Great news everyone. There was a kitten wandering in the drive thru at work and my inner warrior cats kid tried to be a hero and capture him.

I have now suffered multiple puncture wounds and have to go to the emergency room.

Me: I shall become his mother and gain his trust

Me talking to an animal control officer five minutes later: he is a nasty horrid little boy and I am bleeding heavily

Animal control officer on the phone: So he’s in your car with you?

Me: Um. It’s his car now and he’s very mad at me.

Second animal control officer: oh you captured him and got him in your car? He’s friendly?

Me, my right hand completely wrapped in paper towels: wouldn’t say that

Urgent Care Nurse: Wow it’s strange he managed to get you so many times.

Me: I uh. Did not let go.

You vibe as someone prone to toxic relationships

People on tumblr will just say anything huh.

Oh cmon, "he hurt me a lot cause i couldn't let go" absolutely has double interpretation.

Me, holding a cat (of unknown gender) as it repeatedly digs its little teeth deep into my flesh: Is this… too… yuri?

This website is free

We pay in other ways.

Loving reminder from your land history auntie:

North American golf courses have had 50-100 years of arsenic and mercury based fungicide and herbicides applied to their soils.

Do not eat anything that has been grown on a golf course or downstream from a golf course. I know it sounds cool and radical, but you are too valuable to poison yourself with heavy metals.

Protect each other, turn your local golf course into a pollinator garden, not a sex forest or community garden.

Grow sunflowers on your poisoned land, for at least five years if not a decade. Do not eat the seeds. Collect the long stalks and treat them like nuclear waste. The sunflower stalks will remove the heavy metals from the soil.

Test your soil before growing food!!!

Happy birthday Yunho!! ✨ May you have a wonderful day and an even wonderfuller year, you big silly boy :’)

More Ateez memes! Please reblog :}

my favorite thing about this post is all the people who chose to use the default icon defending themselves in the notes like no stop it just put a picture up

Loving this energy

*wipes tear* they learn tumblr culture so fast . . . the spite . . . the malicious compliance of it all . . . I'm so proud

If you’re using Skype you should dump it and get Discord instead!

Pros:

Stuff coming down the pipeline soon according to devs:

Cons:

Download it. It’s great and it’s only getting better. It’s aimed at gamers but it has nearly all the functionality of Skype and then some.

Since Discord first became a thing, it has added:

and a hell of a lot more!  Also this is a huge shout out to any of my friends who still use Skype – I don’t use it, I use Discord.  Mail me and I’ll shoot you my details :)

Discord uses it’s own servers to host calls instead of relying on a user host like skype :0

I need to talk about the parallels between Grian+Scar and Gem+Pearl for a sec. Grian and Gem are both the sun, they’re both unpredictable and chaotic and defiant and furious and Scar and Pearl are both the moon, they’re darker and reserved and at the same time equally as dangerous.

But Grian has been the Pearl and Scar has been the Gem, and vice versa. They’ve all been the killer at some point in time. Scar and Pearl’s parallel in Double Life and Secret Life of being alone, and their deaths mirror each other’s previous ones. Grian would kill for Scar, Scar would die for him. Gem would kill for Pearl, Pearl would die for her. Their relationships are complicated and messy and invariably linked to each other. Grian and Pearl are watchers, Scar and Gem are the favourites of the watchers. They find each other in every world. They’re parallels in all four ways and it makes me sick ugh the storytelling is so good

anyone else relate

OK, fine, the Brits can take this one W for once.

rare occurence: tfw a christian seems to have read the same book I did

Funniest bit: OP, who is deactivated, made this post expecting people to side with the corporations

it’s sooo funny when rude customers encounter employees who can deny them service for the first time.

i was working at a little cafe where I could deny service over bad behavior, harassment etc. & mask mandates had just ended a week before & already people were being weird about me still wearing mine—an N95, the kind shaped kinda like a duckbill.

so this man walked in, looked at me sooo scathingly, laughed at me, and said “damn. never known a woman to choose…practicality over looks.”

And I just said, “oh. you can go, you’re not getting a drink.” And he said, “what???”

I said, “sir, you just walked in at 6 am & called women impractical and me ugly in one sentence.”

And he was so astonished he didn’t even argue he just turned around and left 💀🙏🏻 it was like he suddenly became self aware

Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .

You can not just say this without dropping the whole story

Ok so,

My dads coworker is at the front and this man comes Up and hands him a document.

The coworker took a Look at the document and while he couldn't read the things written by Hand, because he wasn't wearing his glases, he did notice the Logo of a different Bank so he's like:

"Oh, sorry sir you can't do that here! You have to go to the other Bank for this :)"

The man, visibly confused leaves, but dosen't take the document with him.

The coworker, now just as confused as the Guy actually Takes Out his glases and reads the hand written part:

This is a robbery

Can you imagine trying to rob a god damn bank and the teller just cheerfully tells you to go rob the competition instead

I worked as a bank teller for several years and a few things you should know, bank robberies happen far more frequently than you might think and they come in waves. When a bank gets robbed a notification with photos goes to all banks in the area to be on the lookout. And there are two kinds of robbery, the pass the note and the takeover (what you see in movies).

So our branch had had a big takeover robbery as well as a note one. We also had a teller that had transferred to our branch after having been through a robbery. She was sweet as apple pie, hair up to the ceiling, southern lady who had just been through multiple robberies.

A guy comes in and hands her a folded note. Her immediate thought was “this guy needs to learn you don’t hand bank tellers notes. I am just not going to read that.” So how the conversation goes:

Her: how can I help you today?

Him: I’m here to get money

Her: great *hands him a withdrawal slip*

Him: all the information is on the paper

Her: to process the transaction I need you to put it on my piece of paper

SO HE FILLS OUT A WITHDRAWAL SLIP. Meanwhile another coworker is looking at her latest robbery notification email thinking the guy at the window looks a lot like him but the teller is calm and seems to be following standard transaction.

Back at the window the teller notices his name on the withdrawal slip doesn’t match the name on the account so she asks for his ID. He once again tells her all the relevant info is on the folded note but also gives her his ID and says it is his dad’s account. She tells him he will need a check from his dad to get cash. He grabs the note and leaves.

ONE HOUR LATER

Two new robbery notifications hit our emails, both branches within a mile. It is our guy. Teller goes over to the manager and sheepishly informs them he was here and the time. Security department is notified as are local police and the FBI. The FBI comes over believing that these poor tellers had been robbed for the 3rd time in a month and take her statement. She is completely embarrassed telling them how everything went down and he kept signaling to the note and telling her to read it but she was just done.

To which this FBI agent of 40 years who has been to the scene of many bank robberies (several at this branch in recent weeks) says: Ok. Let me see if I got this right, he came in fully intending to rob you. He gave you the note and you just…refused to read it? So he left and went to the bank literally across the street, handed them the exact same note, and they just handed him five grand? Do I have that correct?”

Her: I am so embarrassed

FBI: this is best thing I have ever heard. He even handed you his ID! Holy-

Her: I feel so dumb!

FBI: don’t! This is the best thing I have ever heard. This is going to be in training courses. (He sat there giddy for at least 5 more minutes)

I have a similar story from my friend Fred, who is a great human and I like him lots.

He was working at a 7-11 that got robbed a lot, working nights. And he was bored and read though his entire contract and learned if you're shot at work you get $200,000. Also, he hated his boss and the job.

So when a guy came in to rob him at gunpoint he got excited and was able to hatch the plan he had been pondering while dealing with a Shitty Boring Job.

"Dude. Shoot me in the leg. Right here- it'll go through and not hit anything vital and I'll be able to quit this fucking job. I'll give you fifty fucking grand to shoot me in the leg then you can take everything in the register."

This ended with him chasing the weeping attempted burglar out of his store screaming "SHOOT ME YOU FUCKING COWARD I WANT THE MONEY".

@rmilkies

One of my uncles was a branch manager at a local bank when I was a kid. His branch had the dubious honor of being one of- if not the- most robbed bank in the area. There was a bullet hole in the wall behind his desk where he'd been shot at once.

One day, this guy came in and announced he was there to rob the place. This man was smoking a cigar with one hand and had a gun in the other.

My uncle pointed at the "No Smoking" sign and told him in no uncertain terms, "Put that cigar out, or finish it outside first."

This guy, bless his heart, went back outside to finish his cigar.

My uncle locked the door behind him and waited for the cops to show up.

This is what I like to call the Bugs Bunny Deescalation Strategy

It doesn’t end there:

another addition

do you ever just like. feel unbelievably proud of someone you’d never even heard of previously

oh my god

BITCH I WILL FUCKING CUT YOU

YOU’VE ANGERED THE WRONG FANDOM

You’re going down punk, just you FUCKNG WAIT!! You will learn that this fandom is far worse than you will ever want to know. We may seem soft and shy, but we’re just being NICE! We can be cold, cruel, mean, and make you suffer and wish you had never said what you said. We can send you into the farthest most empty reaches of the galaxy, summon demons to our disposal to make you suffer, and make you feel the feelings that we experience, and don’t fucking think for a single goddamn second that’s easy! The amount of emotions that would boil inside of you would literally kill you. So keep your motherfucking distance and we won’t hurt you, so stay the hell back, asshole. If you so much as insult us one more time, we will bring firey hell upon you and bitch slap you into oblivion. Your move, dildo.

We know how to kill a human and hide the evidence. Your body will never be found, and that is a promise.

You do realize a majority of the fandom are 20 somethings right? or at least in college. We can find you, kill you, and make it look like you killed yourself. Don’t try us :)

Shut up. We can exorcise a demon from you faster than Dean and Sam, believe me you need it. We can toss you into a supernova, never to be seen again, or banish you to the end of the universe where you would explode to create a new one. We can murder you and destroy all evidence of you ever existing. Basically- D-O-N-T-C-R-O-S-S-U-S

This is like finding a lost family heirloom you’ve been hearing about

finally….

important relic from the Tumblr Dark Ages

I know rooster teeth had a whole fucking host of problems and haven't watched their stuff in years but I still shed a tear for another day another internet group getting bought out by big media companies because "they're successful" and then being shut down because they don't make enough profit for wall street. let things stay small. not everything needs to be contract deals and billboards the beauty of the internet should be that there's thousands of little things for people to find the niche they like, not that anything that becomes popular is obviously the next big franchise and we need to throw millions of dollars at it. We live in an era where big companies are taking everything small from us. Heardle getting bought out by Spotify and then shut down bc they realized it cost more than it made. capitalism and the Internet are not built for each other.

– Смотри: я сфинкс….

Can someone please translate this I feel like it’s important

“look: i’m a sphinx”

you’re right that was important

Put your fav in the tags!

I actually used to host polls off site on here years ago and I asked this exact question in 2017 and somehow it’s still up. Gen 4 sweeped at 27% and Gen one had 3% although to be fair there were only like 600 votes at the time but it’s still interesting to see . Poll link here for reference