I’ve decided that Mark Zuckerberg died in a failed experiment to upload his brain into a computer and his shell is now controlled by a demon

I have no evidence for this aside from his face and everything he’s ever done

i wanted to feel loved without feeling like i was begging for it

do you ever think about how weird of a name “squidward tentacles” is like imagine if your name was humanward arms

90s babies we’re getting old

i don’t want to talk about it

some fucking teenager called me “ma'am” today and I can’t stop thinking about it

Pan Dulce con Leche & Chill

The two biggest fuckin liars on television

I hope all of yall find $20 on the ground tomorrow.

And I mean that.

$50 maybe

a dropped money clip from some clumsy, unobservant capitalist shithead with in excess of $5000 in it

when u wanna talk to someone but u don’t wanna be……..too much

I can’t believe Jameela ended the kardashians

in case you guys don’t know, flat tummy or dieter’s tea, works through giving you the world’s most savage case of diarrhea which dehydrates you and you “lose” weight. all of these girls who are advertising the tea results got there through basically shitting themselves

honestly, i highly doubt they even use the tea. they’re, like jameela said, using dietitians, personal trainers, and plastic surgery and just pretending the tea did it so they can make money.

laxative teas are extremely dangerous when used regularly for weight loss. they can literally kill you. the people advertising this shit to impressionable people–often kids–are human garbage.

Be careful, my heart is like a locker room, you can’t get out once you’re in and only i have the key.