iamabeautifulperson18 reblogged

beardedmrbean

theman

I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF

tattooedzombigirl

This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.

imanutcase-10

Then bring me luck

thirddeadlysin

the day after I posted this last time I was notified that I was selected for a really cool mentorship gig and got an unrelated glowing review at work

devilofmidtownwest

I have a job interview tomorrow. I can't risk it.

boliv-jenta

I can't let this pass without reblogging it. I'm so sorry.

iamabeautifulperson18

Hoping for good things!!

iamabeautifulperson18 reblogged

everythingfox

Definitely

cricketcat9

…aaaand! HE DID IT!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

tilltheendwilliwrite

GIF by spoontastica

iamabeautifulperson18 reblogged

gallusrostromegalus

Today's Adventure is that I, after an unintentional 13-hour power nap,

Got woken up at 6AM by a phone call from a friend stranded in Montana because of the heat wave and almost no cell service because of their crap provider.
OhSoThat'sHowIt'sGonnaBe.jpg
Ok.
I somehow summon a week's worth of spoons and in less than 30 minutes and 5 phone calls, get them
A hotel
An appointment with a mechanic from 2 states away
A perscription refilled from 2 states away
and A Pizza
Go me.
But then it's 8AM and there are unscheduled live humans at the door and while EVERGENCY MODE is still on, I have already blown through a ton of spoons, and also probably shouldn't meet whoever it is wearing just a pair of bootyshorts that say "CRYPTID" in Gothic Font on my ass.
So I greet them in those shorts and a T-shirt that I manage to put on both inside out and backwards
#nailedit
It is, Fortunately, not the mormons.
it is, Unfortunately, two UPS guys trying to deliver my other in-house friend's new phone except the new guy doesn't know how to operate the "sign for package" device, and the old guy that's supposed to be mentoring him is like, 92, deaf as a post, and doesn't actually know how to operate the device either.
by the way
it is already
over 100 out
it takes almost 30 minutes to sign for the phone
when i get back inside, i discover that apparently the Corgi has learned how to open his kennel from the inside because he is now out of the kennel and waiting for me to come in.
he also has cat litter all over his face because while he was waiting for me he also learned how to open the baby gate to the cat's room and help himself to a cat shit breakfast.
He'll be fine
He's a cattle dog, they're legally required to have at least 1 really disgusting snack they love.
but
more to the point
i have no idea at what point he learned to open his kennel from the inside
has he been staying there out of politeness this whole time??
And
I got other shit to do today.
namely.
I'm seeing a realator
The Devils most pathetic yet effective demons
I get a reminder text that I have an appointment with her
at least
I think that's what it is because what she sends me is: "🏡⏰12:00 ❔"
With the time typed in the middle like that.
She is, according to her profile, at least 80.
so I reply "😎👍"
and then she sends me a string of GODDAMN POST-MODERN EMOJI HEIROGLYPHICS THAT TAKE UP MY ENTIRE SCREEN.
She's on an iPhone so half of them don't even translate across platforms
It takes me half an hour and three different software programs and goddamn wingdings to translate, but she has sent me the address and rules about masking and not wearing shoes inside.
in emoji
instead of like
literally any other format
I am
FASCINATED
and simply must meet the woman so if I don't come back to update I got stolen by the fairies but I'm taking the Corgi with me as protection so I'll see y'all later.

gallusrostromegalus

Update:

It's not fairies
It's Doris.
might be about to get a sewing machine and/or start an ACAB riot.

gallusrostromegalus

Ok, so:

I'm going to see a prospective house because due to various circumstances, I'm probably going to be moving to the other side of a major metropolitan area in the next few months, but that's not important.
I get to the house
I get a text from the realtor
The realtor is not the person who has been texting me in emoji
The person texting me in emoji is the homeowner, who the realtor says will let me in if I want, she's running late.
Sure
Why not
I put Herschel on leash and go to the front door
As much crime as he commits at home Herschel The Hanukkah Goblin has terrific public manners, and is Very Cute so I'm about 90% sure the emoji fairy is going to let me take him through the house
Door opens.
90-something blue haired old lady with a spine like a question mark and glasses that could be used as telescope lenses opens the door.
"OH [Gallus]! How lovely to see you!"
This woman clearly knows me because she remembers my anniversary was last week and that my sister is back from Australia.
Problem is
I know about 500 geriatric ladies with blue hair, scoliosis and extreme prescription glasses, because I am a member of 2 quilt guilds, the scientific illustration guild, the rocky mountain SCA and stagehand for three different theater companies, so I know everyone's grandma and fuck me if I can tell them apart.
Wait
There's a quilt in thekitchen, visible front hall
I don't know faces but apparently I can recognize applique techniques at 40paces.
"...Doris? From SAQA?"
"YES! Who is this handsome little man?"
Herschel speaks enough English to know that "handsome little man" means "this person will feed me milk bones and bacon if I'm cute enough"
Immediately does a Sit Pretty and Shake.
Doris is bewitched
This is fine, but I also know I'm about to severely disappoint the realtor because there is no way in hell I'm moving into this House.
Because
The reason Doris is moving out is that her neighbor is a Cunt Magnifique and has been harassing Doris and everyone else to form an HOA and "improve the quality of our residents" because this woman has nothing better to do than be a racist-ass busy body, and recently, she's set her husband, a county sheriff on Doris, trying to bully her into signing paperwork and threatening her with legal action and writing her up for bullshit property violations
Ain't putting up with that shit
And neither is Doris, so she's selling all her shit and moving out to live with her grandchildren in Santa Monica.
But she's technologically impaired, so the only indication that there is an estate sale happening is a small paper sign in her front yard.
"Doris." I say, as Herschel makes himself comfortable on the couch for belly rubs and pieces of ham. "Did you tell SAQA or FRCC or anyone on Facebook that you're having the sale?"
"oh, I don't know how to do all that!" She sighs. "I tried to call the Denver post but they just put me on hold for ages..."
"Watch Herschel for 20 minutes and he's only allowed to have that one piece of ham."
Pics of everything
Address, time and pics to Facebook, both quilt guilds she's in, two more I have contacts for, nextdoor, and the local SCA discord for good measure.
It's 12 minutes and Herschel persuaded her to give him at least three pieces of ham.
He is petitioning for a fourth by doing a little puppy dance on the living room rug.
"OK, that's enough ham, people will be here in 10. Where is your cash box?"
Because apparently I'm running an estate sale today too.
It's fine :)
There's about 7 minutes of quiet.
Then
They DESCEND
The first on the scene is DeeDee, who doesn't believe in speed limits. She's arrived with a horse trailer. I remember that she is also moving.
"HI DORIS SWEETHEART WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL I HAD NO IDEA THIS WAS TODAY I WAS GOING TO TAKE ALL THIS TO THE GOODWILL HERE LET ME SET UP ON YOUR LAWN "
DeeDee is 73, and has a special spiritual bond with Hello Kitty. She weighs like 98lbs, dresses exclusively in neon pink sanrio clothes and the kind of eye makeup drag queens aspire to.
She also speaks non-stop at a volume normally associated with jet engines.
Half the horse trailer is already spread out on the lawn.
Doris is putting price stickers on stuff
Herschel is trying to tear open a bag of cotton batting.
This, and the arrival of approximately 56 minivans, five more trucks with horse trailers and Corgi Excitement Screaming alert Cunt Magnifique that something is happening outside.
Madame saunters off her porch up to Doris and Demands to know what's happening, you're supposed to notify the neighborhood and get a permit to-"
Doris, surrounded by her pack of silver wolves, shouts. "OH HELLO! EVERYONE, THIS IS MARCIA. I'VE TOLD YOU ALL ABOUT MARCIA." >:)c

... further details in a bit I think the Vikings are here.

gallusrostromegalus

~`* SOMEONE'S GETTING FIRED!!*`~

gallusrostromegalus

OK so.

You know those high school house parties you see in movies, where the person invites only a few friends, but those friends call their friends, and those friends call THEIR friends and soon like 500 people show up to one house and someone calls the cops and that one John Mulaney sketch with "SCATTER!" happens?
Old people will 100% do this too, except instead of a house party it's an estate sale on a wednesday afternoon and when the cop shows up there are lawyers present and he is in DEEP SHIT because his wife just spent the afternoon admitting to doing a bunch of wildly illegal shit on tape.
So when we left off, the party had really started getting underway, because Marcia the Cunt Magnifique had decided to crash the estate sale and whine about "we're supposed to coordinate garage sales as a neighborhood" and "your friends are blocking traffic on this cul-de-sac while nobody is home" weh weh-
DeeDee is about ready to throw hands but she is nowhere near the most dangerous of the Silver Silver Wolves.
That's Dr. Ruth.
Dr. Ruth turned 99 this year and went paragliding for her birthday
So you understand just how hard she goes
Dr. Ruth sort of hobbles over and point-blank asks "So I understand you've been trying to start a homeowner's association?" :3c
Marcia
Entirely misunderstanding how much danger she's in
Starts enumerating the TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS of trying to start one, because SOME PEOPLE DON'T RESPECT AUTHORITY and all the paperwork and talking to people and she even had to ask HER HUSBAND. A SHERRIF. To go around and hand people stuff to sign.
Some people, right?
Dr. Ruth nods. Some people. She agrees.
You know.
Her son is a lawyer.
Why doesn't she give him a call?
Marcia, a Moron: Oh that'd be great!
Dr. Ruth, hobbling back to Doris: "Don't worry. David will handle this."
Meanwhile
The Friends-Of-Friends and the Friends-Of-Friends-Of-Friends are arriving, lured in because they heard the words "Longarm Sewing Machine" and "Hand-made quilts"
Various factions present include but are far from limited to: -Probably Six Quilt Guilds -The Denver Art League -The Denver Leather League -The Vikings -The Klingons -The Colorado Wild Game Share -A Pack of Scientific Illustrators -A Pack of Assorted Scientists they brought with them -The Sheep Lesbians -The Horse Lesbians -Three Extremely Competent Finnish People (My Scientific Illustration Professor and her sisters) who immediately take over the estate sale and turn it into an auction to maximize profit and keep the taxes in order.
Someone brings two additional Corgi called "Cap" and "Bucky"
They are Pembroke Corgi, and weigh about 21lbs apiece
Herschel is a Cardigan Welsh Corgi and weighs 42lbs because he's hug even for a Cardigan, and is Delighted with his New Minions.
They worship him as a God and follow him around so every time he sticks his face in something two smaller corgi faces immediately follow, like some kind of adorable cerberus.
Pelts and meat shares are being traded out of the backs of trucks and vans
Someone is making bratwurst.
Intrigued by the Brouhaha, Doris' neighbors emerge.
They are also Geriatric and very nervous, because Marcia has been harassing them too.
They are telling this to the members of these factions that are also lawyers.
There are at least 5 of them so far and David isn't even here yet.
I realize my realtor isn't even here.
I decide to text her.
She is somewhere in the crowd and having a nervous breakdown because She's SO LATE!!!
Ma'am.
It's 103 out.
I was just handed a freshly grilled Brat
Some bitch is incriminating herself on the lawn.
Nothing scheduled is happening.
Come sit in the yard and watch the Corgis play on the Palyskool plastic slide set. They're disassembling it like tiny furry engineers.
Have a bratwurst.
One of the Klingons appears, having physically carried my realtor through the crowd, and gently deposits her on the lawn before handing her a Bratwurst.
Diane, the Realtor, is not much older than I am, and from the preppie swaths of society that has "Never had a dog growing up" and "Didn't Know People Could Just. Make. Blankets?" and "What is this? It's like a hot dog but spicy?"
She is having a LEARNING EXPERIENCE.
One of the Horse Lesbians comes over and compliments Diane on her Dior handbag.
Diane thanks her ans compliments the apparently expensive brand scarf she has on. Do you. Know all these people?
Horse Lesbian explains that she's part of the SCA, and what that is, and that why yes. Her girlfriend Tasha is an armorer. Yes like for knights.
More Livestock Lesbians assemble.
They are pulling off shirts to show off livestock and battle scars, and biceps.
Diane is LEARNING A LOT TODAY.
I am just getting everyone's contact info and making sure Herschel does not consume his weight in bratwurst.
BWOOP!
Uh-Oh.
Marcia's Husband is here.
I step out front.
He has used the siren to largely part the crowd and pull into his driveway but it has closed around him and there is No Escape.
He starts huffing and puffing about blocked traffic and permits and the like, but this is not his usual Can-Bully-Without-Consequences crowd.
These are Grandmas.
Veterans of the 60's protest front who never let up.
He's starting to turn bright red and looks like he's about to cry and I've got my phone out to record whatever Incident is about to occur.
-And a Mercedes pulls up.
It's David.
Dr. Ruth's son.
The Lawyer.
And I emphasize that The because David is not some mere ambulance chaser.
David is the guy that the state sends to prosecute Corporate Fraud and Organized Crime and Other State Departments.
David was part of the team that took down the CO Branch of the KKK.
David is all of 5'4", very round and a balding little man that looks like the Dictonary Definition of "Nebbish" that moves with such intense confidence and authority that he pretty much has the Pillar Men Theme Blasting behind him at all times.
So when he and three other lawyers from the state's office step out of the car
Mr. Sherrif goes from red to while like color-changing octopus and I am like 50% sure he shit himself.
Because what he and Marcia have been doing is Very, Very, Very, VERY, Fucking Illegal.
"mArCiA!" he garbles. "sHuT tHe fUcK uP!"
Marcia is standing in the middle of the cul-de-sac, having spent the last 3 hours recounting to anyone who will listen about the 'measures she's had to take' and now the 5 lawyers that were here are delightedly handing over the paperwork that she had forced on Doris and her Neighbors, and pointing at all the doorbell cameras and witnesses out to the state's top prosecutor.
Friends
I ugly laughed.
FOUR HOURS LATER: -Auction wrapped up with a solid $40K to Doris' name plus pending sales on some of her larger furniture and antiques
Plus whatever David gets in damages from the county sherrif's office.
Marcia and husband are fucking busted
Herschel spent all afternoon running around and eating snacks and is passed out on the floor
Diane is "meeting up with" one of the Horse Lesbians next week.
The sewing machine went to someone else but I did open my purse and found out Doris or someone shoved a bunch of cash in there.
I'm getting ice dream and going to bed.

neither-blue-nor-green

Every time this comes across my dash, I'm delighted and read it again. It's like a comfort post. It's like meeting old friends. I just love these things making their rounds like reruns of our fav shows

tilltheendwilliwrite

Always reblog.

iamabeautifulperson18 reblogged

winterbarnesblog

A space heater and a koala

Summary: It's fall time...and you are COLD...but your space heater is there to warm you up

Warnings - none

Things in fic - FLUFF; Lovely fluff, because we all need some fluffy Derek Hale fics

A/N - Enjoy fluffy Derek!

iamabeautifulperson18 reblogged

helplesslyinlovewithcharacters

mayakern

just a little body talk comic.

i have so many more opinions about this topic than can fit in a tiny, nine panel comic.

iamabeautifulperson18 reblogged

hxlyhead-harpies

Big Black Boots and an Old Suitcase part 5

series masterlist

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Chapter Summary: Sirius and the reader uncover an artifact from their past and (Y/n) gets brave at Lily and James’s engagement party.

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of alcohol, angst

Word Count: 2.4k

A/n: heyyyy don’t hate me too much for this. also the band i mention is literally my favorite band so ummm maybe go give them a listen… i will admit that they are definatly not everyone’s cup of tea but i love them. the song i mention lyrics from is called blitzkrieg bop. okay bye i hope you enjoy!!

You hummed to yourself as you sifted through the stack of records in front of you. It was a Saturday morning and you were out with Peter and Sirius. The three of you often went on little excursions over the weekends, ones that you called “roomie adventures” much to their dismay, and today you had ended up at a second-hand record store.

The shop had the same feeling as playing an old vinyl; a familiar warmth and a nostalgic but welcoming vibe. The piles of records stood higher than you could reach and there were shelves and shelves of hidden gems to find. Your fingers brushed over the R section of the punk collection. You thumbed through the cases, hoping to find what you were looking for. You let out a breathy laugh when you found the record you had been searching for. You pulled it from the shelf and stared down at the cover, a wide smile adorning your face. You turned your head to search for Sirius.

Keep reading

iamabeautifulperson18

To those that are Sirius Black fans I really recommend this story. The story is beautiful written.... Even tho someone wrote a sexually charged moment to have it broken by Peter.. and then have a BEAUTIFUL moment that I can't wait to see be resolved in the next part. Definitely go check out this story and her other works!! #anxiouslywaitingforthenextinstalment

iamabeautifulperson18 reblogged

athoughtfox

on the pevensies’ names

SO there’s something that always bothered me about Susan, and that was: why is she called Susan??? Peter, Edmund and Lucy’s names all have clear significance, but I never could see what about the name ‘Susan’ was important for her character

UNTIL my last reread of the Chronicles, when I spotted something in VoDT that I couldn’t BELIEVE I’d never noticed before. It’s a HUGE pointer towards what happens with whether Susan eventually returns to her belief or not, and although I’m sure I’m not the first person to have seen it, I can’t remember reading about it in any Susan’s-fate discussions before, so here goes.

Peter, Edmund and Lucy all have names with deep significance. ‘Peter’ means ‘rock’, which is clearly well suited to his role as the ‘rock’ of the family, but perhaps more importantly he’s named after Saint Peter, who in the Bible is something like the rock upon which my church is founded. The Pope sits on ‘the throne of Saint Peter’ as God’s representative on earth (for the catholic church at least), and Peter’s throne is that of the High King (CS Lewis did a little power in Narnia flowchart thing and Peter sits right below Aslan on it I think). plus the whole Peter-and-the-gate-of-heaven thing in LB.

‘Edmund’ is a two-part name, translating to ‘prosperity’ and ‘protector’. Sure, ‘protector’ is applicable because of his actions against the Witch, but his name is mostly significant because of its use in Shakespeare - in King Lear, Edmund is the name of the Duke of Gloucester’s bastard younger son, who betrays his family to gain power. Shakespeare’s Edmund is never completely redeemed, but he is an ambiguous character who can be played as really awful or quite sympathetic or a bit of both, and he’s got lots of parallels to Narnia’s Edmund.

‘Lucy’ means ‘light’ and hers is pretty straightforward - she shines the light onto the path to Narnia and to Aslan for her family.

But Susan? ‘Susan’ means ‘lily’, and for the longest time I could not for the life of me figure out why that was important. CS Lewis wouldn’t give all the others such significant names and then come to Susan and be like oh well I guess that will do, but I couldn’t find what it was. Sure, lilies are flowers traditionally used at funerals, which is a bleak bit of foreshadowing, but it didn’t seem like enough.

AND THEN

I was reading VoDT and at the end, when they get close to Aslan’s country, what do they find? A SEA OF

LILIES

and I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed this - that the flower on the path to Aslan’s country is the flower Susan is named for. which, combined with the foreshadowing in PC about her returning to Aslan, is a pretty strong hint about her eventual path.

If we also take a look at a compass - the sea of lilies is in the utter east. it’s heavily implied in the Narnia books that Susan’s path away from Narnia starts when she goes to America, which - from England - is a journey west, the opposite way. so Lewis is definitely paying attention to direction here. and to the east, on the pathway to Aslan’s country, he filled it with Susan’s flowers.

my whole standpoint on the problem of Susan is a bit more complicated, but I think this is a lovely whisper from Lewis about her eventually getting to rejoin her family

notebookqueenofnarnia

I’ve never hit reblog so fast

iamabeautifulperson18

This post has given me hope (and new knowledge)

iamabeautifulperson18 reblogged

nobody7102

I present to you:

The 2:33AM point I made to my sister well she’s halfway across the US on a trip.

You can make me choose between the classic.

Choose between the CW hotties.

Hell even make me choose between the my Apocalypse Boys.

BUT NEVER

Make me choose between three Kings.

iamabeautifulperson18 reblogged

littlemaatta

Surprise - Derek Hale x Reader

@iamabeautifulperson18 said: Derek x reader. Older sister of Scott but you’ve been away at college so you haven’t seen Scott in awhile. So everyone thinks that you don’t know anything about werewolves or anything. BUT plot twist you are actually a werewolf and in a relationship with Derek. So you show up at the loft one night during a pack meeting and shock everyone. And then be like “why didnt you call me”

a/n: Derek is about 5 years older than Scott and everyone so reader is the same. when she and Derek graduated, Scott would be in like 8th grade.

this is kinda short, sorry.

warnings: none

reader is described as: female. no size, skin, or hair descriptors.

GIF by imtheslytheringirl

Beacon Hills is and always has been a complicated town.

You’ve known that since you were in high school and met a family of werewolves, shortly after becoming one yourself.

Keep reading

iamabeautifulperson18

This is exactly what I needed today after failing a quiz 🙈 exceeded my expectations and more! Thank you! 🥰

iamabeautifulperson18 reblogged

littlemaatta

Together - Derek Hale x Reader

Anonymous said: Derek x reader soulmate au! Matching tattoos? Maybe the reader is a new teacher at school (an alpha but no one knows) and the kids see your tattoo one day and recognize it as Derek’s. So they find a way to get y'all together and when you see each other your eyes flash or something? I’m so glad your requests are open! I love Derek and soulmate au’s!! They are honestly my lifeline rn 😂 (If you don’t like this, you def don’t have to write it. I just thought it would be cool!)

a/n: i love this prompt so much, thank you for sending this! I made it so that your soulmate’s tattoo shows up smaller and its not in the same place as theirs.

warnings: none

reader is described as: female. I don’t think I used any size, skin, or hair descriptors. please let me know if I did so I can fix it :)

GIF by hobrien

“Good morning, everyone.” you call as your students shuffle into their seats.

A few mumbled responses reach your ears and you smile. You begin your lesson once everyone is settled, turning to the board behind you to write down the pages of the textbook that your students will need to use.

Your class goes by quickly, you spend most of the period helping your students with the assignment, and soon enough the bell rings.

Keep reading

iamabeautifulperson18

Y'all this was so cute! I definitely recommend you check it out. The author took the request and flushed it out. #derekhalexreader #derekhale #showsomelove

iamabeautifulperson18 reblogged

fandom-cuties

Imagine Derek encountering his fiance with Peter

Summary: Derek and Peter were talking to only be interrupted by a roar. Derek was

Previously, Imagine Derek disbelief not understanding why he was called by Scott

A loud roar was heard above them to only slowing turn their eyes above them to see your two-discolored eyes glowing in the dark. You were kneeling on a tree branch over them.

“Found the kitty,” Peter whispered to only to start running only causing you to react like a predator.

You jump on Peter slashing his back with your claws before you get interrupted by roar by Derek who bared his teeth and flashing his alpha red eyes.

You slowly stood up with growl ripping through your throat, before Derek started to sprint in the direction to high school.

You let out a loud roar to let the alert other rapid betas. You found prey to hunt.

He soon heard the other three roars in the distance and hearing heavy footsteps in the distance heading his direction.

The realization hits him.

You were acting the alpha of the three rapid betas, which means they would follow the directions of their alpha.

The leader of the pack.

Derek better neither lose you or hurry to head to the high school.

Masterlist

iamabeautifulperson18 reblogged

katymacsupernatural

kmacsjewelry

It's Monday and we all need something to start the week off right. So I've decided to do a giveaway!! Everyone who REBLOGS this post is entered to win this decal!! I am willing to ship overseas as well, so dont let that stop you!

All you have to do is reblog this post by tonight! I'll pick a winner tomorrow morning!!

If you would rather buy, it's only $3 here: