tumblr every april fools

THE CURSE IS BROKEN

me: *sobbing in the woods*

The eldritch horror that’s been watching me from behind a tree: ….Red Lobster’s hiring.

me: *turns around* oh shit fr?

the default way for things to taste is good. we know this because "tasty" means something tastes good. conversely, from the words "smelly" and "noisy" we can conclude that the default way for things to smell and sound is bad. interestingly there are no corresponding adjectives for the senses of sight and touch. the inescapable conclusion is that the most ordinary object possible is invisible and intangible, produces a hideous cacophony, smells terrible, but tastes delicious. and yet this description matches no object or phenomenon known to science or human experience. so what the fuck

this is what ancient greek philosophy is like

False! “Sightly” is a positive word, so the default way for things to work is good as well.

The true most ordinary object is beautiful, horrible sounding, very smelly, intangible, and delicious.

I still don’t think it matches anything in existence but to truly understand a thing one must know its true nature.

"touchy" is also a word! however it's mostly used for things that aren't objects, like subjects of conversation. it either means "oversensitive and irritable" or "requires careful handling/wording, delicate"

i think the second one works well for our hypothetical object. so we can use that.

therefore, the Default Object is:

and i still cannot think of anything that matches this

behold, the default object!

hey girl sorry um. we stabbed your boyfriend in the senate house. yeah a seer told him to beware the ides of march but he didn't listen. brutus and cassius got him. i'm so sorry

Roasted chicken, ginger, daikon, shiitake mushroom soup with lime, cilantro, broccoli sprouts, and rice noodles

Thank u for this contribution

Souphelia

OPhởlia

So whats up guys

the sky

ok

You know what, fuck you. How dare you. NO one knows what the say after that shit. Am I supposed to laugh at that joke? If anyone has ever laughed at that joke, they were LYING to you. They were being nice because they felt SORRY for you. You just wanted to end the conversation early. Got somewhere to go bozo? You a busy man?

Damn, and I thought my jokes were bad

I hope I live long enough to see the children of Palestine, Afghanistan, Iraq and Syria wake up to the sound of birds not bombs

me completely by myself in my room: alright everybody just calm down

— Frank Zappa, (via. luciferifilia).

I want to be everything and nothing at the same time.

Girlhood means wanting to buy 73773829 things when you have absolutely no money.

and then when you do have money you forget everything you wanted

the dmv and school have me about to start tweaking and not stop for 8-12 business days

8 years.

7 years.

she gets me (my bedroom floor)

me and who