im shriveling up from period pains so forgive me for playing dress-up games and imagining a life i feel this cute
This image was created with Picrew’s “little guy maker“.
@han-solo-cant-dance / han-solo-cant-dance.tumblr.com
im shriveling up from period pains so forgive me for playing dress-up games and imagining a life i feel this cute
This image was created with Picrew’s “little guy maker“.
“magic isnt real” — plants just grow out of the ground. for free. everywhere.
"It doesn't stop being magic just because you know how it works."
-Terry Pratchett
Being raised by areligious jews with 0 exposure to christianity outside pop culture is so fun. One time I asked my ex-catholic friend why a picture of jesus had a bristle crown and she looked at me like I was insane. One time I heard someone mention the "lance of longinus" and responded, word for word, "Like from Evangelion?" One time during a history lesson my professor described an important monk and scholar as "Dominican" and I spent the rest of class super confused and hung up on it because I was very sure that the Dominican Republic didn't meaningfully exist as an entity back then, maybe she meant he was a native Taino or something but that's a weird way to say that and I'm pretty sure this was pre- European contact? Really fucks people up when they realize I genuinely have no idea.
This but it's my partner taking an art history class in college and the professor looking at them like they grew a second head when they answered "What came out of Jesus' wound when he was stabbed on the cross" with "...Blood?"
Additions that prove my point by mystifying me because what on earth would come out of a nail wound besides blood. Are you telling me it was something besides blood. What was jesus full of that wasn't blood. You guys are scaring me
Apparently it was water?? I guess he was also stabbed on top of being crucified (which feels like overkill imo) and water came out, which was a huge deal in medieval symbolism and also to my medieval poetry professor, who was genuinely shocked and upset that I didn’t know. This man fully docked me points because I, a whole ass Jew, hadn’t somehow heard about the secret waterballoon Jesus lore that I guess everyone is supposed to like… intuit
On the plus side, it does lead to some absolutely wild medieval Jesus art of angels tapping him like a fucking keg
I was copyediting a college essay for a friend (not on a religious topic), and at one point he referred to "the church" and I highlighted it, with the note "what church?" He called me in tears of laughter, saying "all people raised by evangelicals should hire Jewish copyeditors to keep them grounded" 😂
So I binged the entirety of How To Build a Sex Room last night and this one scene just cracked me up
The designer's at a western leather/tack store looking for supplies to make a rustic-style sex swing and turns to one of the store employees for advice, which initially goes about as amusingly as you would expect
So then she pulls up some pictures to give him an idea of what she needs
And he's Immediately like
The professional disgust, I'm living
Know what? We all need some pure innocence combined with satisfying accomplishment.
Sorry it’s early but you really can’t use fanfiction terms in a non fanfiction context like if someone is trying to sell me a book to read and they tell me there’s an enemy to lovers I would be annoyed because why are you spoiling the story lol
sorry op this is kind of a tangent but this is why i hate how booktok has not only affected how ppl talk about their fave stories, but how it's basically gnawed its way into how publishing companies promote books. it basically encourages authors to build their entire story entirely around marketable tropes so that they turn more of a profit
"it has enemies to lovers!" "it has friends to lovers!" "this is a slow burn!" WHAT IS THE PLOT??? what makes your story unique?? why should i read it??? describing your story entirely in tropes and fanfiction terms makes your story sound extremely uninteresting lmfao.
Fanfiction is for when you want to read familiar characters in a setting where you already know what's going to happen. I care about this coffee shop au because I already love these characters and just want to see them in fun familiar situations
Books are original content for new stories new characters in new situations. Why should I care if it takes place in a coffee shop? Give me a reason to love these characters!
Your Tumblr username decides your profession. How is your first day at work?
In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine.
I kept it in a terrarium and it became a normal 🐸 despite everything. About a year afterward (I thought) it died, so I sadly put it in a shoebox in the shed until the ground thawed enough for a proper funeral but when that day came I opened the box and the frog was fine.
This is funnier than anything I have ever said.
This post is to Easter what a Geiger counter is to radiation.
I see it’s *looks at smudged writing on hand* Lent again.
this is so cute
Don't get me wrong, I don't give two shits about the English Royal Family, but this PR crisis they're in right now is just wild. Every time you think they're done digging themselves deeper, they haul another bucket of shit up from the bottom of the well they're in.
Is Kate dead? Of course not. Is the PR team still, for some inexplicable reason, acting like they're covering up her murder? Yes! And I for one find that fucking hilarious.
Mossy cathedral
me and the girlies discussing motifs and themes
this would pull me too because i’ve been really into hot salsas lately and i need to talk to someone about it
I don’t rlly like it when people say Kade is your “brother” with quotation marks. He is your BROTHER. No quotation marks. At least for me.