Swear to me.

focuses really hard and concentrates all the microplastics in my body and then coughs this up in ur hand

sibling relationships are so strange... like i love you. you will never understand me in a way that matters. we are the same person in drastically different ways. we are sewn together. we don't talk. we are attached at the hip. you wish i was never born. can i call you. let's eat together. i forgive you. etc

i don't have enough photos of you on my phone to make one your contact picture. we got the same tattoo completely by coincidence. why do you always get to be mario. i love the meals you cook. we live in different universes. you can stay at my house if you need. we have never been friends. you are more important to me than anyone on this earth

me and my partner adopted 2 cats this week that have been treated badly in their past so they’re pretty scared of people and they won’t let us touch them yet but they have improved so much in just a few days and i am so proud of them. every time they eat in front of us or sniff our hands or blink slowly at us i am overjoyed. i want to give them everything i love them both so dearly only good things from here on out my loves

i will do everything in my power to make sure nothing ever hurts you again, you are safe and so loved.

who up doofen they shmirtz

Happy Pride from a Pair of Prideful Puffins! 🏳️‍🌈💖

I wish my job was hanging out and having fun ($1000/hr)

big gay dragon (they/them)

if they hate then let em hate and watch the money pile up

Beagle puppies rescued from a medical testing facility got to meet Snoopy. (source)

peace and love on fucking earth

your abstract concept fucking bit me

sorry i'm think with my dick (doesn't have a dick) (i.e. does not think)

“People found it hard to believe that a babe like Jennifer would associate with a dork like me.”