home is where your cat is

I wish I could go completely numb and apathetic so I didn't feel anything anymore. No more empathy and pain. No one even cares for my feelings, so I'd rather feel nothing.

Apparently i'm a very boring person and no one wants to be friends with me or spend their time with me. In spite of all the good things I try to do for people, no one wants me in the end. It's just been a year and I've lost all those i thought were friends. They started ignoring me and hanging out without me. I've come to conclusion that it's all my fault for not being special.

There's only my boyfriend who's still with me. I hope he won't get tired of me like the others. I hope i won't make him tired.

If i will also lose him, i could do nothing but jump off a bridge or something because this feeling is unbearable.