full of savagery and confidence

the scariest thing in the world is probably whatever's going on in the tiny gap between my kitchen counters and the oven

Anyone with a vag knows what I'm talking about but I fucking love when you wake them up and they look so tired and out of it and they just look weird its so fucking funny

WereRalph, what was it supposed to be?????

CAT!! IT CHANGED TO VAG AND AGAIN JUST NOW

oh well, you know... *gesturing incoherently* as above, so below.

top tip for gms: if you dont want your players coming up with some stupid fuck name for their party just have an npc call them a collective nickname like youre gently offering food to a scared stray dog from a distance where it feels safe enough to not bolt on sight

i had my players face off against a group with a cool name, to set a role model, and you know what they did? killed them, stole their exact name, and tacked on "#2" at the end. there's no winning. i can't win.

>the goblin leaps to attack!

>the goblin misses!

>the goblin has scraped his little knee!

>oh, his little knee!

>oh, his little knee!

there's something so compelling to me about the fact that sometimes leaving a blade or bullet inside the wound it made is the only way to prevent you from bleeding to death. something about the ironic symbolism of it. when the thing designed and intended to kill you is the only thing keeping you alive.

also yes i do enjoy a bit of penetration imagery and the perverse intimacy of violence. if you must know.

everyone get unemployed. i will provide for us.

I love how safe everyone in the comments feels about being entirely dependant on a potentially psychopathic benefactor 😁

im nice…..

He’s literally nice

My friend sometimes brings her six-year-old to our DnD sessions and my husband (the DM) lets her roll for all enemy attacks and sometimes he will show her a few figures and let her secretly pick what creature we meet next. Who needs encounter tables when you have a first-grader around

She cheers when the monster is winning.

DM: *places an ugly, slavering, repugnant, spine-tingling creature on the battle map*

Child who can barely see over the table: ᵗʰᵃᵗ’ˢ ᵐᵉ :)

phrasing of this is taking me out

Harder to crucify a being with eight legs

#spider Jesus died on the asterisk for our sins

you can’t just leave this in the tags

It’s always “oh god it’s an abomination” and “kill the beast!” and never did you have fun turning into a monstrosity? Was it sexy to break free from the last vestiges of your humanity and turned red-clawed and bloody upon the helpless m—

The two most romantic lines in cinema history are "As you wish" from the Princess Bride and "I can fix that" from Holes.

the cashier at barnes & noble just gave me this duck at checkout and they said “i give these to children and people with a certain vibe.”

floored to know something about me aligns with this duck

somewhat horny: i have to get Fucked!

quite a bit horny: can we pretend i’m an elven prince and the necromancer’s curse turns me into a demon on the full moon and the only way to cure me is to have my Womb filled by a chivalrous knight . and can you make sure you say soem shit like ‘forsooth’ and ‘by my honor’ and stuff. mngh

hornier than anyone has ever been: i need to kiss someone and get married

waters so amazing because you can drink it really sloppy style and like spill it all over yourself and it doesnt even leave a stain. you dont even have to wash it out/ . because its already washed

yet another massive w for water, the greatest fluid in the universe