kaiidth

Sometimes you gotta pick a cat up just to set them back down somewhere nearby. Remind them who calls the shots in your house. Oh you thought you were lying on the floor? Dead wrong fool you're standing on the couch cushion now staring up at me waiting for an explanation. You'll never get it. I'm gone. I'm walking away. I'm already in the next room before you can so much as mutter a confused "meow." later son. you're reexamining your place in the universe all by yourself. Consider my power in a empty living room

this is kind of changing my life as we speak

have i ever shown u people my hand sofa

my prized possession is this loveseat I bought from a divorced dad who couldn’t tell me anything about it and in the years i’ve owned it i’ve never been able to find out who made it or where it came from. it’s got nails and finger creases and palm lines but they’re all kinda hard to see in this pic.

I’m in the woods placing cardboard cutouts of morels in the leaf litter to trick and bamboozle people

I’m about to ruin someone’s whole life

Scamp

tee hee hee hee hee

gnome ass prank

I hate the “open floor plan” that everyone is obsessed with in houses now. I want nooks and crannies and bizarre floor plans. I don’t need to be able to see what someone is doing on the other side of the house. I want places to hide and lurk and dwell in the shadows. I am the beast who awaits in the labyrinth

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one time a guy i know whose girlfriend was heavily pregnant didn’t tweet anything for a whole day so i texted him ‘congrats on your baby’ and made him think i had some kind of baby precognition 

like six months after that just after halloween i asked to see his son dressed as a ‘fat baby pumpkin’ and he was like ‘who told you’ and i said ‘no one. it’s halloween. you have a fat baby. he’s going to be a pumpkin’ 

bbc sherlock wants what i have

Everyone on 4/13, crawling out of their secret homestuck bunkers,

I say "oh don't worry he doesn't bite" and you're confused because you don't see any dog but then you notice a single inchworm moving purposefully across the floor towards you at an alarming pace

i miss vhs tapes and cds i miss feeding my computers and tvs yummy treats. now theyre eating nothing. theyre being born without mouths

disturbed by how little ppl acknowledge the secondary health risks of vampire bites. if your vampire lover is drinking your blood you MUST be up to date on your tetanus shot. puncture wounds are at especially high risk for tetanus infections. just because your partner was born in 1312 doesn’t mean you have to die like it.

moreover they should be prepping the bite point with an alcohol wipe.

and while I’m at it, I’ve noticed a blithe disregard for health & safety when it comes to blood pacts. can’t believe I have to say this but you should absolutely NOT be cutting your palm open with the pocket knife from your belt holster (??????)

if you’re expecting to be in a blood pact/oath situation please just pick up some sterile finger lancets from the pharmacy. cannot stress this all enough.

honestly advertising is so fukcing wasteful not even just in the convincing you to buy shit you never actually wanted but like

how much electricity is wasted displaying ads that could've gone to keeping houses warm. How much paper is produced just to be turned into pamphlets and ads that will just be thrown away. how much internet bandwith is wasted just on the amount of ads that are on the internet nowadays. How many hours worth of labor went into producing ads that are going directly into my adblocker or my waste bin that could've been time spent doing literally ANYTHING useful?

you cannot advertise to me in a way that matters.