Tell Me
Elucien — One-Shot
Lucien is ready to free Elain from their mating bond if that’s what she wishes, even if it would destroy him.
“I know you don’t want to be alone with me, but I have something to say—and to ask,” Lucien said. He wasn’t surprised to hear her heart beat faster and to see her cheeks reddening. She nodded lightly, and indicated the armchair for him to sit. He remained standing, and after a heartbeat, Lucien approached the fireplace. He took a deep breath and turned around.
What he saw made his knees falter, and he nearly dropped to the ground and bowed before his mate.
The sunlit room was shining ethereally with daylight. Even the dust, as imperceptible and insignificant as it was, was glistening in the rays of light, shinning like stars, floating around his mate. The light made Elain look like a goddess, like a personification of the Mother herself. Beautiful and tempting beyond reason. Elain seemed alive, serene and healthy—as she so rarely looked. Her golden-brown hair seemed to be on fire, and he wanted to burn and be consumed to ashes by them.
If he could steal the sun to give it to Elain, he would. And if only sunlight could reveal her and make her glow like this, he would destroy the night and make it day, so she could bathe in daylight forever.
He cleared his throat, trying to ignore the sight in front of him.
“I’m not naive,” Lucien started. “And despite what it may seem,” he pointed to his eye, “I'm not blind.”
Elain frowned. “I don’t—”
“I know you had—,” he fought the urge to growl, to deny what he already knew, and forced himself to keep going. “I know you felt something for Azriel.”
Her rich brown eyes widened and comprehension dawned on her face. An unnecessary confirmation, and yet a punch to the stomach.
“It’s all right,” he lied. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
Elain agreed with a small nod. Azriel was mated male now.
Lucien swallowed. “All these years, I've lived with the hope that someday you'd give me a chance to—,” he sighted. “A chance to try. But I see now that I was wrong. You don’t want anything to do with me or the mating bond. And I understand. I really do.” Elain stood up and Lucien backed away from the fireplace, instinctively approaching her a few steps. “The circumstances were the worst possible, and you weren't ready to find out about the bond at that point. Just as I wasn’t. I understand your reluctance about us being mates, and I know you don't fully understand what this bond means. But I need you to understand that I don't know what it means either. For I've never felt any of this before.” Lucien ran his hand through his face. “I don’t even know how to act around you.”
Elain stepped closer and looked up at him. Her eyes sparkled with something Lucien couldn't place. She truly was beauty incarnated.
“So I need you to tell me what you want me to do,” he said. “I’m not asking this as the son of the High Lord of the Autumn Court, or as the emissary of the Night Court. I’m asking you this as Lucien. And he is asking Elain, not the seer, not the sister of the High Lady of the Night Court. You and me, as the two people bound and hurting each other unconsciously that we are,” he paused. “What can I do to stop hurting you, Elain?”
Elain didn’t seem able to breathe.
“I need you to tell me you despise me, Elain,” his voice broke. “To tell me you can’t stand my presence and our bond. If that’s what you want, tell me you wish the Cauldron was wrong, or that you're afraid of the mating bond, and I’ll find a way to break it and free you from this torment. Tell me you want me away from you, and I’ll never come back to the Night Court. Tell me something—anything—, and I’ll do whatever you ask.” He took a step back, giving Elain room to breathe, to think. The path to the doorway was free, and if she wanted to flee, he wouldn’t stop her. He would let her go. “Please, Elain,” he pleaded.
How beautiful it was—her name. So sweet he could taste it in his tongue when he said it. So melodic he’d whisper it to himself at night—like a prayer, like a promise, and sometimes just to hear the sound of it. Would he ever get the chance to whisper that sacred name in her ear and smell her floral scent from the skin of her neck? He didn’t think so. But, even if he wasn’t ready, even if it would kill him, he’d free her and make peace with his punishment.
After all, he was grateful to Mother for allowing him to know his mate’s name and her scent, to know the color of her eyes, and the shadow of her smile. He was grateful for the gift of knowing her, of knowing that she existed and that a part of him would be hers forever. So he’d keep Elain’s name and the smell of jasmine in his heart. A small part of her he would keep forever.
His mate was immobile in front of him. Elain’s eyes were locked with his, unfaltering, even as tears filled her eyes.
“If that's what you want, tell me to leave,” he continued. “Tell me, and I’ll leave, and I promise you'll never have to deal with me again.” Never have words been so utterly painful to say. Never has he been so true and broken by an oath. “Just tell me what you want, and I'll do whatever it is to make you happy.”
She glanced up to the ceiling as the first tear fell. Lucien wanted to brush it away, but he knew she wasn’t his to touch, to console—not in the ways that mattered.
He faked a smile. “Or don't say anything, and I'll understand.”
Lucien waited a few seconds, but when he accepted that she wasn't going to say anything, he nodded and said, “It was a pleasure meeting you, my lady.”
He took a few steps away from her and bowed, his last farewell. Elain was completely still, as if she was a marble statue—motionless, not even blinking or breathing. Daylight illuminated her from behind, and her hair shone like a halo.
It was the perfect last sight of her. He wouldn’t have it any other way. With a last sad smile, he left the room.
Lucien was almost at the front door of the house when he felt something in his chest. A light tug that took his balance. Then a stronger, more demanding one as if it was asking him to stay.
He stopped abruptly and looked back at Elain rushing down the stairs. “Wait,” she screamed.
He did, as he always would.
Elain was flushed when she reached him at the door. She smoothed the skirt of her dress and put a strand of hair behind her pointed ear. “I can’t promise you more than—,” she hesitated. “I’m not ready for what you wish of me.”
“I just wish for whatever you’re willing to give.” Lucien couldn’t believe this was actually happening. “I want to help in any way you need. That’s all I wish.”
She gave him a precious smile—just a hint of one, yet the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. “Would you like to come back tomorrow for tea?” she asked, shyly, with rosy cheeks and shining brown eyes.
“I’d love to,” was all he said.
“I will wait for you.” She bowed her head in farewell and disappeared upstairs before he could wish her a good night.
Tomorrow. She’d be waiting for him tomorrow. Lucien couldn’t believe his good fortune.
This is the first time I post something I wrote. I’m nervous! I hope you like it <3
