@bay7let

“I wish I had never been born!” You cried to the genie. But when you opened your eyes, you were still here. The genie shook its head sadly and asked,“What kind of pain have you endured, that you would wish for such a thing?”

the paris catacombs are 1000x more fucked up than i imagined

did you know the cops once found a fully functioning movie theater with a well-stocked bar inside the catacombs and they when they tried to go back later to formally investigate it was completely emptied out save for a note that read "don't search for us"

Underground french cinema

Six Word Sentences

Person A: “(Person B) Can I please borrow your axe?”

Person B: “Sure, it’s beside my bed.”

Person A: “…..Why?”

“Well grandma kept an aluminum bat, but I like the heft and swing of an axe more, myself. Why? What kind of melee weapon do you keep beside the bed?”

To be fair my family is like this. ESPECIALLY grandma.

I think you mean OUR grandma

Imagine how different red riding hood would have been if the grandma had been like this

Little Red about to get that sweet sweet fur coat upgrade

Person A: “We need to talk-”

Person B: “I swear the bomb wasn’t my idea, I only suggested the food dye.”

Person A: “…..”

Person B: “…..”

Person A: “…..”

Person B: “…..”

Person A: “…..The what?”

Person B: Shit, I wasn’t supposed to tell you-

Person A: 

Person C: MOVE MOVE, FUCKING MOVE!

Behind them:

Something tells me that both C and B are in for more than just a stern talking to after that.

“How many people have died to achieve this world domination of yours?” “769.” “…What?” “769 people died to achieve my plans. I counted them, and had each of their names etched on my throne so I never forget what my victory cost the world. Now tell me, how many have you killed to see me dead?”

The fourth little pig built his house out of wolf skulls. It wasn’t very sturdy, but it sent a message.

Every 21st century piece of writing advice: Make us CARE about the character from page 1! Make us empathize with them! Make them interesting and different but still relatable and likable!

Every piece of classic literature: Hi. It's me. The bland everyman whose only purpose is to tell you this story. I have no actual personality. Here's the story of the time I encountered the worst people I ever met in my life. But first, ten pages of description about the place in which I met them.

Modern writing advice: Yes your protagonist should have flaws but ultimately we should root for them and like them from the beginning :)

Charles Dickens: Here is the worst ugliest rudest meanest nastiest bitch you’ve ever met in your life.

Modern writing advice: Make sure your POV character goes through a significant arc! Make sure they are changed by the narrative! Make sure they learn a lesson!

Narrators of every book of the 19th century: the lesson I learned is these people fucking suck, sayonara you freaks

Modern writing advice: It’s all about the character overcoming obstacles and learning! They learn their lesson so they can fix their mistakes and make good choices in the future! It’s a character arc! It’s called growth! Readers love it!

Everyone from ancient times through the 19th century: would you like to watch a Guy fuck up twenty times in a row

heart cat surrounded by flowers 🐈🍃 x

Soap: she says ‘is beauty all that matters?’

Gaz: And you say ‘what else is there?’

Konig: it was dumb, I know

Ghost: you should write a book, “how to offend Y/n; 5 syllables or else”

………

Y/n: *somewhere in the base*

Y/n: *randomly sneezes, looks to the right and left* who tf is talking about me?