There Are Briefly Frogs On The Way To Hell

The Tortured Poets Department. An anthology of new works that reflect events, opinions and sentiments from a fleeting and fatalistic moment in time - one that was both sensational and sorrowful in equal measure. This period of the author’s life is now over, the chapter closed and boarded up. There is nothing to avenge, no scores to settle once wounds have healed. And upon further reflection, a good number of them turned out to be self-inflicted. This writer is of the firm belief that our tears become holy in the form of ink on a page. Once we have spoken our saddest story, we can be free of it.

And then all that’s left behind is the tortured poetry.

THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT is out now.

https://taylor.lnk.to/thetorturedpoetsdepartment

dude this is random but like. my mom works at a credit union, and a while ago, this totally domestic, collared dog came up to their door and was like.... barking to get in?? it’s a small credit union so they brought the dog inside to keep it safe while they got in contact with the owner

anyway, the owner showed up, looking haggard, and was like “yeah, she keeps managing to get loose. i’m surprised she came here, she usually goes to Wells Fargo.”

and my mom was like.... what?? and the dog owner was like “yeah ever since she started getting loose, she.... always goes to banks. we can’t figure out why.”

anyway the dog is fine and (they’re gonna crate train her or something) but how bananas fucking Wild is it that this dog escaped, multiple times, specifically to go to the bank???? what the fuck

They needed to make a depawsit

leave your laundry on the floor for them

“The Flinch” by Julien Smith

character in a movie: Oh no, angry dog, please don’t bite me!

the dog: I’m at work! I’m doing so good at being at work! I’m barking because my handler gave the sign ‘bark’! I am going to get such a good grade in being a dog actor, which is completely possible to achieve, and normal to want! I am doing a great job! I am proud of myself for doing such a great job! I love this, because I’d make it physically impossible to get anything done if I wasn’t enjoying it! I’m barking!

I love seeing dogs and wolves in movies because they’re acting so vicious but also their tails are wagging so hard unless the post-processing guys specifically edited out the tails (which is slightly less obvious but also hilarious in a different way once you spot it).

This is why I love the dog in the original casting of The Thing so damn much. I have never seen an acting dog move with such a deliberate, calm intent. It was like every single motion and gesture this animal made was intentional.

Apparently, according to the behind-the-scenes documentation, this dog was just fuckin like that. Almost never, if at all, looked at the camera crews and production teams. Never excitedly wagged his tail on set no matter how much of a good boy he was being. If he did, it was the same… deliberate motions.

His name was Jed, and even though he’s a dog, he deserves an oscar. He was an exceptionally good boy.

Jed also played the role of White Fang in the 90s Disney film version!

I honestly can’t imagine a better portrayal of a stoic, aloof White Fang, who gradually softens, than Jed.  Good boy.

That dog knows his job, and knows he’s damn good at it, and knows he’s probably better at his job than his coworkers.

That dog was delivering straight up Shakespearean performances, and he probably was saddled with human coworker who had to make use of such unprofessional things as second takes.

My condolences, Jed, my condolences.

Saw a post like this with negative outlook so I asked for it to be fixed

reylos crying on twitter because Adam Driver explicitly confirmed that Bendemption was never originally in the plans for Kylo....this is justice for the last 8 years, actually

"they were just going to let the last Skywalker die as a Dark Sider???" well he wouldn't have BEEN the last Skywalker if Rian had actually followed through with the clearly foreshadowed revelation that Rey was one and let Finn be the nobody Jedi from nowhere as he was supposed to be

I just.

Eight years of arguing with Reylo stans about how Kylo's trajectory was to show us the long fall of someone continually choosing the Dark even as his father (who he explicitly acknowledged that he still loved!) and other people in his life repeatedly offered him the same choice Luke gave to Vader in ROTJ.

Eight years of noting that the point of Kylo, for JJ Abrams, was that you can be raised with love, support, and stability and still CHOOSE to make bad choices and continue to do so even when offered alternatives.

Eight years of pointing out that Finn and Kylo were deliberate character foils in TFA! Eight years of saying that Finn was supposed to show that goodness can come from anywhere, even a stormtrooper raised as a child soldier with no one to turn to, while Kylo was supposed to show that evil can come from anywhere, even a beloved Rebel's child with a stable childhood with lots of support figures.

Eight years of trying to get through to them that Finn and Kylo were supposed to represent the two choices Rey had as the sequel trilogy's Skywalker: to follow Finn's choices (Luke's choices) and stay in the Light, or follow Ben's choices (Anakin's choices) and surrender to the Dark.

Eight years has led to this moment of Adam Driver casually going "evolving into Ben Solo…that was never part of it" and “Rian took it into a different direction” in an interview on a random Tuesday night. I feel the vindication in this Chili's tonight and it is SWEET

rb this and tell me what ur accent is. this has no purpose except the fact i just realized i could have like... mutuals with cockney accents or newfoundland accents or something and thats just wild

highlights of the responses:

favorite character from any media BUT it has to be a woman. in the tags now go (pls talk to me about your favorite fictional women pls pls pls pls)

like my ideal job is honestly i own an extremely shitty bookstore and cafe and you cant order anything from a menu except cold brew coffee (when we run out, we run out) or you can ask me (i am standing behind the counter) for a drink and i will make you a weird espresso concoction based on what i feel like making and it will always cost a flat 5 dollars (i know, coffee should cost less, but here we are. sometimes the drink will be a scoop of vanilla gelato with an espresso shot poured over. sometimes it will be a coffee seltzer. it will probably just be a regular latte most of the time with sprinkles on top), but sometimes i hand you a grilled cheese sandwich or maybe a novella i like instead. we're only open for three hours between 4-7 in the afternoon btw.

you can also trade me a book in like-new or Good condition for a coffee, but only if it's a book i want to read.

its the sort of place where none of the chairs match but we do have like, five million outlets and i wont say anything if you want to stay there for the three hours we're open and only buy one coffee. honestly if you're cool you can stay later than that but only if you listen to me talk about my wizard novel.

i think what we're really missing in society is third places with bizarre proprieters.

i really wish five hours of sleep was sufficient because going to bed at 2 and waking up at 7 would be heaven but the body keeps score

boss texted me "i appreciate you staying out of the drama in the office"

i literally have no idea what she's talking about

Then you’re doing a fantastic job at it.