me as a gf trying to be cute: oh hey my….soft cantaloupe…gentle chili flake….dominos 2 for 1 deal….

Heyyyy guess what? @iessos and I are the nonbinary/genderqueer lesbians in this post and seven years later we’re still going strong!!! We’re getting married in October 🖤💜 here’s some selfies of us this past year heeheehee ✨

this text i got from my mom a few hours ago is so hysterical she doesnt even use peacock she literally went on it for the first time and Dickbreath the Mysterious awaited her with an outstretched finger

Took a wrong turn somewhere

i took a nap and woke up in all these goddam spinanch

you jack off all trades?

they want lunch to be twenty bucks now

EVERYONE BE QUIET I CAN HEAR CHEESE

Mom. Get out. I'm doing spells.

still one of the funniest dms ive ever seen one of my friends recieve

Noooo dont burn and stick to the bottom of my pan youre so flavorful and essential to my cooking process haha

“Your pet would eat you if you died near it” yeah well so would a lot of people. My pet isn’t special. I give them food meal & never let them outside. Are they gonna open wet food themselves when I’m gone? Are you stupid? If I have to be the wet food to buy a little guy some time so be it. Fuck off

yay

New Crow Time 🐦‍⬛🦊🌟

New Crow Time 🐦‍⬛🦊🌟

Yeah you're right. It WOULD be pretty fucked up if you were a swan but you were raised by ducks and you grew up never seeing another swan or even knowing that such a thing as a swan even existed so you just thought you were a duck with something super wrong with it.