Random Stuff

guy sitting in front of me in class was vandalizing wikipedia and i kept reverting his edits as soon as he made them and he couldn't figure out why it was happening

absolutely

Black Bittern (Ixobrychus flavicollis), family Ardeidae, order Pelicaniformes, Jurong Lake Gardens, Singapore

photograph by Pher Thuan Chong

I want my friends and followers to be aware of this little guy

when I was around twelve I used to sit at the family computer and send hatemail to a white french dude named Jacques who was a self proclaimed communist on Tumblr. This was back in the day when you didn't need a blog to send anon hate. I had no real beef with him but I just didn't like his tone. used to send him "SHUT UP Jacques" periodically. and he'd answer every single one of my asks like "who is this?? show your face or I'll fucking kill you" and I'd be like "now now, that doesn't make sense, jacques" all haughty and he'd get so fucking mad at me. One time he posted a selfie and I sent him an ask claiming I was a psychologist and that his hair parting suggested that he wasn't a communist at all. and he took it deliriously serious and went off on a 2,000 word rant. I can remember going to stay at my grandparents over that weekend, so I didn't even respond to the rant until I came back. I could've chosen to end it there, but when I returned, I sent him another ask which was like "psychologist here again: if you were a communist your hair parting would be in the middle. evenly distributed. All behavioural signs point to someone who doesn't take their own values seriously." and he went ballistic. really swearing at me. all caps type beat. he never turned the asks off, btw. which always made me wonder if he didn't know how to, or if he didn't want to cause he was convinced he was fighting a war, and this action would ensure he lost it. anyway this went on for weeks until one day I completely forgot about him like he was some kind of childhood imaginary friend I'd conjured up in my loneliness. but yesterday I happened to recall the whole scenario, because my buddy was like "remember when you were twelve and I came over to your house, and you showed me on the computer how you'd been terrorizing this random French guy for days on end. And you were laughing like fucking crazy. and I said it wasn't funny because he probably had problems, and you were like 'oh.' and you looked a bit guilty for a second, but then you went and got a grapefruit from the kitchen and threw it out of the second story window at my kid brother, who was playing in the street, and then you started laughing again?" Well. when she put it like that, needless to say I felt bad. so Jacques if you're out there I'm sorry I was such a little shit. you had totally normal hair, and you only wanted people to share stuff. If it's any consolation I know every day of my life that I'm probably going to hell for the sick things I have done

oopsie! You got a bit too manic about a creative project too close to bedtime and now your brain is too awake to sleep. One million dead 10 morbillion injured

Also you haven't actually worked on the project, to be clear

imagine having a hole in a pipe so you call a plumber and he walks up and plugs it up with his penis and his body solidifies into metal

imagine having a leak in your roof so you call a repairman and he climbs up and plugs it up with his penis and his body solidifies into stucco

Autism and masking are so funny because like internally I despise when plans change or food feels funny in my mouth or there's a tag in my shirt or I talk to too many people in one day or I have to make a phone call, etc so I always feel like a nervous wreck at any point in the day, but on the outside I'm just 😎😊😃 just vibing and I seem so chill and adaptable and emotionally put together, so it's hard to differentiate like am I GENUINELY okay with this or am I masking

I think a lot of being an autistic kid unaware that you are autistic is saying “I’m really stressed right now” and getting the response “you don’t SEEM stressed”. Like u have no idea how good I am at pretending not to feel like this

My dad is the kind of guy who just takes care of the whole neighborhood because they are, mostly, retirees he’s known a good chunk of his life if not his whole life. Snowblows after storms, brings their trashcans in, keeps an eye on their houses, does handyman jobs, etc.. HOWEVER. A young couple moved in next to my dad about a year ago, and they’ve got a little near-toddler, and my dad is just flabbergasted by them, and it is hilarious.

After the last storm he went out and cleared their driveway and sidewalks and in return they baked him a loaf of raspberry banana bread, and with it they included a stickynote with allergy information. To which my dad called me and said, in the most baffled voice, “Katy, I drink creek water, what the fuck do I need allergy information for?”

I’m sorry the neighbors don’t know you’re half feral, sir. Just enjoy your bread.

(He did happily take the bread and said it’s the best bread he’s ever had.)

This is probably the most inclusive post ever made on Tumblr

“What country is this about?”

“Yes.”

"Somebody needs to do something about Sephora 10-year-olds...these i-pad babies are so rude and don't do what they're told....oh my God, these kids can't read and have no social skills...Ugh, look at these little consumers and their Stanley Cups."

I am, in fact, actively worried for these children and I refuse to hate them for the ways that society, as a whole, has failed them.

Honestly in my experience the problem is that capitalism pushes parents away from kids and kids away from parents. Kids spend a lot more time away from their families than they ever did before and it upsets them. As someone that works with kids they cannot wait to get home, they cannot wait to see their parents. They're pushed into extra curricular activities that they don't care about as a form of daycare, and they don't want to be there because they already had to be at school for hours and hours.

The kids that like that extra curricular don't actually get to enjoy it because instructors and program facilitators are spending their time trying to regulate and manage kids that aren't in the program. We need to stop pushing kids from point a to point b to point c all of which they hate. then they get home and the only thing they can is go online.

And there's no kids game sites anymore so they go on Instagram and tiktok and YouTube where people are always trying to sell them something but maybe they'll see something funny that they like.

I'm just going by what kids have told me but they just seem like they're very tired and have no free time, or time to spend with family at home, and instead of their needs being met and addressed at school or throughout the day we try to distract them with simple rewards and treats like iPad time and toys instead of trying to solve their problems.

the human brain literally needs the color green (grass, leafs) to like self-calibrate and not go insane i sincerely believe this

You're fresh out of college and looking for a job. Everyone is hiring. Nobody who's "hiring" is actually hiring. You finally get a call back from somewhere you barely remember applying to (though the voice on the other end sounds synthesized). You pull up the job listing again real quick. The company name and the fact that the listing is for "Minion" are kind of concerning, but you know what, you've interviewed with enough evil corporations by now, you can handle one wearing its true colors on its sleeve. At this point it's a matter of making rent or moving back in with your parents, and as much as you love your family, you can't imagine spending another summer dealing with your brothers' antics. You agree to the interview.

The man who greets you is an enthusiastic older German(?) man who's either way too into cosplay or just that committed to the bit, judging by the lab coat. He made cookies. The tray of cookies is proffered to you by a ten-foot-tall robotic caricature of a 50s businessman. You take a deep breath to calm yourself. You bite into one of the cookies. It's delicious.

You ask the boss about his business model. "Oh you know, a little of this, a little of that, I bounce from project to project a lot." He mentions that his end goal is becoming the undisputed ruler of the surrounding counties. "Really? Not the whole world?" you ask. "I like to set realistic goals," he replies.

As he gives you the tour of his "evil lair," ingrained instincts are screaming at you to report this guy to some kind of authority figure. You remember the salary. You decide that you can always bust him after getting your first paycheck.

The boss asks when you can start. Caught off guard, you say "tomorrow?". Your boss(?) says he'll see you then.

On the way out, you bump into your stepbrother's girlfriend. Your boss introduces her as his daughter. You both silently agree to sidestep the subject for now and act like this is your first time meeting.

You show up to your first day of work. Your boss is putting the finishing touches on a giant machine that was definitely not there yesterday. You are nonplussed. You ask him what it's for and he launches into a convoluted explanation involving his parents always forcing him to put his shirts on backwards so the tag was in front. You think he should probably talk to a therapist.

Your brothers' exotic pet breaks down the wall. You stare at him. He stares at you. Incredulously, you say his name. "Oh, good, you two already know each other!" your boss says. You mention that you used to live with him. "What? Perry the Platypus, you never mentioned having a roommate."

This is what I like to imagine Candace Flynn's life is like, post P&F.

Universal reaction to this post.

figured out it was doof by the time we got to the giant robot, FULLY thought it was phineas until OP said "candace"

That is the best thing I’ve seen today

Tags by @spiritboardvalentine:

#a few months ago i witnessed a huge ass raven violently yank a fast food bag out of an over stuffed trash can, then started munching fries

#then noticed the sweet and sour sauce that was half opened. Dipped the fry and ate it. looked like it had a religious experience.

#according to Google birds can taste sweet and sour so that raven just unlocked a whole new world of taste i think about this at least weekly

#also the raven was trying to scare off every other bird in the area the whole time, their fucking fries

#we were on a roadtrip for somewhat urgent reasons but my dad and I just sat in the van watching this happen for multiple minutes dumbfounded

#that’s been my bird story of the day

been too immersed in the research sauce of non-plant-related topics to post much but I HAVE been getting messages asking if I saw the newest reports of lichens in space and I am SO pleased to tell you all that various lichens have been going into the vacuum of space and surviving since like 2006. so not only did they go up there once recently and survive, but you can read about them going to space multiple times through the 2000s and 2010s for as long as a year at a time and consistently coming back down and being like ‘ohhh lmaoo that winter was chilly!! haha’. haven’t read the newest lichen lore drop in question yet but they DO do that like they’re just built different theres simply no other way to say it

more stuff about becoming a god being inherently dehumanizing pls

too much focus on Ascension or becoming Greater not enough focus on what is Lost of you

you're not a person anymore, just a personification. you're a concept, an abstraction. all neatly defined boundaries and borders, none of the vagueries or blurring of lines or grey areas that come from being mortal.

you can never change, now. never grow or evolve, you are this, forever, stagnant. and the thing you've been made to embody might not even be your best trait.

@fanfiction-artist-prototype thought you might like this<3

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