one of the most infuriating things about becoming an adult is when you realize that it actually is 10x easier to solve problems by making a phone call vs literally any other communication method

— David Cronenberg, Consumed

he simply can not be stopped

I LOVE TUMBLR MOBILE SO MUCH

This was literally posted by the domino’s official tiktok

Documenting what is quite possibly the best exchange I have ever seen on this website.

He will not be exiled again

I enjoy all parts of this post. The trans leash, the confusion, the heartfelt display of affection we give to our pets. The biography, the history lesson, and the morality of keeping cats indoors are all bonuses.

genuinely one of the saddest parts of this new era of the internet is how hard it is to rick roll someone now. with people's attention spans shortening so much, they wouldn't even get through the first few bait seconds before clicking off the video. like i saw a comment that ended with "btw i made all of this up" and the replies kept treating it so seriously because none of them finished the entire 4 sentence comment. and We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I (do I) A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

PERSEUS-

this text i got from my mom a few hours ago is so hysterical she doesnt even use peacock she literally went on it for the first time and Dickbreath the Mysterious awaited her with an outstretched finger

i think we shouod terraform earth to make it completely flat because itd be fun

i meant completely smooth but flat it actuwlly funnier

new flat earth thearoy: we could do it

Who is taylor swift. Has anyone heard of john carpenter's "the thing"

High potential for funniest thing a person could say on this post. Thank you so much

opened my mobile kindle app for the first time in a while and it immediately started harassing me about le morte d'arthur

so my sister's dog is named communist gun, but we call him red. right? and every once in a while when she wants him to jump on someone she goes "red scare!" and recently ive been trying to get him to jump on people when i go "mccarthyism!" but it's not working yet

oh this is absolutely the wrong blog. please ignore