@clevernewdimension / clevernewdimension.tumblr.com
I saw the news. On one hand I’m so happy that they are fighting against SM. They’ve been used and abused for too long and don’t deserve such treatment anymore. Jongdae, Minseok and Beakhyun, I am so proud that you all are defending yourselves!
On the other hand I’m sad. I hope they all leave SM and keep their name and own themselves. That’s the dream. But I don’t see SM letting that happen easily.
Overall I just want them to be happy.
Hello everyone! I’m not dead, I’ve just been struggling with health problems and grief. Had to get multiple surgeries and things like that have really killed my desire to write for these last two years I think? Three?
I’m sorry it’s taken so long. I’ve put myself first for the first time in my life but I’m starting to want to write again. No promises for frequent updates but I’ll try to write when I can.
Thank you all for reading and enjoying what I’ve written. It means a lot to me!
i hope every white person on here who made liking kpop and anime and kdramas and shit like that a part of their online identity is doing something to boost AAPI charities/mutual aid today.
These links have been spread around before but:
This is a Twitter thread updated frequently with links for community resources/mutual aid.
Here is a gofundme for the AAPI Community Fund
Asian Women's Shelter, an organization helping Asian women leave abusive relationships
This is a link to 50 Asian Community Orgs you can donate to
So it’s been a while. And it will likely be a while before I post something else.
I’m actually making a huge change in my life and am moving across the state. Almost to a completely different state, just like... five minutes from a new one actually.
I was offered to work at a completely different place in the company and I took it because it would be more secure, more money and better benefits. It also gets me close to friends who I will be able to see in lawn chairs in my yard about ten feet apart. It is still a pandemic after all.
I’m still emotionally just... ruined. My therapist said that a change like this could be very good for me. So I’m making these steps.
I’m really sorry to everyone who followed who want frequent updates. I wish I could give them to you but I just cant. At this moment in my life I have to put me first. I hope all of you understand.
My puppy and I are off on a new adventure and when we are settled in and I have everything sorted, I will come back. In the mean time I want to say thank you to everyone who has messaged me. There is so much love from you guys that it makes me cry knowing that even if we don’t know one another you care enough about me to send me those messages. Good cry, I promise.
I’m not going to have internet for a while so I’ll only be on tumblr through my phone, but I will be here just fangirling away too. Just not as frequently.
Thank you all. Any of you who are sticking by me though this are ride or dies and I appreciate the hell out of all of you <3
Parts: Preview, Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven, Part Twelve, Part Thirteen, Part Fourteen, Part Fifteen (Coming soon!)
Genre: Action, drama, romance, sci-fi, etc.
Paring: Jongin x Character
Word count: 4.1K
A/N: I have been a mess, but I’ve managed to write this. Thank you all for your support. It’s been hard to write for me, but I’m trying because it’s what y’all deserve after being so wonderful and kind to me. Just... be sure to tell your loved ones that you love them and tell them often. Because you will never know when it will be the last time they hear you say it.
she's gone and im just so lost and
My mom has constant seizures now, can speak, and needs 24/7 care. I did this with my grandmother and I think I'm honestly falling apart. She has hospice, stopped chemo after it caused swelling in her brain. This was about a month ago and now it's bad. The doctor said it was looking like she had either days or, at monster, a few weeks left.
I'm 29 and I'm going to lose my mother. She will never see me get married. We will never be able to watch baking/cake decorating shows together again. She took me to my first concert to an artist we both love that I will never be able to listen to without crying. I will forever regret stopping myself from being photographed in pictures with her due to insecurity. I will forever regret not going to fish with her. I will forever regret not having the mental strength she had for me for her in her time of need.
I don't know if I can do this and I'm scared she would hate me if I walked away from being her primary caregiver. This is the second time i have had to do this and I'm honestly so completely shattered from doing this for my grandmother that I never recovered.
I'm scared she doesn't know I love her even if I have to walk away from these responsibilities and it is fucking killing me.
I don't want to lose her but I don't want her to suffer and I'm scared.
mom’s in the hospital. It’s looking bad and I’m absolutely terrified I’m going to lose my mother.
fuck cancer. fuck 2020. fuck all the people who go maskless since because of covid she can only have one person see her a day and since my step dad is the one making her medical decisions, it’s gotta be him. i may not be allowed to see my mom before she passes. i may not ever see her again.
Just a little life update.
My mom is doing ok. The chemo is rough for her, and she’s on a fuck ton of pain and nausea meds, but it seems like the growth in her is slowly shrinking. I’m all in the clear too, but I’m more worried about her than anything. She love sit when I bring Apollo over so he can just love on her and nap in her lap. He loves her so much it’s adorable.
I feel like I’m just hanging on most of the time. I rarely see friends and when I do we social distance with masks the whole time. Which sucks but it’s for the best for my mom. But fuck could I use their hugs right now, you know? I’m also sad about Chen enlisting because I just hope he knows that there are still fans out here who understand and support him.
The only thing in my life I’m looking forward to right now is literally all the video games coming out. I’m finally jumping on an Assassin’s Creed game for the first time with the new one and (fingers crossed) Cyberpunk 2077 will FINALLY come out. Literally that’s the only thing I’ve been looking forward to outside of like... EXO solos and stuff. Also my new laptop can fun some games, so I’ve been playing Hades in my spare time just letting my anger out at something other then bottling it all up. I’ve also been going to therapy, which is helping be cope with the stuff my mom is going through along with still not being fully over the death of my grandmother. That insight into myself was NOT FUN but defiantly needed.
Lastly, let me take the last bit of this to just say to VOTE IF YOU CAN. My state is letting everyone vote Absentee because of Covid, which is awesome. I did that already. If they didn’t let us I’d have to actually wait and go on election day because we don’t have early voting. Just vote if you can! Even I voted, and I’m pretty sure that my vote will be drowned out because of where I live, but I still did it just in case.
Sorry once again for not updating. I’m just... when my mind has been like it is for the past few months, I just kind of can’t find motivation to write. I will try when I can. I’m taking from November 17th until December 1st off because it’s vacation time and it’s a ‘use it or lose it’ sort of deal. I’ll see if I can manage to write something if not before then, then by then.
You all have been so kind and supportive of me over the years I’ve been writing. I truly feel the kindness and the compassion even if we don’t actually see one another face to face. Please know that I appreciate all of you with every fiber of my being <3
I feel bad for leaving you all high and dry. But literally all of my free time is taken. Some days I don’t even sleep. I know these are just excuses, but it means a lot that you all are sticking with me through this. And for your kind words. I can’t tell you how much they’ve helped! Thank you all <3
If I have one more person tell me that it’s ‘not that bad’ I’m going to fucking lose it. Yes, Jan, your mom survived cancer. She had breast cancer, the five year survival rates for that are 80+%. My mom has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Five year survival rates are about 2%. She may not live past 3 months even with chemo and radiation. So shut the fuck up, it’s not the goddamn same at all. Stop telling me to be hopeful. Stop telling me that all she needs is positivity. Just fucking STOP.
I just... I have no where else to rant about this and I need to let it out. I have one ‘friend’ who keeps saying how it’s ‘not that bad’ and it’s PISSING ME OFF.
its cancer. even before the biopsy they know. theres some spots on her liver. biopsy will just tell us what kind and were she goes from there. just feel numb to everything right now.
hug your loved ones. tell them how much they mean to you.
fuck cancer
I’m pretty much recovered by my mother went to the doctor and they found a tumor on her pancreas. Could be cancerous, but either way she’ll have to have surgery. Caught it very early, so this could be a good sign.
I know this sucks and I hate asking all of you to wait more, but for me my family always has and always will come first.
I understand if some of you are upset. But I truly thank all of you for being more than patient with me. I may post something soon, but regular updates are not in the near future. I’m very sorry.
Send all your prayers and good thoughts to Lebanon. I’ve just woken up and... it’s an absolute tragedy. So many innocent people. So many emergency serveries workers... all gone. My heart hurts for them. For what the pain of the loved ones lost feels like. The aftermath of this will be felt for a long time. I’m not sure how it happened, but do what you can to help. I don’t know of any places to donate to help monetarily, so if any of you do, please share! I know giving money can’t bring back those who died. It can’t stop it from happening or rewind time. But perhaps we can help the people who are hurting.
I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry. I wish it didn’t happen. The world cries for you. I hope we will come together to lift Lebanon up and help as much as we can.
May those who have been lost rest well and peacefully.
I’m sorry to hear you got the virus. I’m glad you getting better and hope you’ll continue to get better. 🙏🏽💜 Keep fighting love!!
Always fighting! I will bring myself back from the dead just to be sure thing shit won’t kill me. I’m that stubborn.
Please take every precaution, though. It honestly is the worst physical thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. Please stay safe and try not to be around idiots who don’t take this seriously for too long!
what the fuck? someone spit on you because they were told to wear a mask? and people cheered them on? what the fuck? those dumb fucks literally got you sick because of their "freedom" bullshit? please get well soon we are praying for you! (I still can't believe people's sheer stupidity wtf) take your time with recovery ♥️
Welcome to the deep South were people care more about themselves than each other. If I could afford to leave and take my family out of this hell hole I would.
Thank you! It is a pretty open and shut case of assault so when the case finally comes (slower because covid, and he made bond.) it looks like there is no way this person isn’t going to jail. Sad part is that his mother was actually very sorry (She was a teacher at my high school, I learned) and she’s pretty much cut him out after this and some other things. She also makes the best homemade chicken noodle soup!
In case you’re wondering what having Covid is like, today is the first day since I told y’all I go it that I feel a little bit better than death warmed up. I have to constantly monitor my breathing. If it becomes any worse than it is I have to go to the ER. It. Fucking. Sucks.
Wear your goddamned masks or I swear to fucking god I will not feel sorry if you get this.
