Saturday Night Guys

I wrote in my journal for the first time in a bit and thought I should drop in here to say hi.

I met someone back in August and I’m head over heels for him. He’s honest, sweet, communicative, and a dozen of other things. This relationship feels different from those before. Like I know that he is my person even though we haven’t known each other long. I can picture my future with him and I’m excited about it.

The boy is doing great. It’s his birthday month so he’s been trying to convince us to give him presents early. My dad caved and now he has a Xbox. So that’s a thing. Recently he talked about his friend from school and how he wanted to play with him. This is big for him as he is a shy kid who spends a lot of time with adults. Now we are on a mission to find his parents in the pickup line. They are both walkers so it should be easy except we rotate between 4 people for pickup. Also he likes math. I almost wanted to call my doctor and ask if there was a sperm mixup that day.

Good talk.

Random thoughts at the water park…

Why are there so many babies, like 2-6 month olds at a water park? I was downright amazed how many babies I saw. Now don’t get me wrong, I took my 3 month old to a protest (the year was 2016) but a water park?!?

Having to carry your tube up the stairs is torture.

No tubes should be allowed in the wave pool. You can ride the waves without them.

I’m not a water park person and I don’t think my son is either. He wanted to go back to the condo’s pool.

I like to drop in here when I have questions that are not appropriate for Facebook.

Can former sex partners remain friends?

Reason for asking…

I am friendly with an ex and his girlfriend, of over a year, found a card I gave him when we were dating. She lost it and he had to block me on Facebook and delete my number.

Edited to add…

Him and I dated for almost a year. Our breakup was mutual and we both have respect for each other. We’ve been friends since. She knows that I have moved on and am dating. We only talk on the phone every so often and we’re FB friends.

I need to yell this out from the rooftops because I DO NOT UNDERSTAND how an accomplished, smart, pretty, single mother of 1 IS CHRONICALLY SINGLE!

The men I left behind, most importantly the ex-husband and recent ex-boyfriend are moving in with their girlfriends.

I’m just sitting over here on the apps and meeting shitty people.

*Hi friends. I miss this.

The kid had mono. Let me tell you how fun the last two weeks have been.

I used to write a blog about my dating antics when I was younger.

I want to write a blog about my dating antics now.

But I’m tired.

It floors me that men haven’t gotten the memo when it comes to creepy behavior. Like we tell you and you don’t listen.

I’m at our badass dog park that includes a bar. A women bartender started telling a story about how this dude made sexually explicit gestures when she walked away. This dude comes walking toward the bar and is trying to get the attention of said bartender. She leaves the bar and heads to another part of the place all while he is saying her name and asking what’s wrong. He then proceeds to go the way she went and it’s obvious that he’s following her. He comes back and another waitress walks up and he says something to her which sends her walking quickly in the opposite direction.

By now I’m generally creeped out by him and move out of his general area. I saw one of the women talking to her manager but I’m not sure if she’s shared her experience because said dude is still here and is still creepy AF.

Whelp, another guy bites the dust. It’s seriously fine, I wasn’t getting what I need from him but be an adult and see yourself out properly. Basically ghosting someone you’ve been seeing for like three months is not a good look.

So I immediately jump back on Match because I could really go for an emotionally available man. But do they exist? The jury is out.

I’m a fucking catch, just need someone besides myself to realize it.

Woah, time is going by fast. Let’s catch-up.

The baby boo is in Kindergarten and he hates it. It’s “so boring” and he just wants half days everyday. He’s doing great with his behavior and homework. Parent teacher conferences are coming up and I’m looking forward to hearing what he’s like in school.

I’m still seeing the dude I went on a third date with. It’s been cool, calm, and fun. It’s good to be around someone who understands kids are the top priority and that schedules and shit. His communication style leaves a bit to be desired and I could probably do something about that by communicating that.

Remember that great grant meeting I was feeling good about? Damn did things go downhill with that FAST. Not because of anything we did, they are mess internally. We got an email this week that sounded like things were going to get back on track.

Rex the puppy is crazy but is petty awesome. He loves the dog park, walks and all the attention. We have a lot of work to do on his manners but I know that will come as we work on training. Right now he’s mad at me because I’ve been VERY lazy because it’s the first day I’ve had to myself since I probably wrote that last post.

Life things…

Returned from our annual mom/son vacation. This year we hit up the mountains and stayed in CO, right outside Denver. We enjoyed the coolest town, Nederland. I’m a bit obsessed with it. We did a lot of water and baseball activities. It was lovely.

Returned early on Friday so I could meet with some funders who are thinking of working with us and giving a bunch of money. It went really well and we should hear something on Friday!

Met a dude and had our 3rd date last night. It’s extremely comfortable to be around him and we have good chemistry. It’s kinda scary because I really liking him and being vulnerable is difficult but that’s what make things exciting. We shall see.

I need to do some work today but I rather just be incredibly lazy. I’m sure I’ll get it together later but not anytime soon.

Kindergarten starts next Monday with back to school night on Thursday. He’s pretty excited and I know it will be a great year.

I feel like I come here when something upsetting has happened. I guess it feels comfortable writing it down.

My best friend from Jersey lost her father this week. A massive heart attack, no coming back. She’s an only child like me. While I know that all death hits us hard but it feels so lonely when you are having to keep it together for your family because no one else is there to take care of things. All you want to do is crawl in bed and cry.

It’s bringing all those feelings back. It’s rushing at me and I’m a fucking mess. My biggest fear is something happening to my dad and I’m alone. I don’t have a partner to help. I know family and friends are there but when you just want to be held and have someone be that rock and you don’t have it, it’s terrifying.

I had been dealing with lots of feeling from my last relationship. The emotions were just too much today and he said he wants to try with this new girl he met. It stings. It hurts even more because of I’m alone. And that just brings up all the thoughts about being alone when something tragic happens. Now I know, I’m amazing and I will be fine, just right now I’m not.

Add to all this work is so overwhelming it makes me sick. It’s all good things, exciting things, wonderful things but it’s taking a lot of work and I’m tired, oh so tired. Oh and I got puppy. I love him but he’s a puppy and if life wasn’t already overwhelming

So it’s the perfect storm for emotions and I’m a wreck. I’ve got to get it together because there are great things ahead. Great things in so many ways. The future is so bright I gotta wear shades. But for now, I’ll wear the shades to hide my weary eyes.

Riddle me this…

For the second time in a row I think I’m getting ghosted. I am choosing to believe that they are nervous to meet my wonderful self but I can only fool myself with that through my for a bit.

The first one happened last week. We had made plans for an early happy hour. This was our second attempt. The first one was cancelled because he was having a crazy day. We had maintained contact for a good while, sent pictures, etc. At 9:30pm he is saying that he can’t wait to see my sexy eyes in person and by morning he didn’t respond to my text confirming and then proceeded to unmatch with me and block my number (I know because a subsequent text never was delivered). It got me so annoyed that I deleted Tinder. I mean, if you change your mind please just say it. We are over 40 here.

Tonight I was supposed to meet up with another guy. Again lots of texts, exchange pictures, etc. I text him this afternoon and have got nothing. Again, he was talking about how excited he was to meet me. I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND?!?!? Communicate people! Even if it might be disappointing to someone.

What the fuck is happening? Any clues? Any dudes follow me want to enlighten me?

No man on Tinder has a job that makes them be a headless boy because of their job. None of them are secret agents, except they seem to play one in real life.

Just looked back on my last post and it was talking about my dad having a procedure. Well today he was at it again getting a watchman placed in his heart. So I spent the day at the hospital again. I really hate that place but it is what it is.

The last month has been one hell of a ride…

My board passed adding a youth program to our current program offerings. Now it is an all out run to get things together by September.

My former BFF hasn’t been talking to me for about 6 months for no apparent reason except she hates my boyfriend. Well after no communication I got some and she said some horrible shit. I didn’t bite and sent her an email basically setting my boundaries.

My said boyfriend and I broke-up. It’s all good and we are doing the friends with benefits thing for a bit.

Since I’m single again I jumped on the dumpster fire called Tinder. It’s an adventure and good time killer. I have met two guys. One was a minister and he basically ghosted me (I find it to be hilarious) and another dude I’m going to see him again tonight on my porch.

The kiddo “graduated” pre-school!! He’s headed off to public school in the fall. He’s pretty pumped about it.

When the doctor doing your dad’s procedure at the hospital says, “I took care of your mother.”

Trauma response is sarcastic, “well we know how that worked out.”

Probably don’t lead with that when you are telling me my father needs to do another procedure.

I swear that all I see on Instagram and Facebook are ads so why even bother?

I know I want that service, I don’t need your reminder.

The fucking mental load that I’m feeling because I was gone for four days and now am sick so my dad is taking the kid for the night is so heavy. Like I should get myself together to take care of him but I’m also sick and can’t take care of him if I don’t take care of myself.

Jumble of words means I am basically beating myself up for being sick and choosing to do what I need to do to get better. 😭