excuse me im need a bite of whotever youm are eatinge pls

pls give me a bite righte neow pls

It's a clementine. You hate citrus!

untrue she enchante me

one of my favorite things about my job that i can say to people that sounds utterly ridiculous but is technically 100% true is that one of our sea turtles keeps trying to get me to commit a felony on her behalf and gets SUPER cranky when i won’t do it

this is because she is spoiled rotten and LOVES head and shell scritches. every time i go to the tank she’s in to collect water samples while she happens to be awake and swimming near the surface, she sees my hand enter the water and immediately comes over to try and get my attention, headbutting the dive platform and splashing water at me and generally making a huge fuss.

unfortunately, because she is also a ~100yr old green sea turtle, i legally cannot touch her. she’s a protected species, and a fairly prominent individual at that, and im not one of the aquarists who dives into that tank NOR am i a vet, so i’m not among the handful of people who are ALLOWED to give her scratchies. she knows all of the divers personally, and knows that i am not one of them. she doesn’t care. she wants attention and because she’s the specialest princess in the entire universe she will do anything in her power to get it.

she also throws a big ol tantrum when i end up not petting her. she’ll stick up her head to snort water at me, slap at the platform and ladder with her fins, and then swim under the dive platform and bump her shell against the bottom — she’s a 500lb turtle, which is a lot of weight for her to be throwing around. i usually have to move pretty quick to get off the platform and onto solid ground cuz there have been times where i’ve genuinely felt like i was about to lose my balance and REALLY didn’t want to end up falling into the tank.

^ myrtle, throwing a tantrum because she was unsuccessful at peer pressuring me into violating the endangered species act

mentally i’m a slut physically i’m scared of intimacy 

Life must be rough for you

life is rough for everyone kimberly

did you think they forgot to teach her about plagiarism at the miami school of law?

I MESSAGED HER ON INSTAGRAM AND SHE BLOCKED ME LMFAOOOO

stop lmfaoo

Wow! Look at all those sticks! That’s exactly what I need for my nest and they’re all perfectly sized omg. How lucky they just fell on that big log like that! Just gonna grab these bad boys for the nest and hop on ov-

Huh, weird! I wonder where that first bird went. WOW, look at all these sticks and they're all perfectly sized! How lucky I am that the first bird missed them all! Just gonna pop over here and grab these for my nest and then g-

Hmmn. I was pretty sure that there was another bird, but maybe it flew off after that weird splash! WOW! Look at all these sticks and they're all perfectly sized! How glad I am that something startled them, leaving these perfect sticks for me! Just gonna go nab some of those for my nest and the-

i don’t make the rules, my brain does and unfortunately that bitch is chemically imbalanced

so embarrassing when i forget im checking someone's blog and i start scrolling through and liking and reblogging shit as if it's just my dash. it feels like wandering into someone else's apartment and not noticing and making myself lunch

reblog if i can wander into your apartment (blog) and make myself lunch (like and reblog as if it's my dash)

i have made too many of these stupid fucking images

ⓘ A sewing machine is a device that provides a several-fold increase of the speed at which you can make mistakes

For a minute there, I lost myself.

Legally Blonde (2001) dir. Robert Luketic

nobody better be posting about the met gala without mentioning the giant pro-palestine demonstration going on outside

you there. high quality production youtube channel with a team of people. why are your captions autogenerated.

Off-White Spring 2023 Ready-to-Wear Photo by Alessandro Viero