@snowball-n-mittens / snowball-n-mittens.tumblr.com
One day that tiny baby will be a big shark able to rip people to shreds
most blacktip reef sharks are no more than 5.5ft long when mature. not only that, blacktip reef sharks are timid and shy, with no fatal human attacks documented. don’t comment stuff like this on my posts, save it for another post and stay off mine. thanks
gentlesharks has hAD IT
My bros I have been doing a lot of reading about Wacky WWII Hijinks lately and I want to tell you a story because I love it okay
once upon a time there was a dude in Spain named Juan Pujol Garcia. Pujol was a chicken farmer. Pujol hated him some goddamn fascists.
See Spain had recently ended its civil war, with the fascists taking power. So when WWII broke out in Europe, Spain technically remained neutral but in practice was buddy buddy with the Nazis. Juan Pujol Garcia thought this was pretty bullshit
so soon after war breaks out Pujol travels to his local British embassy and goes “hey I wanna spy on the Nazis for you”
“who the fuck are you?” say the British, and kick him out
but Pujol is not deterred! He still wants to dunk on some fascists, so now he goes to his local German embassy instead. “hey” he says, “I wanna spy on the British for you, I sure do hate them”
“yeah okay” say the Germans “that seems pretty legit”
and just like that Pujol now officially works for the Abwehr, the German intelligence agency. They hand him some spy gear (invisible ink and such) and instruct him to travel to Lisbon, and from there make his way into the UK. So Pujol heads to Lisbon, and a little while later writes to his German handlers telling them he’s made it to England
Pujol had not made it to England. He had, in fact, made it to the Lisbon public library, where he checked out a number of English guide books and set about just wholesale making shit up
this is slightly complicated by the fact that, for example, he completely did not understand British currency and all his expense reports were basically gibberish. He also reported things like bribing Scotsmen, because the people of Glasgow would “do anything for a litre of wine” (an actual quote) because, hey, people in Spain like wine so that’s probably the same right?
Here is where it starts to get really crazy, because the Abwehr loves this. “wow this dude is a great spy” they say, because apparently none of them had ever been the England either. In fact, they are so pumped about this new awesome spy that the British start to get worried
you see, by this time the British had cracked German’s supposedly unbreakable Enigma code and were totally dunking on the Nazis by reading basically all of their ~super top secret~ radio transmissions. And, crucially, they’d become so good at breaking and reading traffic that there were literally no German spies in England. The Germans would set up a spy drop (usually dropping dudes in by parachute in the middle of the night), the British would intercept the message and then just scoop the dudes up as soon as they landed in a move that must have been SUPER embarrassing to the spies
so there are no German spies in the UK because they’re all sitting in a prison run by MI5 (although some are being run under supervision as double agents, feeding Germany bullshit). But suddenly MI5 is picking up all this traffic from the Germans talking about their super great spy- a spy the British do not have in their jail
“oh shit” says MI5, and starts rereading all the transmissions they have to and from this mysterious super spy.
“hey wait” says MI5, upon actually reading the shit the spy was sending. “someone is playing silly buggers, pip pip cheerio”
At this point, Pujol, still in Lisbon, had actually been approaching the British embassy again, repeatedly, but apparently “I am literally an Abwehr agent and would like to offer you my services” wasn’t interesting enough, because he was repeatedly turned away, again. It wasn’t until MI5 started asking around that one of the embassy staff was like “oh yeah we know that guy”
so in 1942 the British finally make contact with Pujol and he officially becomes a spy for MI5. They move him to London and assign him a case officer so he can start making up even better bullshit
and he does. Once actually in London, Pujol reports to the Abwehr that he’d recruited a whole slew of informants- from a bunch of Welsh Aryans to disaffected army officers. He ends up with a network of 20+ sub-spies, all feeding him information from around the UK
none of these people actually exist
Pujol just straight up invented like 20 people, keeping careful track of their fake personalities, names, and activities. With the help of MI5, the information he sends becomes even better- a mix of true but ultimately useless facts and actually important intel timed to arrive in Germany just slightly too late to be of any use. He and his “spy network” become the Abwehr’s most trusted agents
Pujol, now codenamed Agent Garbo (for his acting skills), ends up playing a huge role in the run-up to D-Day, where the Allies mounted a huge intelligence campaign to convince Hitler that the planned site of attack was going to be Calais and not Normandy (this was Operation Fortitude and you should absolutely look it up for more Wacky WWII Adventures). Obviously you know how this ended
crazily enough, the Abwehr never figured out that Pujol was a double agent. After the war he received both the Iron Cross Second Class (which require personal authorization from Hitler), and a Member of the Order of the British Empire (from King George VI)
unable to resist being totally fucking ridiculous, Pujol turned down MI5’s post-war offer to continue spying, but this time against the USSR. “no,” he said “just help me fake my own death and then I’m moving to Venezuela”
and that’s exactly what he did. Juan Garcia Pujol died in 1988, at the age of 76
Okay I’m just editing my reblog to add this picture of Juan Pujol Garcia because I feel that it adds so much to the story to picture him doing ALL THE ABOVE with this expression:
What a legend.
Weaponized foreign shitposting
this is my favorite post in a very, very long time.
HELLO???
i know the thor fandom likes to paint loki as the bitchy fashion sibling because it’s so easy but let’s look at the FACTS here ladies….thor:
1.had a godmode reveal in his first movie that involved him transforming into a cool outfit like an anime magical girl
2. took time to blow-dry his hair on the avengers plane while everyone was fighting each other
3. was and continues to be the first one to call loki out on his clothing & grooming choices (”you dress like a witch” “your helmet looks like a cow” “looks a little less greasy than i remember him” etc)
4. wore that slutty poncho in the dark world for no reason
5. the age of ultron outfit. u know the one. with the blazer…and the ponytail
6. dragged hulk’s interior decor for filth in ragnarok
7. cried while getting a haircut like he was a 18-year-old girl receiving a traumatic makeover on america’s text top model
thor is the fashion sibling..accept the truth
girl pats gigantic raven and fondles its fluffy neck
raven: makes a demonic noise, like the several souls trapped inside him screamed, but in harmonics
girl: yeah! you’re so good.. you’re so good
i would give my life for this bird
Hey y’all, there’s a program working on this!
The Menstruatin’ with Satan program, founded by The Satanic Temple Arizona, is collecting donations of pads, tampons, and other menstrual supplies for incarcerated women, as well as fighting to raise the monthly allotment of products!
If you’re not in AZ, you can help out the Temple by buying them products on their Amazon Wish List, here.
And if you are in Arizona, help ‘em out! There are a bunch of drop-off and volunteer locations.
What a great charity program. And WTF Arizona!
guys i found something revolutionary
it’s like the childhood holy grail you can get these
for 9 cents a piece
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
hey guyz guysz did you ever find yourself lost in the woods and lie. just. wish you brought 144 compasses?
you’ve given me access to the worst kind of power
I found the candy section. Thought I’d save everyone some time by linking it here.
geekysideburns replied to your post: I’m having a hard time no…
Have you gotten to reference layers yet because OMG.
WAT IS THAT
Here’s what I’m trying to say in gif form. I rambled insanely.
The blue layer is set to reference.
Then you can do this.
And this.
Ohhhhhh that is so cool :O :O :O
I still can’t get over how Naruto is literally named after the little pink spiral thingies you get in ramen noodles
the western equivalent would be like naming your kid fucking Crouton
marvel vs dc
the “___ change my mind” guy sitting at a desk is Steven Crowder who is literally a deep conservative “comedian” and the biggest transphobe of 2018 so can we NOT use that meme anymore thanks. he literally calls trans people tr**** in some of his videos and refers to caitlyn jenner (I may not like her but Christ) as a transgender f@scist because she transitioned and refers to her transitioning as “going full #sjw.” this meme is cancelled and not funny. use google if you don’t believe me. bye
yeah actually i did some research (googling. i googled) and this is what the the original image was: (as opposed to what i first saw it as and what other might have, and had assumed that was the real one)
he does stuff like that a lot;
so yeah Yikes.
Shit, I just looked him up as well.
Fucking YIKES, meme cancelled.
FYI. Don’t reblog or make any more memes from this guy. Fucking creep.
ive never seen a meme get canceled full stop, slammed on the breaks
2018 is the year of becoming fractionally more responsible, even if it’s just in regards to the things we promote.
The worst part is SO MANY people I’ve seen using the meme are fairly kind and tolerant folks, who would hate his actual politics and probably have no idea whose face they’re plastering all over their blogs, they just think it’s a harmless meme. Meanwhile, I’ve seen at least one trans person who DEFINITELY knew who it was already begging people not to spread this before this post, because it’s so painful to see a known, hateful transphobe’s face sprinkled all over their dash every time they log in this week. It’s not like most memes, guys - this one can be actively psychologically triggering for many people who’re already marginalized as hell. Please be considerate.
passtime
story time: i taught my little cousin her first longer word when she was very young. i taught her to say “tax benefits”. and to this day my aunt still doesn’t know where she got it from, but it was a hilarious sight to see a little toddler waddling around the house, wearing a big diaper, all the while yelling “TAX BENEFITS!!!!”
My parents did this with me and “nuclear disarmament”.
I taught my little brother to say “micro-surgical vasectomy reversal” (saw it on a billboard) on a road trip, and he didn’t stop saying it for literal years.
My parents taught me to chant “Get your laws off our bodies!” for a pro-choice rally when I was like four and I went to preschool and taught all the other kids the chant and led them on a mini-parade around the playground and the teachers were like ?????????? ?????????? ????????????
whenever my brother threw a tantrum as a baby my parents would chant “live free or die” until he calmed down it was fuckin weird
when i was a kid whenever we got stuck in traffic my dad would say “what the fuck?!?” in a very comic voice and i would repeat it and then he would say it with a slightly different inflection and i would repeat that too and so forth and so basically my poor mother would be stuck in standstill traffic listening to her husband and 4 yr old daughter swearing at each other without end
i’m a preschool teacher and we like to joke around using radical vocabulary with the children, the other day i overheard one kid say ‘this is my truck’ and the other one said ‘no, this truck belongs to the collective’; they all say it now
whenever anyone picks up my daughter or she goes upstairs, she announces “I ASCEND” it’s the best thing
Rin just wanted to get free shipping on some mineral water.
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