With good bullets Wounds are hidden It buried deep Aid forbidden -accordingtofaith Photo from weheartit.com

If you ever leave me...

HI GUYSSS... so, ask me questions... Whether anon or not. I'm going to answer them right away. GAME?

Unrequited The first smile I saw The curves of your jaw I stare at it Like it was a race to beat The fear of wanting you Became the fear of losing you It went on unplanned Should my feelings be banned? My heart is so selfless Personality's so reckless I wanted you to go to That person waiting for you Everything's unplanned But my eyed did land On what I wanted anyway Is to have you here everyday -accordingtofaithx

Waking up in Baguio City early in the morning with a temperature of 11°c is so similar to waking up in a reality that neither the happy nor the sad memory could not be taken back.

A letter for your vulnerability.

               Go look at yourself in the mirror. Look how time and experiences changed you. Look at it physically. Then go close your eyes. Feel everything that has changed within you. 

               Why are you still afraid of insects? Why are you still afraid of the dark? Why are you still afraid of the things you know someday will fade? Why do you still force yourself to not feel blue? Why do you still struggle to fit yourself in? When all you have is everything that has been creating damage all from within. Why do you still cry silently at night while you’re tucked inside your sheets struggling to fight? Why do you still see the person you wouldn’t want to be? While all you wish to become is to be tough enough to never be down. Why can’t you take control?

               You know you could be better and this is just one of life’s struggle to make yourself tougher and be your own future maker. But here you are, writing this letter while crying your weakness out. You know what? You are more than that and you don’t deserve the pain you’re hiding. Stop letting yourself be drowned. 

I told my professor about you. She is the same professor who told me that i am an old soul and a gift of discernment and intuition. :-)

Photo from weheartit.com

A bittersweet trap

-accordingtofaithx

Make up what has been destroyed.

Photo from weheartit.com

“I always thought it’s the “Goodbye” that hurts. Only now that I realized... It’s actually the process of accepting that destroys a person. You’re torn between forgetting or treasuring the memories. The heart doesn’t easily accept. It tore itself few times before it completely forgets. It take few blames to its own before being able to trust again. It needs to burst out before it goes back to its original form. The process is not easy. But don’t worry. The process is your way of training yourself to make yourself stronger than you were before. And one day, you’d be surprise how easy you think it was to overcome the process.”

Speed of life is what I want to feel Acceleration of my own self motivation is what I should have As I enter my ride Please let your shadow out I’ll have my own wheel Without you under my skin   I know I should make it adjust to my way Make you out for me to carry less weight Less destruction as well, I could say Fast forward of life as struggles give way Less pressure my dear Without you controlling over   Make me free Let this be Mystify no more Vision clearer than before Go away Let me Get away   I know we shouldn’t have to end up this way I don’t have anything to say Just let me drive Let me accelerate Let me. Let me.

What I wanted to tell you.

These words I wanted to tell you but ended up doing. These words that closed the book of our untold story. 

               Hi there to those people who know me personally *waves* You’ll no longer be surprise with this. For those who do not. still *waves* and SURPRISE. haha. 

               Let’s get into it. 

               I am someone who is not good at verbalizing what he/she truly feels. I am capable of acting the opposite way of how I am supposed to. Well maybe not opposite. I always have a hard time handling myself with this attitude. *sigh* These are however the words I wanted to tell you and these were what I just did. 

               “I wanted to tell you how lucky I am to have you, but I ended up constantly staring at you or like frown at you for some cases. Is it just me?”

               “I wanted to tell you I love you, but I ended up holding your hand and ask bunch of questions about things because ummm idk, maybe to atleast satisfy my curiosity?”

               “I wanted to tell you I am weak, but I ended up smiling or telling silly jokes or funny stories. This happens most of the time. Whenever I suffer from sadness, what happens is I usually just laugh with you because you know, laughing is my best pill. hehe.”

               “I wanted to tell you I’m sorry, but I ended up talking to you for hours and eating with you. I don’t verbalize apology. Unless when I encode it or idk ha ha.” 

               “I wanted to tell you I need you, but I ended up ignoring your messages or phone calls. I even push you away like tell you to fuck off because I do not need you. That’s totally the most cruel thing I did and honestly so me.”

               Let this be an apology for those words I haven’t told you when I was supposed to. I apologize for not being able to verbalize my emotions towards you which is maybe one of the reasons why we ended up destroying our own story. Take this as well as an advance apology. Trust me, I have no control over this. As much as I wanted to tell you what I really feel, my body just prevents me from doing it but ummm don’t worry cause I am currently working on it. hehe.

               These are the things I wanted to tell you <actually there are bunch of them but I was too lazy and some are too personal> but ended up doing. 

*accordingtofaithx*

BEING YOURSELF

Photo from Weheartit.com

               Being on the Internet brings me to sadness on how I see people in it. As I scroll down on my newsfeed, I get a lot of negative things people say about themselves. People spreading rumors about each other or people defending themselves against rumors. A huge barrier on loving ourselves. I have created three barriers that I think were the reason why we can’t love ourselves or be comfortable about our own skin. These includes: 

               1.) Insecurity

                           -We all have our own Insecurity. Admit it. Let’s be real. We have it inside our heads and it’s not easy carrying it all throughout the day. And, whatever you do. You can’t prevent Insecurity. You tend to inevitably get jealous about what other people have. There’s always gonna be someone prettier, someone cooler or someone smarter. Yep! Someone better. Insecurity tho has two side effects on us. It makes people a) feel bad about ourselves. It downs our self-esteem. But it can also make us b) make ourselves strive to be better than them. 

               2.)  Intimidation

                           -We tend to be frightened about doing what we love because we overthink. Thoughts kill us. Thoughts like, “oh, they are not gonna like it.” or like, we tend to think that we cannot touch people’s expectations on us. 

               3.) Criticism

                           -There’s always gonna be those people who will let us down. Who won’t appreciate the things we do for ourselves. Things we love doing. People will always find their way of making us stop doing what we love to do. 

               We can’t easily teach ourselves not to get involved with those barriers. BUT... we can make ourselves focus on the positives and build ourselves. We all have our own unique feature and it’s beautifully carved somewhere in there. You just have to discover it. Discover who you are, what you love and what makes you happy. You know, just be comfortable about yourself. Accept who you are. Do not let those negative things people say about you bring you down. Let that be the reason for you to stand up and make yourself better. Prove them that those negative things they say are far on being true. Do not be afraid to be yourself because it’s you! Whatever you do, you are you as well as I am me. No one knows you more than you. Stand up! Smile and don’t be afraid to be yourself. Because that’s what makes you happier. Take this dear. Appreciate yourself and people would get to appreciate that too.

-accordingtofaithx