Yo Soy Slut

forever thinking of the time i just wanted to know how long i could go without sleeping and google autofilled it to “in minecraft” without me realizing. you can imagine my shock and horror until i read the website title

michael myers being like in his 60s is so so very funny to me dude will not stop slashing. he should be at cracker barrel getting the senior discount 

shows this meme to my therapist

how do you even satirize this

me giving my pet chihuahua two kisses: chimuahmuah

sorry that it didnt make you chihaha

game time (via: @brittanynlau)

You coward, you ended the video early because you didn’t want to admit defeat.

A crushing victory

I was out with a friend tonight doing one of my fave things. Reading the backs of romance novels aloud. Found this gem.

This is honestly the most wild sounding romance novel I have ever seen and thought it might brighten someone’s day.

OK FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON’T REALIZE, SANDRA HILL IS THE WOMAN WHO WROTE “ROUGH AMD READY” ANOTHER EROTIC VIKING NOVEL. SOME OF THE MORE MEMORABLE QUOTES BEING:

“As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm.”

“Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.”

“Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.”

YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE I HAVE READ THIS TO AT COLLEGE. ONE GUY COMPLETELY LOST IT FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES AFTER HEARING THE PHRASE “DICK ANEURYSM.”

Sometimes life’s a slowburn, sometimes it’s a dumpster fire. 

And sometimes, it’s just perfect. 😍 

Order your copy of Flash Fire by TJ Klune today!

hows the streaming selection on tuvi? what about gigi? vumbi and pubu? tobi? Guvu?

This is how sims talk

Not Everything That Crinkles Is a Snack For You - A novel by me, about my pets

Sometimes I Open the Fridge For Me - the thrilling sequel

this is my favorite addition by a mile. I am now glad that I made this post

alright fuck you guys this is gold

I need to smoke weed with this bitch

The Left has finally succeeded in transing Bigfoot’s gender…