//Having fun being sick right now. My voice is almost completely gone which is great and sleeping has been tough. Incidentally I ran out of one of my meds, so I’ve been having panic attacks too, which is also pretty fun.

//That feel when the champion select glitches out and you end up playing a champ you’ve never played before and have no idea how to use.

//It’s part of Teemo’s whole thing, (I mean just the ‘global taunt’ is proof enough) but even though I rp and do art of the little bastard, seeing his stupid little face makes me angry. I enjoy writing him, but good lord is he such a bitch. That’s probably why I enjoy writing him so much.

Jr. Scout Adventure

Part 1

Teemo had been around for a while, and had seen a lot of changes made to Bandle over the course of his life. Changes were made to the Scouts too. There were kids now, for one.

He deeply disapproved of the Jr Scouts program, not because it was a military program aimed at children, or because it could very easily lead to said children getting hurt, but because it meant Teemo would have to deal with children.

Regular grown up people were unpleasant enough, but children were irrational, unpredictable, and generally disgusting.

It was a nice day in Bandle City, with weather that was warm but also breezy and a robin’s egg blue sky with fat white clouds scooting heartily across it above. Teemo smiled warmly at the group of three Jr Scouts that were lined up in front of him, all looking up at him with such obvious hero worship it made him want to burst out laughing. Kids were stupid, but at least they were easy to manipulate.

“I’m told you did well on your last assignment, Jr Scouts,” he told them seriously and the three of them looked like they might explode with pride.

“We always do our very best, sir!” declared the leader of the Jr Scout patrol, the girl with the glasses. Teemo didn’t sigh, but the enthusiasm made him tired.

“That is the Scout way,” he said instead, nodding, “but your success means you need a new assignment.”

The three young yordles looked up at him with huge eyes and Glasses even started bouncing on her heels. Teemo smiled at them again instead of sighing or rolling his eyes. The task he was going to give them was menial at best, but they were children, so that described pretty much all the tasks they were given.

Teemo produced a sheet of paper, ostensibly a page from his journal, although in actuality it was a copy he had made for this. He wasn’t in the habit of ripping pages out of his journal. On it was a list of plants and other ingredients needed to make a sleep concoction that he sometimes used in darts when he had been ordered to go non-lethal, as well as the longitude and latitude of where to find them in the forest that surrounded Bandle. Technically he grew all of them in his greenhouse and didn’t need anyone to go get them for him, but the kids needed something to do.

He handed Glasses the list and explained their task. “Find me all these ingredients. Use your map and compass to reach each location and your field guides to identify each ingredient correctly, do not eat any of these plants, they’ll make you sick if you do.” Better safe than sorry, he figured. None of the plants were lethally toxic, but they could cause vomiting and such and Teemo wasn’t keen on getting yelled at because he didn’t warn them.

“We’ll get them all, Captain! You can count on us!” cried Glasses, and the other two yordlelings agreed fiercely.

“Good, I’ll count on you to do it then,” Teemo gave them all a stern look, “Remember to watch out for traps and other hazards. No landscape is without danger, remember that.”

“Yes sir!” The three cried in unison.

“Good,” Teemo replied with a nod, “Then off you go, you have three days.”

The kids didn’t need telling twice and with a chorus of ‘yes sir’ they saluted and then ran off.

Teemo sighed just a little and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“What’s this?” said Tristana who had been not so inconspicuously listening in from where she sat on a crate nearby cleaning her weapon, “The great Captain Teemo, tired out by a couple kids?”

Teemo gave her a wan smile, “They’re rambunctious,” he told her and she laughed.

“They love you, T,” Tristana replied with a huge amused grin, “Just keep smiling at them and say ‘good job’ now and then and they’ll worship the ground you walk on. No worries.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Teemo told her dryly. She clicked her tongue and gave him a pair of finger guns before getting back to her Boomer Cannon.

Teemo left to go do some actual work and put the kids out of his mind.

Two days later their parents reported that the three Jr Scouts hadn’t come home.

//Did a doodle of good ol’ evil space cat doing some work in his evil space workshop for @veigarthevile

//My salty attitude aside, I think how I’m going to play this with the little baby scouts we’ve been seeing is for it to be something like a jrotc program. The Scouts themselves are a military organization, but they have like a Jr Scouts thing that teaches kids all the skills and rules and stuff like that, that can then fast track into actually being in the Scouts when they’re old enough.

So this is the official announcement that this blog is up and running again! The inbox is open and I invite everybody to swing by and say hello!

//Something I’ll be keeping even while I’m retconning most of my Teemo’s backstory is the brand scars on his back. Originally it was there because he was part of a gang in his youth, but I think now it’s going to be from a time when he was captured by an enemy force. The ‘Don’t Mess With Yordles’ video implies there’s a market for yordles somewhere, which makes me think of slavers.

What better to do with an uncooperative (because I’m sure we all know Teemo wouldn’t have been anything but totally uncooperative) prisoner than trade them to slavers for some cold hard cash?

Teemo will have escaped and killed them all, possibly freeing the other prisoners/slaves, but the brand remains and now he wears a shirt.

//I think if Teemo ever had to deal with Veigar (without being assigned to take him out that is) I think he’d play the situation out carefully in his head first and then arrange things so that it would be a matter of mutually assured destruction. He’d set the situation up so that if Veigar kills him he either dies too, or he loses everything he has ever cared about, possibly both. That’s just how Teemo is. He’s so friendly and cute that people forget he’s also cunning.

@veigarthevile

//Ok so I’m trying to catch up with leagues lore after having been away for a couple years and I just watched the Beyond the Bandlewood trailer (along with some other stuff) and just, why do you do this Riot? Like yeah it’s super cute and I love the animation and such, but from what I can tell Rito isn’t sure what they want the Scouts to be. In Teemo’s lore it’s stated to be a military group that has combat training and deals with intruders, scouts other realms, and “protects Bandle City” but apparently they are also like the boy scouts or something and have literal actual children on the roster?

I think I’ll be interpreting this in the worst possible way out of pure spite. Bandle has child soldiers. You made me do this Riot, I hope you’re happy.

New Headcanons for Teemo

Teemo was a calm and watchful child, with a great deal of friends and a passion for the outdoors in general and plants in particular. He had a knack for saying just the right thing to get what he wanted, however sometimes he didn’t react to things he reasonably should have, such as a pet dying or a friend getting hurt while playing. He easily charmed most adults and other children, but there were times when he got into fights and showed an uncharacteristically brutal side of his personality. These fights were never finished until either he or the other child were too hurt to stand, Teemo simply would not stop until his opponent was fully incapacitated or until he was no longer capable of fighting himself.

Largely his childhood was normal and as an adult Teemo is still in contact with his parents, occasionally having lunch with them when not on duty.

He joined the Scouts as soon as he could and quickly proved himself capable, making friends easily as always, however he took every opportunity to work alone, sometimes taking on missions that kept him away for so long that his friends worried about the psychological effects of such long periods of isolation. Oddly he never seemed to be affected by the solitude the way other yordles sent on similar missions were. Despite having so many friends, nobody would be able to answer specific questions about Teemo’s life outside work or how he feels about things with any sort of certainty.

He is a careful planner, thinking over his options before taking the leap, although when there’s no time to plan he relies on his finely honed instincts. 

Despite how put together and charismatic he appears on the outside, Teemo has always been aware that something is deeply wrong with him. He has moments where his head is so noisy that he can’t hear himself think; he couldn’t care less what happens to others, even those he is ostensibly very close to; he is capable of doing and has done extremely cruel and heartless acts while in the line of duty, none of which he ever loses any sleep over. 

Teemo’s only real loyalties are to himself and he sees everyone and everything else as a means to give him what he wants.