Asexual Visibility and Education Network

I'm stealing homophobes knees who's joining?

Can I have the knees? Mine don’t work properly.

Fuck off🖕

official aromantic post

The asexual community should make the ongoing Bot Hunt into some kind of viral event. I want to look back on years later with fond nostalgia at the Great Asexuals vs Bots War Of 2024.

Flashback to that one moment where it felt like I'd found an aroace cheatcode on life somehow

I feel like sometimes, aro/ace/aroace positivity posts can accidentally exclude us non gold star holders, so reminder:

if you are ace and have had consensual sex in the past but don't want it anymore, you are still ace

if you are aro and have had a romantic relationship in the past but don't want one anymore, you are still aro

yes, even if the "past" was last week, yes, even if these things happened while you were already identifying as ace/aro/aroace, yes, even if you enjoyed them, yes, even if you didn't, yes, even if you're neutral, yes, even if you'd be willing to try again. (and of course, aces/aros/aroaces who still do those things/have those relationships are just as ace/aro/aroace as the rest of us)

and especially

yes, even if you are sex and/or romance repulsed now

Me: Asexuals really do always have the best relationship advices

Me: It's just that, for allos, our advices always boil down to the equivalent of "eat your veggies. Exercise regularly."

Aroace best friend: Look, you're using lots of high-brow romanticized language to describe emotions that I don't experience or care about, but everything you're saying boils down to "this guy makes me happy and I want to be with him and also I make him happy and he wants to be with me." So, what exactly is the conundrum?

That conversation is exactly why I sent you this.

okay first of all how DARE you denigrate the cosmically grand narrative I've developed for myself to describe my mountain of overwhelming emotions by suggesting I have logical and solveable problems

Second of all yeah our first date at that art museum was very pleasant, we're going to see an orchestra next

Izutsumi won my heart over with this simple trick: being an aroace icon <3

the bi/pan to asexual pipeline is so real

Say it with me, everyone.

ARO DOES NOT EQUAL ACE.

ACE DOES NOT EQUAL ARO.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE BOTH. THAT DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE THE SAME.

AROMANTIC AND ASEXUAL ARE DIFFERENT, AND SHOULD BE RESPECTED AS SUCH.

(please read the disclaimer at the end of this post)

Ummm, excuse me? Would you mind telling me what your definition of repression is, then?

Because I feel repressed when a doctor asks me about my sex life, and if I say I have none, it gets marked down as a symptom without being asked if I suffer from it.

I feel repressed when my gyn tells me I can't get a hysterectomy yet despite losing so much blood on every period that I need to take iron supplements all the time, because I could change my mind about not wanting children (which is a whole other post, I know, but it's most likely linked to sex).

I feel repressed if I can't use dating apps or platforms because my sexuality doesn't even exist there, and the one time I tried, I got called names because I didn't want to meet for because it was clear where this date would go, despite my explicit "what I'm looking for".

I feel repressed when I think about how recently a paragraph was finally abolished in my country that considered sex a vital part of a marriage, basically entitling the spouses to having sex with their partner (both gender neutral, because entitling people to having sex with somebody else by law is wrong. It's basically a rape permission).

I feel repressed when I can't watch any film or show without it being about love and/or sex, no matter if it fits the narrative and furthers the plot.

I feel repressed when I plot my own stories and automatically put a romantic couple in there as main characters, even though I have no idea why this would be important for the plot. Not even my own stories, my own thoughts are mine.

I felt repressed when I was asked accusingly in a relationship if I wasn't missing something before I even knew asexuality as a spectrum was a thing, and having to lie about this being a side effect of my medication instead of genuinely not feeling attracted to someone in this way.

I feel repressed when I can't tell people I'm not sexually attracted to them because they will take this personally no matter how well I explain myself.

I feel repressed when everywhere I look there's advertising relying on naked skin, suggestive posing and objectification. Why are expensive cars still presented by women considered beautiful and tempting? It's not like that's necessary to convince people of spending so much money on a thing that gets you from A to B. Couches with women in smart dresses and high heels. That's not what a normal person looks like on a couch. But the worst is a truck in the town where I live: it's from a small fruit and vegetable stand, so whenever I see it, it comes from the warehouse, delivering groceries. On it is a woman clad in very little, presenting fruit. I'm sorry, but why? Does a misogynistic picture convince you of the necessity to avoid scurvy?

I feel repressed when I tell people and get the answer "you just haven't found the right person yet", because there are two possible assumptions from that point: I'm either not trying hard enough (so it's basically my own fault) or something about me is not right, appalling even (which circles back to I'm not trying hard enough or frames me as a victim of my genetics, upbringing or circumstances to be pitied).

Do not tell me how I feel. Do not try to tell me everything is fine and I shouldn't complain or ask for acknowledgement if everywhere I look, I'm reminded of how odd, how weird and how not normal I am. How much it inconveniences you to even acknowledge my existence, let alone respect any of my traits, views and choices.

And while I can only write from my own asexual point of view, I wrote this with all kinds of flavours of aspec in mind, so I'm explicitly including aromantics, aroace people and every shade of the spectrum in this. Not all my examples may apply to you, but I hope you can find something to relate to.

ETA: please feel free to add your own experiences of repression!

figure 1.1, Me adding the nth label in my life

its "queer subtext" this "queer subtext" that until its aromantic subtext then its fucking CRICKETS from everyone. embarrassing

say it best friend!! @divorce-enjoyer

Did someone say aromantic subtext?

(You don’t need to know any music theory to get something out of this essay, and I tried very hard to make the nerdy music theory motivic analysis as accessible to everyone as possible. Go read it!)