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English rain.

@morethanwords0475 / morethanwords0475.tumblr.com

Goodbye, sir, it has been a real honour.
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𝐄𝐧𝐠π₯𝐒𝐬𝐑 𝐫𝐚𝐒𝐧. intro

Hi TCC! I'm J (she/her), a biromantic high school graduate.

πŸ’ My primary TC is Incas Lily. He was casual and sweet as a teacher, and I am really good at his subject Biology. We got closer in the past year but had some rough times, still we seemed to have a special connection. I'm trying to keep in touch with him but it's hard.

πŸ›¬ Our programme director, C, is my platonic TC and the only one still in the school. We used to have meetings every week to talk about my mental health and chat about everything. He makes us feel like equals. I will be able to regularly contact him in the future.

πŸͺΆ T was my primary TC for three years before he left, during which he taught me English. We were close; he knew how hard I worked for him and liked me as a student. He was adored by our year group. We don't communicate as much now, though I still miss him more than words can say. S is his wife, I admire her a lot. I really wanted her to like and support me when she was here, as she had often done.

πŸ₯‚ L and K were my maybe-romantic TCs, though I no longer have strong feelings for them. L left two years ago but I have occasionally been in contact. I sought reassurance and comfort from K as he was usually very gentle and caring towards me before he left a year ago.

This is a safe space for y'all, and please send asks!

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I know C and I were already so much closer than I'd ever gotten with a teacher, but after 8 months without seeing him, I so wish we could hang out like friends one day. Go somewhere outside school. Have a meal together, sit in a cafe together, get desserts together. Take a stroll through a park, maybe walking his dog. Our conversations wouldn't change, but I just want to feel that casualness with him.

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It feels a bit ominous... I think my story with T really might be ending.

I messaged him to tell him I did something impressive related to the essay he had supervised me on, it was a big part of our relationship before he left. At first I was disappointed by his short reply, even though he wrote, "Wow! That is impressive." I had thanked him for his help on the essay, and he ended with, "I just wish I had been there to see it through." It made me so sad. I can't tell if it's genuine, but he'd never said anything like that before. It's how I've always felt with him.

After having time to process, his response no longer feels dismissive, yet I have still run out of things to keep in touch with him about. Exactly a year ago, we reestablished contact after three months, and since then we occasionally talked about my uni applications, the final exams, etc., but I have nothing left now. Unless he messages me again first, this might be the end. It's a sad note to end on.

I literally just noticed that he put a heart-eyes reaction to my message back then?? It's so out of character but so cute I'm losing my mind.

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it is unreal how watching the first part of Doki Doki Literature Club is bringing back intense memories of T... when I was in his afterschool activity I was the one who wrote poetry, and T helped give me feedback. that was such a special thing to share.

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a lecturer who knew me a little before asked me to write something for a project and I was so anxious hoping he'd like it. he just told me I have a "natural gift" and it reminds me of T so much. T always said I was good at writing even when I never believed it. he was the one who brought me through this journey and gave me everything.

this lecturer will never know how much I struggled with T's subject, but I think T would be proud that my abilities live on without him.

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I hate how I'll, like, strategically plan out the best time to contact C again and wait for weeks and weeks, and when the time actually comes, I'm suddenly too nervous to fucking do it.

and then I regret it the moment I hit send! the waiting makes me sick.

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T JUST WATCHED MY INSTAGRAM STORY?? HELLO???

his acc is private but I know what it looks like, and we've only ever been in contact through LinkedIn, so seeing his name on my Instagram was so so surreal. he would have had to search my name up. I miss you sir wish I could text you again.

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nothing makes me more self-conscious than going to see my TCs for one of the last few times. I learned to apply foundation for my 'coffee date' with Incas Lily and looked for ages for a nice dress to wear. I'm getting anxious again about going back to school in May because I hate my hair and just want to look good for one day for C. it's nice to put in effort for a special thing like this but it's hard.

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We have a lecturer who looks like a combination of Incas Lily and a younger T and my head goes blank every time I see him.

I just sat in the front three rows of his lecture for an hour and could not take my eyes off him. He reminds me so much of them and is kind of cute in his own way I'm losing my mind.

I've never seen T or Incas Lily in a long wool coat before. and today I saw this lecturer wearing that. I'm going feral looking at him.

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