motion and it is most uncomfortable. You realize you shouldn’t have gulped it down so fast and needed to chew it more thoroughly and this time drink a glass of water to hasten its progress down to the stomach. This was my initial sensation–the only trouble was that I hadn’t taken a bite of anything since about 5:00 p.m. 

After it seemed to subside, the next sensation was like little squeezing motions that seemed to be racing up my SPINE (hind-sight, it was probably my aorta spasms), gaining speed as they continued racing up and under my sternum (breast bone, where one presses rhythmically when administering CPR). This fascinating process continued on into my throat and branched out into both jaws. ‘AHA!! NOW I stopped puzzling about what was happening – we all have read and/or heard about pain in the jaws being one of the signals of an MI happening, haven’t we? I said aloud to myself and the cat, Dear God, I think I’m having a heart attack! I lowered the foot rest dumping the cat from my lap, started to take a step and fell on the floor instead. I thought to myself, If this is a heart attack, I shouldn’t be walking into the next room where the phone is or anywhere else… but, on the other hand, if I don’t, nobody will know that I need help, and if I wait any longer I may not be able to get up in a moment. 

I pulled myself up with the arms of the chair, walked slowly into the next room and dialed the Paramedics… I told her I thought I was having a heart attack due to the pressure building under the sternum and radiating into my jaws. I didn’t feel hysterical or afraid, just stating the facts. She said she was sending the Paramedics over immediately, asked if the front door was near to me, and if so, to un-bolt the door and then lie down on the floor where they could see me when they came in. I unlocked the door and then laid down on the floor as instructed and lost consciousness, as I don’t remember the medics coming in, their examination, lifting me onto a gurney or getting me into their ambulance, or hearing the call they made to St. Jude ER on the way, but I did briefly awaken when we arrived and saw that the radiologist was already there in his surgical blues and cap, helping the medics pull my stretcher out of the ambulance. He was bending over me asking questions (probably something like ‘Have you taken any medications?’) but I couldn’t make my mind interpret what he was saying, or form an answer, and nodded off again, not waking up until the Cardiologist and partner had already threaded the teeny angiogram balloon up my femoral artery into the aorta and into my heart where they installed 2 side by side stints to hold open my right coronary artery. 

I know it sounds like all my thinking and actions at home must have taken at least 20-30 minutes before calling the paramedics, but actually it took perhaps 4-5 minutes before the call, and both the fire station and St Jude are only minutes away from my home, and my Cardiologist was already to go to the OR in his scrubs and get going on restarting my heart (which had stopped somewhere between my arrival and the procedure) and installing the stents. Why have I written all of this to you with so much detail? Because I want all of you who are so important in my life to know what I learned first hand. 

1. Be aware that something very different is happening in your body, not the usual men’s symptoms but inexplicable things happening (until my sternum and jaws got into the act). It is said that many more women than men die of their first (and last) MI because they didn’t know they were having one and commonly mistake it as indigestion, take some Maalox or other anti-heartburn preparation and go to bed, hoping they’ll feel better in the morning when they wake up… which doesn’t happen. My female friends, your symptoms might not be exactly like mine, so I advise you to call the Paramedics if ANYTHING is unpleasantly happening that you’ve not felt before. It is better to have a ‘false alarm’ visitation than to risk your life guessing what it might be! 2. Note that I said ‘Call the Paramedics.’ And if you can take an aspirin. Ladies, TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! Do NOT try to drive yourself to the ER - you are a hazard to others on the road. Do NOT have your panicked husband who will be speeding and looking anxiously at what’s happening with you instead of the road. Do NOT call your doctor – he doesn’t know where you live and if it’s at night you won’t reach him anyway, and if it’s daytime, his assistants (or answering service) will tell you to call the Paramedics. He doesn’t carry the equipment in his car that you need to be saved! The Paramedics do, principally OXYGEN that you need ASAP. Your Dr. will be notified later. 3. Don’t assume it couldn’t be a heart attack because you have a normal cholesterol count. Research has discovered that a cholesterol elevated reading is rarely the cause of an MI (unless it’s unbelievably high and/or accompanied by high blood pressure). MIs are usually caused by long-term stress and inflammation in the body, which dumps all sorts of deadly hormones into your system to sludge things up in there. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let’s be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance we could survive to tell the tale.“

Reblog, repost, Facebook, tweet, pin, email, morse code, fucking carrier pigeon this to save a life! I wish I knew who the author was. I’m definitely not the OP, actually think it might be an old chain email or even letter from back in the day. The version I saw floating around Facebook ended with “my cardiologist says mail this to 10 friends, maybe you’ll save one!” And knew this was way too interesting not to pass on.

snopes.com says this one’s true.

Save a life–Reblog.

Female heart attacks are much different, and most people don’t know it!

This is so much more helpful than the fucking lists that basically describe everything that happens during a really nasty panic attack and then tell you to go seek help as if you don’t have an anxiety disorder that does this to you on a regular basis and can afford to go to the emergency room.

Auto-reblog.

Many women have silent heart attacks as well, where there are no symptoms at all until BAM! Then it happens.

As a formerly (mostly) healthy person who is now dealing with post-covid heart issues, this was tremendously helpful to read. Reblog, save a life.

Important for all genders so you can recognize other symptoms in yourself and others.

The way Stevie looks at David, though… her jaw dropping when he says that people lose interest once they get to know him.

Schitt’s Creek: The Jazzaguy (4x08)

My three girlfriends. And yes, they smoke weed.

do they smoke weed?

Yes, actually.

you mean she isnt just smoking a cigarette? but a weed cigarette?

It’s called a bunt…. Not weed cigarette… And yes, it is a weed bunt. They all smoke weed bunts before we kiss. (They are my girlfriends,)

They don’t look like they smoke weed.

Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. I’m so angry you are so lucky my three weed smorking girlfriends are rubbing my shoulders to calm me down I’m so mad.

Your “weed smoking girlfriend” has a Hello Kitty tattoo on her belly. The one in the middle.

I printed out a photo of your avatar and taped it to my punching bag that I punch and I mutter your URL with every strong punch I punch you twerp…. Don’t ever Talk about Blaiz or the wicked Tat(tattoo) I drew on her ever again I Don’t wanna see you standing outside my home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again ok leave us alone this is the FINAL FUCKING WARNING 

Well that escalated quickly……

What, was that? Hmm? Come again. *Blaiz grabs my shoulder* Come on Jory, they aren’t worth it, please. * I jerk my shoulder shaking her hand off* NO! NOOOOO!!! *starts to just pummel you with my big fucking fists. With each blow I let out a furious yell. The blows come quicker and harder and the yells get louder. I’m yelling so loud and now I’m crying. BREAKING POINT. The week was hard and I can’t take anymore. I’m opening sobbing at this point while you blood gurgle. All three of my girlfriends struggle to pull me off and they finally succeed and lead me away from the goo pile that is now your body*

haha oh my god

who even is this dude? someone needs some anger management classes.

love how he keeps reminding us that “I HAVE THREE GIRLFRIENDS”, “THEY ALL KISS ME”, and “THEY SMOKE WEED HURRP DURR”.

and let’s not forget the “Blaiz” and her “wicked tat”, or that he doesn’t “wanna see you standing outside [his] home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again”, and that this is “the FINAL FUCKING WARNING”.

“the goo pile that is now your body”

i’m dying over here, jesus

please, Jory, come challenge me to a bout of internet witticsisms; i promise, it’ll be fun.

*shoots you dead* Heh, idiot… *leaves with my three weed smorking girlfriends to go hold hands and kiss.*

this dude playin omg 

Come again? *The bar falls silent. No one dares to make a sound, as you have just said a very poor choice of words at a very dangerous time. I remain slumped over the bar, not looking back to you. One hand limply holding an almost empty bottle, the other hand cradling my head. I repeat the question, this time louder.* Come again?! *You can hear me slur the words, the sentence sounds like a real struggle for me to get out. I’m clearly intoxicated. A bead of sweat rolls down your face as you realize you might have just fucked up in a very major way. Everyone else in the bar is pretending to not notice what is going on. The bartender idly washes a mug with a cloth. His eyes are closed and he’s muttering something to himself. A handful of people hurriedly leave. One person looks back at you, a look of sorrow on their face. They almost say something, but shake their head and cast their eyes down to the floor, and leave. But not you. You stand, petrified. A quick look at me reveals I’m still  at the bar. You look to the exit, there’s still time. But there’s not, there’s not, there’s not. Your fate was sealed the moment you opened your mouth.* Mother fuck.. what did you say?! *I slowly rise from my stool and being to lumber over to you.  I look a mess. My hair is unkempt, I haven’t shaved in what looks like months, there are dark heavy bags under my eyes, my shirt is stained and has holes in it, and I’m missing a shoe. But the main thing you notice is the gun tucked into my jeans, and my massive muscle arms that look like they were made for punching. You know that song about the boots that were made for walking? Yeah, it’s like that only instead of boots it’s my muscles and instead of walking it’s punching. As I drunkenly sway over to you, you think of your family… Will they mourn you, or will they try and forget this blotch of stupidity, that their child insulted the Jory publicly, ever happened to their family? Your thoughts are cut short as I now stand face to face with you. I grab your face and pull you even closer.* Playin?! There was nothing playing… no playing you fuck. No playing… it was real.. the realest thing I’ve ever know.. felt… Love. I loved them… Blaiz…. Chas-Chas… Funk… I loved all three of em… but they…*My face is wet with tears and I’m blinking constantly in vain to hold them back.* They left me… left… *Almost instantly the sadness leaves my face and is replaced with pure anger.* Playin? Playin?! *My hand leaves your face and starts to head to what you think is the gun. You close your eyes and see God looking at you, shrugging. ‘Pft, you brought this upon yourself dude.’ He says as he waves his hands at you dismissively. But instead of the gun, my hands grab yours. Your eyes jolt open and the anger is gone from my face. There is only sadness.* Left me… * I fall to the floor and sob.* Wow, grow up. *You say before you leave the bar but are hit almost immediately from a car and are killed upon impact.*

Absolute control and submission.

This is the problem. Conservatives assume everyone is like them but with different priorities. They think the opposite of authoritarianism is queer authoritarianism, and the opposite of colonialism is the colonial oppression of white people. It doesn't occur to them that people who aren't on top of an oppressive regime could want anything other than to be on top of an oppressive regime.

Also why they think disabled people are “faking it” and “taking advantage of the system” - because they absolutely would (and do) cheat and steal to get what they want so of course that’s what we’re doing. It never occurs to them that an accommodation is in fact at best giving us the same access they expect as a bare minimum. To them it’s always a “perk” or a “freebie” and we don’t deserve it. If anyone deserves that it’s them.

I do think a lot of the Fuffy subtext comes from the writing, but the parts that come from the acting are hilarious, because I don't think SMG was intentionally playing Buffy as having a crush, but we do know for a fact that Eliza Dushku was intentionally playing Faith as having a crush, and that nobody remembered to stop her. Meanwhile SMG was obviously told "Faith represents Buffy's hidden urges and wants to lure her into them", so she obviously proceeded to play every scene like Buffy was being tempted by *something* and furiously repressing that temptation, and the resulting concoction is just the gayest dynamic imaginable.

why do we bother with I hate my partner jokes when your boss is right there

I love my wife. my boss though? that ball and chain??

do you understand my vision

Oh this is too fun

Bestie, your brain, your VISION, ahead of your time

Wait, but this made them ACTUALLY FUNNY

Charisma Carpenter talks to Evan Ross Katz.

if a demon possessed me I’d just b like ok take it from here good luck man

Keep joking and you’re gonna wind up thinking blasphemy is funny