On The Disregardment Of Canon

Fic where nobody ever told Damian that his other siblings were adopted

“🙄 I am aware of Father’s so-called ‘playboy’ reputation, Todd, you aren’t going to trick me”

Top tier Damian

No one can convince him otherwise and his sibs don’t even try because THEY FORGET TOO

Damian believes the hyphenated last names are his siblings honoring their mothers and his father is a disgrace AND a coward for not using the name Kane-Wayne

Damian: father must have been very young when he had you

Dick: yeah he was pretty new to the whole superhero thing, and-

Damian: i can see why he initially gave you away to that family of acrobats

Dick:

Dick: what

Damian: father you are a coward!

Bruce:

Damian: not even going to try and defend yourself? Good. You deserve no defense for this-this cruelty. He is your son! Your blood!

Bruce: ???

Damian: I understand your relationship is fraught now, but then? You have no excuse Father. Absolutely none.

Bruce: Will you at least tell me what I did?

Damian: You buried Jason as a Todd! A Todd alone! It’s bad enough you had another child you gave away because you weren’t ready to raise him, but to not even put Wayne on his tombstone??? To discard your child in death as you did for so much of his life? Unforgivable.

Bruce: ?!?!?!?!?

Damian: Next time red hood tries to shoot you, do not count on me to try and apprehend him 😒.

———

Damian: *squinting at tim*

Damian: why does father love you more than Todd and Richard?

Tim: the fuck?

Damian: he placed you with the drakes. And while they proved unworthy at least some effort was put into securing your future at the start. And Richard’s I suppose, though father couldn’t have known his body type would be suitable to acrobatics so young. Especially when he could have inherited fathers body type. But Todd??? I see no forethought in that decision. It’s like he just tossed Him into a dumpster and-*gasp*

Damian: *grabs sword*

Damian: I’ll be going to see father now.

Damian: *pointing at Cass and Tim* Why can't you live up to Father's legacy as well as they and I have?

Steph: *stifling giggles* Of course, sorry, I'll try to do better.

Damian thinks the only reason B hasn’t “adopted” Steph is because he’s waiting for her to prove herself. Which he agrees with, but then he reads in a parenting book that that’s not how you’re supposed to do it, so now he doing a 180 and trying to berate Bruce into doing better. All while Steph is in the background frantically trying to get him to stop because she hasn’t gotten adopted by Bruce yet and she’s not about to let Damian ruin that for her.

Fic where nobody ever told Damian that his other siblings were adopted

“🙄 I am aware of Father’s so-called ‘playboy’ reputation, Todd, you aren’t going to trick me”

Top tier Damian

No one can convince him otherwise and his sibs don’t even try because THEY FORGET TOO

Damian believes the hyphenated last names are his siblings honoring their mothers and his father is a disgrace AND a coward for not using the name Kane-Wayne

Damian: father must have been very young when he had you

Dick: yeah he was pretty new to the whole superhero thing, and-

Damian: i can see why he initially gave you away to that family of acrobats

Dick:

Dick: what

Damian: father you are a coward!

Bruce:

Damian: not even going to try and defend yourself? Good. You deserve no defense for this-this cruelty. He is your son! Your blood!

Bruce: ???

Damian: I understand your relationship is fraught now, but then? You have no excuse Father. Absolutely none.

Bruce: Will you at least tell me what I did?

Damian: You buried Jason as a Todd! A Todd alone! It’s bad enough you had another child you gave away because you weren’t ready to raise him, but to not even put Wayne on his tombstone??? To discard your child in death as you did for so much of his life? Unforgivable.

Bruce: ?!?!?!?!?

Damian: Next time red hood tries to shoot you, do not count on me to try and apprehend him 😒.

———

Damian: *squinting at tim*

Damian: why does father love you more than Todd and Richard?

Tim: the fuck?

Damian: he placed you with the drakes. And while they proved unworthy at least some effort was put into securing your future at the start. And Richard’s I suppose, though father couldn’t have known his body type would be suitable to acrobatics so young. Especially when he could have inherited fathers body type. But Todd??? I see no forethought in that decision. It’s like he just tossed Him into a dumpster and-*gasp*

Damian: *grabs sword*

Damian: I’ll be going to see father now.

Tim tries to prove it with a DNA test.

Damian: Don’t try to fool me as you fool the other imbeciles. I know the truth. I will play along with the facade you present the world though I do not comprehend why you insist on saying we are not related by blood, but do not try to “pull the wool over my eyes” as the internet says. It would be quite easy for you to fool a DNA test.

Tim: *throws his hands up*

The idea of Tim doing a DNA test to prove Damian wrong only to find out that he’s actually proving him right has me cackling.

Tim: See Damian, we’re really not related. I’m ado-

*beep*

*looks at the results*

*sees that they’re a match*

*silence*

Damian: tt I told you you don’t have to lie to me Drake.

Tim: No wait. This has to be wrong. *runs the test again*

*still shows a match*

Cue Tim’s mental breakdown while in the background the rest of the bats are laughing to cover their own mental breakdowns. Early the next morning when the cave is empty Alfred finds Dick and then Jason running their own DNA tests just to make sure that they aren’t biologically Bruce’s

Oh my God, this is great! Imagine the reactions the other justice league members would have to this. Imagine Clark having a very awkward talk with Bruce about how his birth parents gave him up so he could live, and how hard it may have been to give up his children like that, how he could have reached out sooner and the league could have helped him protect his babies, how if this ever happens again he doesn't need to give them up because they will all help him protect his children...

all while Bruce is awkwardly like "what do you mean? I never gave up any babies? My kids are adopted?"

And now the league think that Bruce mind wiped himself to hide his kids from even himself, which to be fair is totally something Bruce would do, and would explain why he kept repeating the act of having a kid then giving them up, and maybe him finding his kids when they were older and being drawn to adopt them was because of repressed memories and also maybe contingencies meant to reunite him with his kids if something ever happened to their adoptive parents.

And of course they can't prove it didn't happen, just as they can't prove it did. Eventually even Bruce starts to wonder, especially when he finds out that Tim is his biological son. He's going to be really worried if Dick and Jason's DNA tests come back positive. Who knows how many babies he could have fathered and then hidden and made himself forget about over the years?

Fic where nobody ever told Damian that his other siblings were adopted

“🙄 I am aware of Father’s so-called ‘playboy’ reputation, Todd, you aren’t going to trick me”

Top tier Damian

No one can convince him otherwise and his sibs don’t even try because THEY FORGET TOO

Damian believes the hyphenated last names are his siblings honoring their mothers and his father is a disgrace AND a coward for not using the name Kane-Wayne

Damian: father must have been very young when he had you

Dick: yeah he was pretty new to the whole superhero thing, and-

Damian: i can see why he initially gave you away to that family of acrobats

Dick:

Dick: what

Damian: father you are a coward!

Bruce:

Damian: not even going to try and defend yourself? Good. You deserve no defense for this-this cruelty. He is your son! Your blood!

Bruce: ???

Damian: I understand your relationship is fraught now, but then? You have no excuse Father. Absolutely none.

Bruce: Will you at least tell me what I did?

Damian: You buried Jason as a Todd! A Todd alone! It’s bad enough you had another child you gave away because you weren’t ready to raise him, but to not even put Wayne on his tombstone??? To discard your child in death as you did for so much of his life? Unforgivable.

Bruce: ?!?!?!?!?

Damian: Next time red hood tries to shoot you, do not count on me to try and apprehend him 😒.

———

Damian: *squinting at tim*

Damian: why does father love you more than Todd and Richard?

Tim: the fuck?

Damian: he placed you with the drakes. And while they proved unworthy at least some effort was put into securing your future at the start. And Richard’s I suppose, though father couldn’t have known his body type would be suitable to acrobatics so young. Especially when he could have inherited fathers body type. But Todd??? I see no forethought in that decision. It’s like he just tossed Him into a dumpster and-*gasp*

Damian: *grabs sword*

Damian: I’ll be going to see father now.

Damian: *pointing at Cass and Tim* Why can't you live up to Father's legacy as well as they and I have?

Steph: *stifling giggles* Of course, sorry, I'll try to do better.

Damian thinks the only reason B hasn’t “adopted” Steph is because he’s waiting for her to prove herself. Which he agrees with, but then he reads in a parenting book that that’s not how you’re supposed to do it, so now he doing a 180 and trying to berate Bruce into doing better. All while Steph is in the background frantically trying to get him to stop because she hasn’t gotten adopted by Bruce yet and she’s not about to let Damian ruin that for her.

Fic where nobody ever told Damian that his other siblings were adopted

“🙄 I am aware of Father’s so-called ‘playboy’ reputation, Todd, you aren’t going to trick me”

Top tier Damian

No one can convince him otherwise and his sibs don’t even try because THEY FORGET TOO

Damian believes the hyphenated last names are his siblings honoring their mothers and his father is a disgrace AND a coward for not using the name Kane-Wayne

Damian: father must have been very young when he had you

Dick: yeah he was pretty new to the whole superhero thing, and-

Damian: i can see why he initially gave you away to that family of acrobats

Dick:

Dick: what

Damian: father you are a coward!

Bruce:

Damian: not even going to try and defend yourself? Good. You deserve no defense for this-this cruelty. He is your son! Your blood!

Bruce: ???

Damian: I understand your relationship is fraught now, but then? You have no excuse Father. Absolutely none.

Bruce: Will you at least tell me what I did?

Damian: You buried Jason as a Todd! A Todd alone! It’s bad enough you had another child you gave away because you weren’t ready to raise him, but to not even put Wayne on his tombstone??? To discard your child in death as you did for so much of his life? Unforgivable.

Bruce: ?!?!?!?!?

Damian: Next time red hood tries to shoot you, do not count on me to try and apprehend him 😒.

———

Damian: *squinting at tim*

Damian: why does father love you more than Todd and Richard?

Tim: the fuck?

Damian: he placed you with the drakes. And while they proved unworthy at least some effort was put into securing your future at the start. And Richard’s I suppose, though father couldn’t have known his body type would be suitable to acrobatics so young. Especially when he could have inherited fathers body type. But Todd??? I see no forethought in that decision. It’s like he just tossed Him into a dumpster and-*gasp*

Damian: *grabs sword*

Damian: I’ll be going to see father now.

Tim tries to prove it with a DNA test.

Damian: Don’t try to fool me as you fool the other imbeciles. I know the truth. I will play along with the facade you present the world though I do not comprehend why you insist on saying we are not related by blood, but do not try to “pull the wool over my eyes” as the internet says. It would be quite easy for you to fool a DNA test.

Tim: *throws his hands up*

I really, really want to write a fic of this. This whole concept is *chef’s kiss*

Fic where nobody ever told Damian that his other siblings were adopted

“🙄 I am aware of Father’s so-called ‘playboy’ reputation, Todd, you aren’t going to trick me”

Top tier Damian

No one can convince him otherwise and his sibs don’t even try because THEY FORGET TOO

Damian believes the hyphenated last names are his siblings honoring their mothers and his father is a disgrace AND a coward for not using the name Kane-Wayne

Damian: father must have been very young when he had you

Dick: yeah he was pretty new to the whole superhero thing, and-

Damian: i can see why he initially gave you away to that family of acrobats

Dick:

Dick: what

Damian: father you are a coward!

Bruce:

Damian: not even going to try and defend yourself? Good. You deserve no defense for this-this cruelty. He is your son! Your blood!

Bruce: ???

Damian: I understand your relationship is fraught now, but then? You have no excuse Father. Absolutely none.

Bruce: Will you at least tell me what I did?

Damian: You buried Jason as a Todd! A Todd alone! It’s bad enough you had another child you gave away because you weren’t ready to raise him, but to not even put Wayne on his tombstone??? To discard your child in death as you did for so much of his life? Unforgivable.

Bruce: ?!?!?!?!?

Damian: Next time red hood tries to shoot you, do not count on me to try and apprehend him 😒.

———

Damian: *squinting at tim*

Damian: why does father love you more than Todd and Richard?

Tim: the fuck?

Damian: he placed you with the drakes. And while they proved unworthy at least some effort was put into securing your future at the start. And Richard’s I suppose, though father couldn’t have known his body type would be suitable to acrobatics so young. Especially when he could have inherited fathers body type. But Todd??? I see no forethought in that decision. It’s like he just tossed Him into a dumpster and-*gasp*

Damian: *grabs sword*

Damian: I’ll be going to see father now.

The Batfam constantly slam into each other while grappling, I don't make the rules.

Cass could very easily avoid it, but she thinks is fun, so she doesn't.

Fic where nobody ever told Damian that his other siblings were adopted

“🙄 I am aware of Father’s so-called ‘playboy’ reputation, Todd, you aren’t going to trick me”

Top tier Damian

No one can convince him otherwise and his sibs don’t even try because THEY FORGET TOO

Damian believes the hyphenated last names are his siblings honoring their mothers and his father is a disgrace AND a coward for not using the name Kane-Wayne

Damian: father must have been very young when he had you

Dick: yeah he was pretty new to the whole superhero thing, and-

Damian: i can see why he initially gave you away to that family of acrobats

Dick:

Dick: what

Justice League identity reveal where they don’t know who Batman is and one day a bunch of them walk in on him just casually eating yogurt in the cafeteria with his cowl off. A bunch of them recognize him, a couple don’t, and they’re all shocked.

Turns out Batman didn’t realize none of them knew who he was, since it had taken him all of ten minutes and three google searches to put everyone’s secret identities together and he just assumed they had all figured it out by this point. Or maybe he had meant to tell them and then just forgotten. Either way, he regularly interacts with half of them outside of hero stuff and hasn’t bothered with the whole separate persona thing with them in years. Shouldn’t they really have figured this out by now? So what if he forgot? This is clearly on them.

They ask Bruce why he's there. He says"I built the place. I can go wherever I feel like" now they think billionaire Bruce Wayne is going around the watchtower wearing their super suits and Batman's is the one that fits best. He completely forgets to mention he is Batman. They forget to ask.

Billy’s name gets revealed while he’s Captain Marvel but he expertly covers this up by saying he’s Batman’s son and the “Batson” was just a funny reference to that. Batman completely backs him up on this

It backfires spectacularly btw. In case you didn't guess

HC that the average life expectancy in Gotham is actually four years higher than the national average because they collectively just keep refusing to die

the general concensus being "if we die the clown wins"

Gotham really is the perfect scientist trap, like every scientist in the world is either at "I could fix it" or "I could make it worse" with a few that are like "I could study so so SO good it and win a Nobel"

It's basically the most frantic game of whack-a-mole/herding cats. All STEM majors have a 100-level required class on why you can't go to Gotham.

I bets that's really hard/confusing for the kid from Gotham who whent to school out of state and took Gotham 101 as an easy A.

And ends up fistfighting a TA because they used a Google image of her grandma's house in a slide show.

Now I’m think about the skip rhymes and children’s games gothamites have come up with to teach kids how to survive different villains and catastrophes.

I’m imagining an in universe twitch channel where this dude goes on a walk and in the background you can see Batman fighting someone in the background, and the dude doesn’t really notice it until the chat goes insane like “DUDE RHE BAT IS RUIGHT THERE” and they turn around and say “oh wow, Tuesday already” before carrying on. Then in another stream you can see a gas filling the streets, and he nonchalantly pulls a gas mask out of their bag before stating “some places have pollen season, we have gas season”

I WAS INSPIRED children’s rhymes:

Riddlers Rhyme (to the tune of the dreidel song)

I have a little question

of which I have a part

so may I answer quickly

and swiftly to depart

oh riddler, riddler, riddler

Your questions for me please

oh riddler, riddler, riddler

the joker took your keys

Penguin Rhyme (to the tune of little sally Walker)

Mister icy penguin slippin down the street

he didn’t know what to do so he got a hostage out of me

He said hey girl do your thang do your thang and freeze

hey girl do your thang do your thang and freeze

Joker Rhyme (to the tune of the Cinderella skipping rope song)

Jokerella dressed in yella went to fight a Batman fella

he gotta case, it’s a snake now Joker running from the Arkham place

how many doctors does it take?

ha, ha, ha, ha

Fic where nobody ever told Damian that his other siblings were adopted

“🙄 I am aware of Father’s so-called ‘playboy’ reputation, Todd, you aren’t going to trick me”

Top tier Damian

No one can convince him otherwise and his sibs don’t even try because THEY FORGET TOO

Damian believes the hyphenated last names are his siblings honoring their mothers and his father is a disgrace AND a coward for not using the name Kane-Wayne

the difference is so hard. to deny as it is too true

people will hear you talk about struggling with mental illness and say “you can do anything if you just put your mind to it”. brother what part of the body does the mental illness happen in. what do you think is the problem

“Lift with your legs you idiot!”

“I have a BROKEN TIBIA! That needs support and time to recover!”

ADHD, also known as Can't Put Your Mind To Things Disease,

Don’t leave these in the tags

Explain your reasoning plzzz

I would be incredibly anxious with a lump sum that I would spend it all or run out

it would not be a rational fear; I could not temper it with logic

knowing that money was constantly coming in every day, no matter what would be a lot more reassuring