Follow your dream

It’s 2:00am and I have finally finished the shawl that I have been working on to wear to Easter breakfast. Which is at 10:00am.

That’s cool. I just thought this was a table wearing underwear.

You come home and your girlfriend aint there, but the table looks at you like this

What would you do?

Bout to turn this table into one night stand

..yeah, okay. *Reblogs*

playing with ocs is either

or 

Art by Andreas Rocha

i hate applying for jobs because the employers are always like: do you enjoy working in a stressful environment???? do you strive for unobtainable standards of perfection???? are you good at dealing with people that make you feel extremely uncomfortable??? do you mind losing real hours of your life in order to make minimum wage?? are you a fan of capitalism??? do you love selling your soul just so you can afford to live???

Let me be your:

7am morning fuck before you go to work

Midday text, letting you know that you’re on my mind

5pm cuddle after a long days work

11pm rough fuck as i pound away the frustrations of your day

2am soft whisper in your ear, as i tell you “i love you”

bro why the fuck am i only getting 5 hours of sleep

strong stoic man with sad past: *adopts child*

me every single time:

OP, when the wrath of God descends upon you, remember that it was you who chose to use your powers for evil.

this is like scrooge seeing his own grave in a christmas carol

Ride like a Pirate

Steven Let’s play a fun game about adventure and mortal peril! What could possibly go wrong? Universe is playing a Warlock who thinks he’s a Sorcerer. 

Why not Bard? you ask

Well…

There was another contender for the position.

This is the way you’re supposed to do pranks!

I try SO hard not to make faces when I hear someone around me say wild shit but I just can’t stop myself

Choose your fighter