some post: it’s okay if you haven’t done all these things yet! there’s no time limit and you move at your own pace! you shouldn’t be upset because you’re eighteen and none of it’s happened!

me, a 22yr old: 

We need to have a nomination for “Stupidest thing Tumblr.com has ever believed” and just move into an official Top 10 List.

For my nominations, I’m putting up:

or

I can’t decide which is more beautiful. It’s why we need a vote.

this is a picture of the human brain at the moment of death. tragic and beautiful

Fuck. That is a damn good nomination.

if you close your eyes when the train hits your brain will assume you are dead. Some find this comforting.

We’re getting into the good ones now. This is some classic Tumblr.

Two old favourites:

“Bitch, That’s the Tubby Custard Machine” (http://imgur.com/gallery/IObQF)

and the horse dildo that was passed off as someone’s arm. (http://abakkus.tumblr.com/post/48958415162)

This is rapidly becoming a master post of ignorances and I could not possibly be happier.

Rare blue watermelon

That disease where you get purple eyes, no period, and no body hair

How have we gone this far without anyone mentioning the bird in the chocolate fountain

soap makes water molecules smaller

I nominate the “we are killing the earth” picture of the earth in comparison from 1978 to 2012

the dog with the slice of ham on its face that everyone thought was a gigantic burn scar

“Tequila is the only alcohol thats not a depressant so you can drink as much of it as you like”

that post with the picture of the joker without makeup and people thinking it was a real person and defending him

that photo of voldemort being passed off as an aborted fetus

The two way mirror

“listen here, cumslut.”

I can’t believe you guys forgot someone trying to pass off a picture of the inside of a fig as a microscopic view of the inside of a vagina.

I can’t believe I was on Tumblr for every single one of these posts.

Tell me, is this a universal experience

tiny minecraft boy matt bragg is here to bless your dash with his softness.

cr1tikal is a gift from god and nothing we as humanity can do will ever repay his services

human: *is heating up food*

alien: why are you doing that?

human: you see i want the particles in my food to vibrate at just the right frequency

Human: *is eating ice cream*

alien: wait you forgot to make that one vibrate!

human: well, you see, not with this food

This one is already vibrating at he desired frequency, but if it starts to vibrate at a higher frequency I lock it back in the cold box.

Human: *just reheated pizza in the oven*

Other human: *is eating a slice of the same pizza, but cold*

Alien: *exasperated sputtering*

Human: shots! shots! shots!

Alien: this liquid has negligible nutritional value and, furthermore, contains some molecules that I believe are poisonous to your species.

Human: …look, sometimes we just like to gather in social groups and disorient ourselves

Human: -eats ghost pepper whole-

Alien: I know for a fact that is killing you

Human: -through tears- sometimes… We challenge ourselves…. To be the best at not dying…. When otherwise in preferable environs..

If you haven’t adopted children with disabilities you don’t get to whine about women who have abortions because the child would be disabled.

and also

If you haven’t adopted children with disabilities you don’t get to whine about women who have abortions because the child would be disabled. 

and also

If you haven’t adopted children with disabilities you don’t get to whine about women who have abortions because the child would be disabled. 

A quick little something I knocked together, the patented tragic backstory generator ™ is the easiest way to give your character a mythically horrible origin. 

(actual tragedy may vary, results are final and non-negotiable, i am not responsible for any tears you may shed while imagining the sad life your character must have led up to this point)

Roll this for every single character in your campaign

hello my friends, i just wanted u all to know that the way Discord has stylized their logo text makes the letter “D” look like the letter “פ” in hebrew, which is called “pe” and is pronounced sort of like “p”

in conclusion: pisscorp

thank you for coming to my ted talk

My friend’s husband works for Discord. I had to show her this, and she had to show it to her husband. His reponse? The CEO is Jewish. He knew exactly what he was doing. “They don’t exactly take themselves too seriously.”

god bless

sucks when you’re just sitting around having an okay day and suddenly a wave of I Wanna Die™ hits you

MOOD

The main purpose of eurovision is excluding the usa

Eurovision is still a fucking blessing

https://twitter.com/northumbriana/status/846454474654781442

There’s this feeling I sometimes get watching humans do the cool things that humans have been doing for thousands of years. It makes my chest expand and my heart thud and I love it. I love this.

Absolutely brilliant

Half of my Tumblr right now:

And the other half:

did norway cryo-freeze alexander rybak in 2009 or do norwegians just not age

It’s just really fucking cold here