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Straight Outta Arkham

@arkhamsurviour

Welcome to my mess of a blog! I hope you enjoy! My inbox is always open
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reblogged

An action scene in a movie: *The hits or gunshots line up perfectly with the beat of the soundtrack*

Me, gasping for air: Holy shit

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why are people even questioning obesity in america

why is your tea liquidised?

….. Where exactly do you live that the tea isn’t liquid?!?

ENGLAND. WHERE IT IS IN A BAG AND YOU MAKE IT YOURSELF.

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like what do you do with already liquid tea? Microwave it?

No it’s sweet tea you drink it cold

WHO DRINKS COLD TEA???

HAVE YOU NEVER HAD ICED/SWEET TEA BEFORE?!?

so i reblogged this from a british person and i’ve been laughing at their tags for 600 years

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England, you stole tea from China.  You’ve had it a mere 4 centuries compared to their 30+.  Don’t play like you’re some kind of authority.

[skeletons ooh-ing]

Shots fired. World War Tea has officially begun.

Englad doesn’t own anything

except that time we owned most of the world

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If I stop reblogging this, I’ve gone to the other side.

I have only seen this legendary post in screenshots, so today is a blessed day.

HAH

BOSTON TEA PARTY PART 2

HOLY HELL I FOUND IT

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lilzodiac

And this is why I love Tumblr

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dmzenog

Drinking cold tea is like drinking cold hot chocolate. Sure, you *can* do it, but you *really shouldn’t*

Behold concerned Brit. Chocolate Milk

Yikes. Chocolate milk isn’t hot chocolate…

YESSS

It amazes me that people don’t know that there is such thing as cold liquid tea

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clover11-10

Listen if we can make Iced Coffee (an abomination in itself) then we can have Iced Tea

@dangerbooze do you still get notes from this?

Yup.

Source: gxldslvgs
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reblogged

wear a different perfume when you commit murder fuckin amateurs 

also wear shoes that aren’t your actual size and use gloves if you have to touch anything

what the hell is this here? A how-to-commit-the-perfect-crime??

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vimbia

Wear a wig. Contact lenses . Change your accent . Change Hand when writing . Layer up to make you look big if your small n vice versa . Contour the hell outta your face.

Get your car interior thoroughly washed, then purposely dirty it up again.

Also use an icicle for the weapon because it melts away Buy a ticket to a show and tell as many people / post it on social media that u went to the show

Y'all suspect af😂

*adds 363,462 more people to list of that I will fuck never with*

Make sure you set up a solid alibi Pay for everything in cash

Or, for those of you who’ve read Roald Dahl’s Lamb to the Slaughter, feed the murder weapon to the police

Bodies should be buried vertically, not horizontally, to avoid the appearance of a grave. If you choose to dismember the body instead of bury it whole don’t forget to take a lighter or bottle of lye to the fingertips until charred or melted away, and use bleach on every surface that may have come in contact with blood splatter.

Also, don’t fucking brag about it later Jesus wept.

all this info is good for writing

but for actual real life, no one on tumblr has enough energy to get out of bed

ain’t no body on this website is gonna murder anyone

Make friends with a pig farmer. A full grown nursing sow can eat an entire human body, bones and all, in about 6 hours.

Shit that last one is more helpful than I wanted it to be, I’ll never look at pigs the same

Reblogging for *educational* purposes :)

This post is legendary and I’m so glad I found it. I love all the advice. Except the icicle. That’s technically impossible. Use a disposable knife instead and break the handle.

use a glass knife with wooden handle for ultimate wounding. its gonna leave a severe fucking wound and u can burn the wood and melt down the glass if it doesnt shatter inside the victim.

Thomas what did i tell you about making suspiious posts?

I love learning.

IT’S ON MY DASH I REPEAT IT’S ON MY DASH.

ON MY DASH

Also bury the body deeper than six feet, so it can’t be washed up or smelled by hounds. Yes, that may mean you dig a 12 foot deep grave. Guess what? Murder is work.

Murder is work kids.

Dont kill someone you have known beef with. That’ll automatically make you a suspect because people will know you have a motive. Ffs.

Also you can inject hydrogen peroxide into the blood stream to quickly kill someone in a non-messy way. 

remember that injecting hydrogen peroxide will cause the blood cells to lyse and itll look suspicious in an autopsy if you dont manage to get rid of the body or if they do manage to find it

id recommend injecting air bubbles into their bloodstream, it would block blood flow and cause a heart attack, just make sure not to do it on an obvious part of the body so it wouldnt be easily discovered should the body be autopsied

also, if you do happen to bury the body, bury it 12 feet down, with a dead animal buried 6 feet above it, so that if your burial site does so happen to be discovered, theyll think its a grave for that animal, and not for a human

They’ll think it’s a false positive and move on. Another thing is: inject the air through the big toe.  Then it will look like a heart attack.

I’m just gonna add onto this. If they got a very recent tattoo, inject them there. The police probably won’t notice an injection mark on a recent tattoo, and if they do, they’ll think it has something to do with the tattoo. Same if they’ve gotten blood work done recently, or flu shots.

Y’all are scaring me, but I mean good to know I guess?

It’s a shame that I am too lazy

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vanessayvis

☾ moodboard: sabrina spellman

                                                i want freedom and power

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Just kinda wanna be that spooky misunderstood witch who lives in a small cottage in the woods that smells like sandal wood and cinnamon as well as walk around talking to a crow that chills on my shoulder

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Working in retail is wild, people just tell me things about their personal life and I just stand there. I don’t know how to respond to “my kid just died” or “I’m getting a divorce” like that’s sucks… $13.48 is your total.

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reblogged

We’re Peaky Blinders. We’re not scared of coppers. If they come for us, we’ll cut them a smile each.

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