gryffindor’s mom: are you still drinking?
gryffindor: *aghast hand over heart* why would you think that of course not
gryffindor: *back in room throwing back shots of whiskey dancing to year 3000 by the jonas brothers*
gryffindor: ✌🏻🥃 oops
Corona Virus Quarantine Day 4:
Slytherin: Im excited for all the day drinking I’m going to get to do.
Slytherin’s Mom: I’d prefer if you called it day time internal sterilization in this day and age. 
Thank you!
Shout out to all our followers, thanks for thinking we are funny. Cause we think so too.
Love ♥️💚,
Gryff & Sly
Slytherin & Gryffindor: *pours two fireball shooters into both thier hot cocos*
Slytherin: Is this whats it means to be an adult?
Gryffindor: Yes. Yes it does.
Gryffindor: *whispering* it’s really quite in here
Slytherin: *whispering* we’re in a library dumb ass
JFC
Slytherin: *points at cows* look at all the snacks
Gryffindor: such delicious snacks
Slytherin: look they are on a hill
Gryffindor: oh hill no
True Support
Slytherin: *choking on popcorn*
Gryffindor: Omg are you dying??? Do you need water?! HERE DRINK YOUR WINE!!!
Gryffindor’s mom:
Gryffindor: *bored at work and taking the opportunity*
Gryffindor: Tell me I’m wrong, I dare you.
Slytherin Cross-Stitching
Slytherin: that’s not the right hole!!
Slytherin and Gryffindor: *whisper* that’s what she said
While Pokemoning
Slytherin: I’m always on the left I don’t know why
Gryffindor: Cause you’re never right
Slytherin: I’ll cut you
Definition of the Week:
Road Coco
noun- hot coco with your choice of alcohol togo.
1) No Pokémon adventure is complete without road coco.
2) During December take a road coco togo and be festive AF on the go.
Shit Slytherin’s Say During The Holidays
*sees sign that says “powered by Jesus.”
Slytherin: *yells* SO IS MY DICK!
Slytherin: *bitches about a bitch*
Slytherin: She’s coming to your office now
Gryffindor: Ew she’s here now
Slytherin: Ewwwww
Gryffindor: She’s really fucking annoying
Slytherin: Isn’t she? She’s like nails on a chalkboard.
25 Days of Shit Slytherins Say (Season 2): #17
Slytherin Everyday: Slay
Slytherin in December: Sleigh
Slytherin: I feel like we should get our drinking under control. *looks at shot and cider chaser*
Gryffindor: But there isn’t that much in the bottle, we might as well finish it.
Gryff & Slyth: *takes shot and hits cider*
Ravenclaw: *arrives at party*
Slytherin: *waiting in front of door*
Slytherin: *holds out shot* Shot and you shall pass.
Ravenclaw: *takes shot*
Gryffindor & GryffinGuests: *already drunk/stoned*
S: wait aren’t we watching Rick and Morty
G: uh DUH
S: okay problem, I might have taken all the batteries out of my remote an-
G: *interrupting S* Did you put them in your vibrators?
S: *laughing dying silently*
G: Bitch, this is why you get the ones that plug into the wall