something like self care

“If it doesn’t hurt, you’re not trying.”

I’m not sure where I picked up this lesson. Maybe it was somewhere between watching my siblings stress over school and my own “putting in the effort” to make friends. Maybe it was somewhere between being told to laugh when I was sad and learning to smile when a loved one began to fade away. Maybe it was born with me, tucked under my skin as I went from cradle to school where merit was awarded after sleepless nights and silent tears.

It is, probably without exaggeration, the most destructive phrase I’ve ever lived by.

It’s lead me to believe that I owed people more than my best. If I started a conversation, I had to make sure the person I was talking to was having a good time. I had to nod and smile and ask them questions when it lagged (because it lagging was obviously a sign of my lack of effort). If I told someone I’d help them with a project, I had to roll up my sleeves and do more than they ever asked just to prove that I really wanted to help them.

If doing something didn’t make me unhappy, then I wasn’t really trying, was I?

Keep reading

If you don’t have means to a therapist or mental health professional

Check out therapistaid.com. There’s worksheets there that you can download for free.

Of course it would be a lot more beneficial if you have a therapist to help you through it but not everyone has access to one.

It’s a free site where you can have free downloads of worksheets on many things.

If there’s something there that you think would be helpful, print it out and complete the worksheet on your own.

It’s hard to be accountable for yourself but at least there’s a way for you to have some insight and work on yourself.

Also if you use these in conjunction with the app Wysa

therapistaid is great, i get resources from there to use with my clients. here are some others

https://psychologytools.com/

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/

https://www.actmindfully.com.au/free_resources_worksheets,_handouts_and_book_chapters

https://www.anxietybc.com/

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/

ok do you guys remember those Capri Sun “RESPECT THE POUCH, RESPECT IT!” ads where children would deface a Capri Sun pouch in some way and then suffer some karmic punishment thematically connected to the way they disrespected pouch then there were Airheads commercials where eating an airhead would turn your head into a balloon and there were Fruit Gusher ads similar to that except your head turned into an enormous piece of fruit what happened where for this brief period of time (in america at least) it was decided the best way to get kids to buy fruit themed junk food was to imply there was some kind of chaotic evil force that would let you sip its sweet nectar and feast on its fruit, but only if you were willing to sacrifice your state of existence and obey the artificially flavored outer gods   

I love having a therapist who is also a millennial because we communicate so fucking well like today she called something “so meta” like folks if you’re considering going to therapy I highly recommend the training clinic at your nearest university because those grad students have been the best therapist I’ve ever had and they always have a sliding pay scale and I literally pay nothing because I make less than 10,000 a year and get fantastic mental health care

#seeing a grad student is a great idea#because 1) they’re actually current and up to date on research and they’re gonna be all about EBP and give you the best most current treatme#and 2)#their caseload is fraction of any therapist’s in the real word so all of their focus is on YOU and they care about you so much!!!#ok not all of their focus is on you because a lot of their focus is also on being in school but all their CLINICAL focus is on you#you’re one of their first clients ever! they want to do their best!!#and 3) (I was gonna do two but I thought of a third)#they’re being supervised and scrutinized and held accountable#and yes this is coming from a speech language pathology grad student not a counseling grad student#but it is a kind of therapy#and I know the same thing applies to other clinical programs (@boxofpigeons)

I am intrigued. Filing this away for later.

As a millennial grad student therapist, I wish more people knew that free or low-cost, up-to-date treatment from closely supervised, highly motivated individuals may be readily available to them. If you’re looking for a training clinic, this website is a good place to start, but also googling “[your city] psychology training clinic” or “psychology training clinic near me” works. Any university with graduate programs in clinical or counseling psychology should have an associated clinic, often separate from their on-campus health/counseling centers (which are another good, typically free resource for anyone enrolled there).  

It’s important to note that student therapists will usually leave after a year or so to continue their training at other sites, which can be difficult for individuals looking for long-term treatment. But if you’re in need of something shorter-term (which most of the empirically supported treatments for problems with mood, anxiety, phobias, and substance use are designed to be), or if you just want someone to talk to during a difficult time, your local training clinic might be just the thing!   

If you’re in the Bay area and you can manage it, check out CHAC in Mountain View. It’s a community health center that provides therapy services, one on one with training or skilled therapists based on what you can afford and are comfortable with, and subject based group therapy, for adults and children alike. They’re familiar and comfortable with LGBT+ individuals and they’re all really. REALLY. Nice

small summer self-care tips from one mentally ill person to another, based on ur hogwarts house

slytherin:

gryffindor:

hufflepuff:

ravenclaw:

no more ‘vampires who correct history books’

more vampires who don’t remember more vampires saying ‘i don’t fucking know man, google it’ more vampires not remembering important historical figures more vampires not recalling centuries worth of history more vampires saying ‘ that was at least 300 years ago, how the FUCK could i remember that detail?’ more vampires whose brains work like human brains

More vampires who 300 years later can’t remember what was the truth and what was the lie they told to get out of trouble.

More vampires who are like, “I don’t know, man, I spent most of that decade in an opium den.”

More vampires who weren’t paying attention because they didn’t think it would be important.

More vampires who don’t know because there was lot of conflicting gossip and they don’t want to point any fingers.

More vampires who are just bad at dates. “Back in 1620, or was it 1645, wait, what year is it now?”

More vampires who were on a totally different continent when it happened, so get off their back and stop asking them questions already.

YES to all of this but also consider: vampires who only remember the most trivial stuff.

“Oh yeah, the only thing I remember about the American Revolution was this nice candlemaker I met sometime, and she was wearing this really cute red shawl…”

“Uhhh I don’t remember much about the fall of Rome but there was this one fucking cobblestone right outside the coliseum…”

Also consider: vampires who realize three or four hundred years after the fact that they knew someone famous.

Just sits up in bed one night screaming “THAT WAS GEORGE GODDAMN WASHINGTON”

*vampire wakes up his girlfriend in the middle of the night*

“Stacy. Hey, hey Stacy.”

“Wh- Eric, what now?”

“I just realized that I missed the entire Islamic golden age.”

“Wh- what?”

“I missed it, Stacy. The whole thing. I was lost in a forest the whole time. I was so lost.”

“Eric, I’m trying to sleep.”

“Stacy they… listen here, Stacy. I missed the invention of the number zero. Stacy, Stacy I’m freaking out.”

Dr. Joy DeGruy: Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome

If you’ve been paying attention to my main blog, @deadgodjess, you’ll know I’ve been hosting an alien parasite for the last 39 weeks. We’re getting down to crunch, I could (hopefully) pop any day now.

What this means for the blog:

Art posts will become even more sporadic for the next month or so. Due to (very minor, very normal) complications I’ve been unable to really paint or draw really in the last couple of months. That’s going to keep going until at earliest July. However, by then the baby should be settled enough and I’ll be in a somewhat bigger space so I’ll have more room and time to work. I hope to keep posting photos and graphics but I can’t and therefore won’t promise anything on that front. Babies are work, take a lot of time and energy, and it’s hard to really WANT to tear yourself away from them when they’re very new.

A request for help:

So… I’ve been hedging on this since October, written many posts that got immediately deleted, and am finally screwing up my courage to ask for help.

I got the official word that I was pregnant on September 28th. This was a planned pregnancy, we had it all worked out for how we were going to afford everything and it all was supposed to be, financially wise, smooth sailing.

On September 29th, my husband, the primary (and now, sole) income earner, broke his ankle and leg in three places. This put him out of work for four months. In early October, I came down with the nastiest case of strep I’ve had since I had scarlet fever as a kid. Mid October my husband came home with crutches to a 2nd floor walkup. In November my 9yo caught the flu, followed by MY catching the flu. In November I also had to leave my job do to mental health issues I have been struggling with since I was 12 and were exacerbated by stress.

We’re fortunate for we had access to disability through his job that was quick to respond to us and quick to pay out. This wasn’t nearly enough (The only pay out 60% of regular, full-time income. As we were just making it work before with a lot of overtime, you can imagine) and we fell behind on medical and other bill payments. We live with my mother who had to shoulder all the bills alone for those four months. We hardship cashed out our 401ks (that we were very lucky to have) and depleted pretty much everything we were relying on to help us with the first few weeks of baby needs and to help us move out of my mother’s $3k/mo 5-room apartment.

We’re slowly building back our savings, but just as my husband has been recovering his ability to work and take over domestic duties, I’ve been becoming increasingly bed ridden due to my (again minor, but horribly inhibiting and painful) pregnancy complications. He was able to go back to doing overtime for a couple of weeks but now I’m much less capable it’s hard for him to take extra shifts when he needs to, and when the baby comes he definitely won’t be able )or WANT) to work 5 16 hour shifts a week. Further, he’s still recovering. His ankle hurts to the touch on rainy days and as he’s a medical technician, 3 16 hour shifts a week is taxing enough. When he was doing 5 I was afraid he’d re-injure the ankle.

People have been very kind and supplied us with most of our immediate needs (some baby clothes, bassinet, etc) for when the baby first gets home but there’s always more (and I’m incredibly conservative when it comes to deciding what baby items I ABSOLUTELY need), but if there’s anything anyone can do to help out I’d deeply appreciate it. I also appreciate that asking people to give me something for nothing is asking a lot.

Support Options:

I have a Redbubble shop with LOTS of options that I add to often.

I have a Patreon.

I have a ko-fi. Right now, if you buy me a ko-fi I’ll make a graphic for you like one of the following from one of my flower photos for you to use however you wish There’s some limitations (too much text won’t show right, for example) but I’m willing to try:

At the very least, I beg you to at least reblog this to get the word out.

Thank you very much, and I wish you all the best.

Contrary to Popular Belief Africa is Not a Monolith

“You don’t look African”

Considering Africa is a continent with 54 different countries and over 3000 different ethnic groups, it really shouldn’t surprise people that there is no one set look for an African. 

Afar people:

San people:

Amazigh people:

Oromo people:

Hausa people:

Masai people:

Edo people:

Wodaabe people:

These are just 8 of the over 3000 ethnic groups in Africa, and you can already see how beautiful and varied the people of Africa are.

THERE IS NO ONE AFRICAN “LOOK”.

i’m gonna re-read children of blood and bone when finals are done 

AND IF YOU HAVEN’T READ IT YET THEN GO FUCKING READ IT. CHILDREN OF BLOOD AND BONE BY TOMI ADEYEMI, IT’S GETTING A SEQUEL, IT HAS EVERYTHING YOU NERDS WANT: MAGIC, BLACK PEOPLE, MENTAL ILLNESS, ROMANCE, FRIENDSHIP, CROPPED DASHIKIS, FAMILY DRAMA, MURDER, FIRE, DISCUSSIONS OF COLORISM, DANCING. IT’S WRITTEN BY A BLACK WOMAN WHO IS AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING DELIGHT. THE MAIN CHARACTER IS A DARK-SKINNED BLACK GIRL Y’ALL BETTER SUPPORT THIS SHIT

SHE HAS A MOVIE DEAL!!! SO Y’ALL BOOK GEEKS BETTER SHOW UP THE WAY Y’ALL SHOWED UP FOR MY BITCH SUZANNE AND THE HUNGER GAMES AND THE WAY Y’ALL CONTINUE TO SHOW UP FOR JO AND THESE CORNY ASS FANTASTIC BEASTS MOVIES. TOMI DESERVES IT!!

Empathy: I feel you

Sympathy: I feel for you

Lycanthropy: I feel awoo

kinda funny when english teachers say stuff like “i can tell if you didnt read the book” or “i can tell when people bs their paper”

no you cant.  you can tell when people are bad at bs-ing their paper.  i didnt even read the sparknotes and i barely skimmed the wikipedia and you gave me an A.  you kneel before my throne unaware that it was born of lies

“YOU KNEEL BEFORE MY THRONE UNAWARE THAT IT WAS BORN OF LIES” IS ONE OF THE GREATEST SENTENCES I’VE EVER READ AND I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT’S ON A POST ABOUT BULLSHITTING ON ASSIGNMENTS.

#may i #an English teacher#point out that some of us have just figured that there are some battles worth having and some worth avoiding#unless it’s straight plagiarism #anyway #i know my students hit the internet#i hit the internet when i need clarity or to review a point or more information#why punish them for that?#and if the paper is good enough to fool me then well at least i taught them some damn good writing skills#not gonna fight the inevitabilities of the 21st century (x)

may I, also an English teacher, point out that I pass kids I know didn’t read the book all the time. if you have the skills to bs a full paper with a critical analysis high enough to get an A, you’ll be fine in the real world. I’m not worried about you. when I announce to the class, “I can tell if you didn’t read the book,” I’m talking to the kid who hasn’t read the book, hasn’t been paying attention in class, and has missed the key learning opportunities needed to develop the critical thinking skills they need outside of school.

someone who writes the sentence “you kneel before my throne unaware that it was born of lies” on a bloody tumblr post doesn’t need my teacher-voice scare tactics.

creepy as fuck, but also amazing [tweet]

Found the creature- it’s called an Oblex and it appears in Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes along with art of the kid’s player character! They’re apparently the result of Mindflayer experimentation on Oozes and they’re sick as fuck, you can read about them in <a href=“https://www.google.com/amp/comicbook.com/gaming/amp/2018/05/23/dungeons-and-dragons-make-a-wish-mordenkainens-tome-of-foes/”>this article! (X)</a>

hey guys here are some actually good gay or just generally wlw/ artists that dont make shitty male gaze-y songs in case u want to clear ur pallette from the mess that is “girls”!!!

and there’s my two cents but really, there’s a whole amazing world of wlw music out there that’s worth a venture, so go do urself a favor and explore it!