transcripts 4 accessibility!

[Transcript: As a trans person, people ask me all the time, they’ll say, ‘Dylan… Have you done it? Did you do it? Did you go out and do it, girl?’ And I’m always like, ‘whaddya talking about?’ And they’re like, ‘You know… Have you had the surgery?’ And first of all I wanna say, oh my god, thank you so much for asking. I love fielding questions about my genitals. And second… shit, it’s kind of a personal question. One I don’t always feel comfortable sharing with people. But you know what? I think I’m in a place in my life where I can talk about it, so… I guess I just want you to know that with a lot of time, a lot of pain, and a shit-ton of money, that uh, yeah. I did get the surgery. I got a second dick installed, y’all, YES! (bright techno music starts playing as she dances.) I got that double pump action going on, I can play both bongo drums at the same time, and I can DP your girlfriend by myself, so… hope that clears things up! If you have any more questions about my body, feel free to keep it to yourself. Thank you, goodbye! End transcript]

Audio transcript here:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_NC3QJ2uEzCtCQzB64jb7T0PPPJQvG1PbFCJimNQUKk/edit

(Best-viewed on desktop, the person on the left is talking over the original video (right) so I decided a two-column format works best.)

Scout (mid-ranged voice, quickly speaking): Hey Pauling, you heard of Runesca--

Soldier (deep gravelly voice, pirate-like, and always yelling, interrupting): SON would you just ask Ms. Pauling that already?! For gods sake you're looking like a red pill made of cock!

Scout: Soldier, what the hell does that even mean?!

Soldier: I learned it on The Internet, son. Reddit's a marvelous thing.

Scout: What the hell's Reddit, some kind of encyclopedia for buzzwords?

[Voice heard through a transmitter (a bit distorted with static, mid-ranged voice with flat tone)]: You wouldn't know, Scout, you're not based enough.

Scout: What the fuck's "based"?

[end]

(sorry for meh formatting, and for this beint super bare-bones, I'm on mobile and doing this quickly before I go sleep)

she will EGOT within the nearest decade

[A very nasally, slightly shaky, high pitched voice, with the most annoying demeanor you could imagine]: Ladies, first and foremost I would like to thank [pause] each and every one of you [pause for breath] for coming to my baby shower [she says this next part with a vocal uptick:] today.

Whether you had to drive, get on a plane, [she says this next part as if she’s suppressing laughter:] or walk down the street, it means the absolute world to me.

Jason and I [pause] could not be more excited for the birth [pause] of baby McKaylin. 

As you know, he couldn’t be here today because Saturday is for the boys [pause], but what he also doesn’t know [she mock-whispers this next bit:] is that it’s for the girls too. [short, breathy chuckle]

To my best friend Sarah, thank you from the bottom of my heart [pause] for throwing me [pause] the most beautiful baby shower [pause] I’ve literally ever seen.

Thank you.

[End transcript.]

YouTube is planning a huge fuck you to hard of hearing people, deaf people, and people who just want to watch a video in a different langauge!

They are planning to remove Community Contributions in September, under the guise of 'low-usage', even though essentially every large series with captions I have seen has owed those CC to their community!

Please sign and share this petition!!

HEY SORRY ACTUALLY LEMME REVISE THIS--here's a bigger petition already going around which you should sign instead!!!!

[The speaker has an even-toned, mid-ranged voice. There is a quiet, buzzing room tone in the background.]

Speaker, quickly: “I wish y’all would raise this much hell over pedophiles and child traffickers.” We did but you still elected him president, and after we showed you sources, you said it was fake news.

Ok, but are you on grass tiktok?

[The speaker is using a voice distortion filter, so the audio is very shaky, and jumps in pitch. Generally, it is high pitched. In the background, there is a slow-paced, chord-heavy piano song playing. The speaker is speaking charismatically, with a lot of energy.]

Speaker: We’re gonna be looking at a few different types of grasses today for absolutely no reason. Um. This is buffalo grass. 

[the image in the background changes to a grass with long stems.]

This type of grass normally sprouts out from your lawns called finger grass or crabgrass.

[the image in the background changes again to a grass with long stems and pouches for seeds on the tips.]

This is rye grass. Um, honestly if you see this on a trail or something like that and you run through it... you will walk out with some ticks. Like, we don’t like that, we don’t like rye grass.

[the image in the background changes to a shaggy, long, dark grass. The speaker speaks excitedly.]

Now this... is it! That good ol’ fine fescue! It’s like layin’ on a god damn cloud. Softest shit. 

[The image changes to a short, light-colored grass. The speaker is now speaking with their original intonation.]

Can’t forget about the good old-fashioned perennial ryegrass. You probably have this at your local park.

[The image changes to a more vibrantly colored short grass.]

This is a tall fescue. Honestly you’re gonna find hella ladybugs and, like, maybe even spiders in this. It’s like [here he mimics a gag and makes a continuous sound that varies in pitch] no thanks.

[The image changes to a landscape with short, vibrant grass and flourishing, full-leaved shrubs and trees. He speaks in a deeper, sultry tone, still with the voice distortion filter.]

Oh my... 

Don’t even get me STARTED on the Kentucky bluegrass... Boutta make me risk it ALL oh my GOD look at it.

[End of transcript.]

I’m not kidding or trying to be funny I genuinely think she deserves at least 45 Oscars for this

[The audio and video are slightly out of sync, as if the person in the video is lip-syncing.]

[A very nasally, slightly shaky, high pitched voice, with the most annoying demeanor you could imagine]: Jason.

[clicking noise made with the mouth, followed by a short breath] 

If you had told me a year and a half ago, today, that the guy taking my order at Outback Steakhouse would one day be my husband… [She giggles as she says:] I would have never believed you!

Look at us. We’ve made it. We’ve gone through ups and downs, highs, and lows. And we’re here. Today. In front of our friends and family… and God. Getting married. 

[A sharp exhale through the nose as if slightly laughing.]

I vow to not get mad at you every time you keep the toilet seat up [she says this next part very loudly:] and that’s a LOT. 

And I promise to always love you, no matter what. [Her voice is shaky as if she’s laughing at this next part:] Even when it’s the Super Bowl, and the Eagles lose.

[Another clicking sound is made with the mouth, and the speaker inhales sharply, as if trying to get the audience to laugh with her.]

“Your Black Friend" animated short film by Ben Passmore, Alex Krokus & Krystal Downs

truly accurate.

Transcript: https://docs.google.com/document/d/10ZTZZqldx4klU8UMlXrrQKDSlnhabYHmHDkXwWs5Zu8/edit?usp=sharing

(Feel free to make copies and edit, I’m not 100% sure how to write transcripts but did my best.)

Comic for Purchase: https://www.silversprocket.net/your-black-friend-and-other-strangers/

Transcript under cut. It’s long, but included here for easier mobile access.