The year is 2022. You’re driving home from work, wifey calls & asks you to get some diapers for the baby. You grab roses for her. Life’s good. She’s crying in the closet you forgot the diapers what’s she gonna do with roses idiot there’s shit everywhere this is why your parents never loved y

The year is 1351. You’re driving your ship home from work, wifey calls and sends you to the local store to get some rags as diapers for the baby. You grab a bouquet of flowers for her too. Life’s good. You both die from the plague

The year is 2020. You’re driving home in your tractor after voting for Trump, the man of your people. Your sister calls and asks you to get some diapers for the baby you bought from the Walmart parking lot last week. You steal roses for her on your way out. Life’s good

The year is 2068. You’re staring at the most beautiful stranger. She explains to you that she’s your wife. You have dimentia. You smile and take her hand as your grandchildren jump around the room. You’ve lived a good life. Suddenly you’re staring at the most beautiful stranger

Anyway I’m back on my bullshit

The year is 2019. Your fiancé just got you roses in your big house with 3 cars and 5 dogs. You did all this to tweet it with “We’re only 19, what are you doing with your life?” You got 5 retweets. He’s been buying roses instead of food for weeks. You can’t cook. You haven’t eaten in 3 days

The year is 2018. You’re scrolling through Tumblr and you see a post by none other than thebootydiaries. “Goals”, you think to yourself. Yes, this was it. What you’ve been waiting for. Your entire life has led up to this. Your fingers shake as you type your comment. “Goals.” You hit reblog as you’re trembling, the chair squeaking ever so slightly. “I can’t wait to forget diapers, and have dementia.” You sigh. “And buy a house, dogs, and cars. And…and…” goosebumps race through your entire body. “And get the plague.”

BEKKATHYST END OF SUMMER 2021 GIVEAWAY

~This giveaway is in no way affiliated with Tumblr.~

Please read thoroughly before entering!

Hello lovely Tumblr folk! It’s that time again- I have a giveaway for you all. I thought I'd have a little end-of-summer celebration 💜

We have both an online store and a physical location that could use your support!

My business is a small, family run establishment that I started here on tumblr in 2013. I’ve been lucky enough to grow to the point where my husband and I opened a brick and mortar store and I’ve been able to employ my mother and several of my siblings! I’ve been supporting my mom and younger siblings since 2016 💜 I’ve always put compassion and ethics above all else in my business!

This giveaway will have two winners.

What the first winner receives:

What the second winner receives:

Rules:

Please respect me and my rules, and have fun!

Why is this the funniest thing I’ve ever seen

can’t remember if i’ve reblogged this before but i stumbled across it again at 9pm and am sitting here cryIN G, SO

How the fuck did the entire internet’s sense of humor make one hell of a 180 in 7 years?

The Triwizard Tournament x The Great British Bake Off

I have… many questions…

This is the funniest shit oh my god

there’s just some fics... they never leave u bro. i’ll be sitting on the toilet four years later thinking about the 94k enemies to lovers fic that captured my soul

The year is 2022. You’re driving home from work, wifey calls & asks you to get some diapers for the baby. You grab roses for her. Life’s good. She’s crying in the closet you forgot the diapers what’s she gonna do with roses idiot there’s shit everywhere this is why your parents never loved y

The year is 1351. You’re driving your ship home from work, wifey calls and sends you to the local store to get some rags as diapers for the baby. You grab a bouquet of flowers for her too. Life’s good. You both die from the plague

The year is 2020. You’re driving home in your tractor after voting for Trump, the man of your people. Your sister calls and asks you to get some diapers for the baby you bought from the Walmart parking lot last week. You steal roses for her on your way out. Life’s good

The year is 2068. You’re staring at the most beautiful stranger. She explains to you that she’s your wife. You have dimentia. You smile and take her hand as your grandchildren jump around the room. You’ve lived a good life. Suddenly you’re staring at the most beautiful stranger

Anyway I’m back on my bullshit

The year is 2019. Your fiancé just got you roses in your big house with 3 cars and 5 dogs. You did all this to tweet it with “We’re only 19, what are you doing with your life?” You got 5 retweets. He’s been buying roses instead of food for weeks. You can’t cook. You haven’t eaten in 3 days

The year is 2018. You’re scrolling through Tumblr and you see a post by none other than thebootydiaries. “Goals”, you think to yourself. Yes, this was it. What you’ve been waiting for. Your entire life has led up to this. Your fingers shake as you type your comment. “Goals.” You hit reblog as you’re trembling, the chair squeaking ever so slightly. “I can’t wait to forget diapers, and have dementia.” You sigh. “And buy a house, dogs, and cars. And…and…” goosebumps race through your entire body. “And get the plague.”

me: *lying face down in mud in the middle of the scottish highlands*

friend: what are you doing?

me: *muffled because of the dirt* I’m having me time

...wha

You gotta entertain the crowd somehow during rain delays.

I think we all need this, especially in the biggest rain delay in baseball history.

when you are just hanging out

strange bog girl makes a friend

This cleared up my skin and kissed my forehead while tucking me into bed

Same energy

The amount of privilege in this photo has embarrassed me to the point that I simply do not want to be a human being anymore.

Oh my fucking God learn to cut your own hair you entitled pricks.

“massage is essential” Not during a fucking pandemic, Karen.

This seems like a good time to share this.

“Let us get our teeth cleaned” what are you, a horse? You’ve got a toothbrush at home yeah? Please?

Note that not a one of these people has a sign that says “LET ME CUT SOMEONE’S HAIR” or “I NEED TO RENT OUT GOLF CARTS” or “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ALL I WANT TO DO IS SCOOP ICE CREAM FOR PEOPLE.”

None of these people are demanding *their own* right to work. That’s telling.

As a Massage Therapist who’s been out of work since March 16th.

ME AND MY CAREER ARE ABSOLUTELY NOT ESSENTIAL! No I will not risk my or my family’s health to spend an hour plus touching people duribg a freaking pandemic! No. I won’t make house calls while my clinic is closed. No I won’t endanger you, me, or my license.

Kid 1: Hey what are you doing?

Kid 2: *tosses a bike in the river* I dunno I’m just fuckin tossing bikes in the river bro

I really believed the caption was a snarky parody of what was said and not literally the actual dialogue