The only thing that would make today better would be having this fudge back in my life • • • After an MRI, 2 physical therapists and an ortho, I officially have the OK to go back to lifting weights and I'm BEYOND ECSTATIC! • • • Turns out it's a nerve and muscular imbalance issue. The muscles in my posterior shoulder compartment/rotator cuff are weak as hell, so my elbow takes on most of the effort during pushing movements and can't stabilize the weight like my shoulder should, which is causing elbow pain. • • • On top of that, the muscles in my chest/front shoulder compartment are literally so tight they're likely pinching down on the nerve that runs down my arm, which is causing numbness when I lift overhead. • • • Basically, I can't do any pushing/overhead movement right now while we strengthen the rotator cuff and floss the nerve. Which are my favorite movements...BUT I'm still gonna go after it and do everything else that I can 😁 • • • PUMPED to get together a training plan and start lifting again 💪 thanks to everyone for their kind thoughts and words while I deal with this and get back to exercising 🙏 (at Point Lobos State Natural Reserve) https://www.instagram.com/p/B35r9lxJUzc/?igshid=v5f7eot7u3mv

Throwback from Cali and the girl who insists on editing all of our trip pictures 📸@isabel.dd UPDATES ⤵⤵ • • • ➡ Personal Training: I'm happy to say that I'm OFFICIALLY an ACE Certified PT 😁 It was humbling to realize through this process that being a good trainer/coach is admitting what you don't know & constantly seeking knowledge to make you better for the sake of your clients. On that note...here's what I'm working on: ••• ☑ A 3-4 month training program, designed to help people who don't know how to train in a gym setting or who don't know how to structure a program. It will help you increase strength, muscle, and overall fitness, and be more goal-oriented. It will TEACH you how to work out and personalize a program to fit YOU, so you don't have to be dependent on it forever, and you'll have access to me for help. ☑ Intake forms for people who are looking for a more one-on-one, personalized coaching/training experience. Maybe you have specific athletic goals, work better with a coach, or just want to have more focused goals and some guidance. • • • ➡ Future posts are coming as I continue to finalize both these, detailing the one-time training plan and coaching options. ➡ If you're interested in either, please email/DM me to be added to a waiting list and be the first brought on as a client as soon as everything is finalized. ➡ I'm doing this because I love it, and because I believe people deserve accessible knowledge & training in fitness, not because I need the money - a very lucky & privileged position to be in. So on top of it being hella cheap, the prices will also be sliding scale. Even if you don't think it's in your budget, but you're interested, definitely DM/email me, because I'm sure we'll find a way to make it work for you. ➡ As always, if you want in-person training but don't live in the DFW area here in Texas, I know a ton of highly qualified and very experienced trainers, coaches, and gyms around the country that are LGBTQ-friendly or focused, weight-neutral, and with other qualifications (trauma-informed, etc.) I'm happy to refer you to any of them!! 🌈 (at Point Lobos State Natural Reserve) https://www.instagram.com/p/B32S-9kJ32L/?igshid=1vc72a5e8ph7z

I'm honestly really sad things went down that way. I'm not saying I expected any serious relationship or anything but I really thought we had a good time together. It meant enough to me that I wanted to at least stay involved somehow. I wish I'd just been kept involved in what was going on so I didn't feel so blindsided. So I didn't feel like the intimate moments we shared were meaningless to them. Which I guess just makes them completely meaningless. Like I was just something to dull the loneliness until something real and tangible and serious came along, and our flirting and plans and banter were completely forgotten.

I'm going to new york to celebrate my birthday with my family and I'm sad about it because I don't feel comfortable calling up and saying hi. I'm not like, consumed by this shit - life has been going relatively well lately, and I'm motivated and happy and content. But this keeps coming to mind, keeps nagging me. I just feel like I made an amazing friend and potentially lost them in the span of a few months - and that's what makes me sad the most. Hopefully I haven't. Maybe I'll feel ready to text then hello again. Maybe they'll actually see it this time.

Ohhhh boy. • • • Dealing with this injury has been a little more difficult than I imagined it would be. Originally thought to be attributed strictly to muscle imbalances, it is most likely also caused by small tears in the ligament of the shoulder socket. Long story short, I'm getting an MRI next week. • • • It's intimidating to think what the MRI could come out showing. I'm trying to push the possibility of surgery as far away as possible, but it's always a terrifying possibility. • • • In general, that plus not being able to do literally any upper-body work has made me feel a lot less motivated. Not that I'm bothered by focusing on training legs, but it can take you down, when you've gotten to a point of identifying yourself as one type of athlete and then a huge part of what that means is suddenly taken from you. • • • I've been pretty down dwelling on that, and haven't been able to find the drive to train in a while. But today I found some. I had to just look at myself in the mirror and remember where I started, what my goals are, and how far I've come to even get here. Injury or not, just gonna keep taking it one day at a time. (at North Richland Hills, Texas) https://www.instagram.com/p/B3DCIYFpfyy/?igshid=x6rddw5luod8

Starting to understand what people mean when they talk about not getting a return on one's emotional investment in a relationship

Like I do shit with/for people, share space and time and intimacy and my body (of course, because I want to, not out of a sense of obligation). But I share all those things only with people who make me feel safe enough to do so, and partially they make me feel safe because I assume that it means to them what it means to me. I assume that they're gonna respect our relationship by keeping me in the loop when things change, checking in with me, making space for me in their lives the way I do for them. Idk. Maybe that's expecting too much from people. Maybe I shouldn't always give so much of myself to others.

Whatever. Lesson learned I guess

So much of the fitness industry is trying to sell you crap that ultimately - and I say this from experience - makes NO difference in achieving your goals. Supplements, a diet that's supposedly going to change your life, a machine that will just sit in your house, unused, making you feel guilty every time you see it. • • • I fell into this trap early with supplements. Don't know how I missed this but, I was getting all my "knowledge" from articles on the same website where I was buying most of my supplements, and I've rotated through almost everything out there believing it was essential. If I saw that one of the bodybuilders I followed used a certain stack, so would I, thinking it would make a difference. • • • Honestly? Don't believe the hype. No single supplement is gonna keep you from losing your muscle or gaining more. Unless you're a competitive-level bodybuilder, or have specific dietary needs, supplementation probably won't make a difference and definitely shouldn't be what you rely on. • • • My biggest takeaway from years of trying things, is to really research for yourself what you think could benefit your goals. Follow researchers, nutritionists and academic publications as much as you follow influencers and competitors. Get consistent training/nutrition goals established first. Then you can try things for yourself and see what works. Some people might benefit from certain supplements, but that doesn't mean you will, or even most people. • • • The 3 things I've always had in my stack because I find from MY experience they've helped ME significantly in meeting training/nutrition goals are: protein shakes (recently switched to vegan protein in February, still seeing results 💪), pre-workout (caffeinated; stim-free has never done anything for me), and creatine monohydrate (none of that "3 different types of creatine mix" stuff). • • • If you wanna know why I use these specifically, comment/DM me! If you already use supps & want to switch to vegan, use "SMOL" at @runeverythinglabs for a discount. But remember to focus on the work you need to do to meet your goals first, before you get sucked into the fitness industry money-spending black hole 🕳️ https://www.instagram.com/p/B2fOp7kJaGA/?igshid=zre8kao9scm6

I know this account is supposed to be for regular fitness updates and I've been off and on but I've just been super introspective lately. Just figuring stuff out. • • • So the thing is I've had pretty bad elbow pain for like, 6 months now. I've basically just been pushing through it for a while, but the past two months it was causing numbness and tingling in that arm...to the point I had to give in and finally see a PT about it. • • • Turns out it was my (posterior) shoulder being weak and unstable this whole time. Long story short, I've had to cut out out all my push/arm days. A part of me hates (shoulder day is my fave 😭), but a tiny and growing part of me is grateful. I've been taking advantage of the days I do PT work for my arm/shoulder to also work on core and glute strength/stability, and lengthening tight lower body muscles, all of which has been inhibiting my training overall. • • • I'm realizing more and more that "mobility" is just a buzzword that so many toss around, but few people who say it really know what it means or how to implement it (and you know that because they either don't really have it or can't explain it to you). And even less will talk about stability, or the need for BOTH in order to succeed in ANY athletic endeavor, including bodybuilding. • • • Be PROACTIVE in your training - whether you're a professional or just a casual gym-goer - to incorporate mobility and stability work every day. Protect yourself from future injury and, even better, train better and harder by doing mobility/stability correctly. My go-to has always been @squat_university. Don't be a dum-dum like me and just ignore tiny signs until four years later you can't do more than 6 reps of a military press because you suddenly can't feel your arm 🙃🙃🙃 📸 @isabel.dd as always since literally my whole page is just me in Cali now (at Downtown Long Beach, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2Pw0gWJ1Rp/?igshid=6y250kxyemqi

Candid of me and my favorite source of protein after rolling out of bed together 🍳😍 • • • Nothing concerns me more than finding out someone doesn't eat after a workout, fitness class, or just a very physically intense activity. • • • Does that mean I'm overly involved in other people's business? Uh...maybe 😅 But we have to eat, y'all. Your body needs food for energy - it needs protein to help the muscles you just used recover, it needs carbs and fats to restore all the energy you just used. • • • I've had so many people in my day-to-day life ask me about eating carbs before bed, about skipping or not skipping breakfast, so many questions that ultimately have little effect on your fitness and health goals. The truth is, the most important nutrition advice I could give anyone is that you should always eat around your workouts or strenuous physical activities. Eating before your workout can depend on if you're choosing to work out fasted or not, sure - but no matter what, always eat after your workout. • • • Food is part of your body's recovery process. If you don't put as much care and intention into your recovery as you do into your workouts, then all the work you did in the gym (or wherever) will be...pointless. You might plateau quickly/stop seeing any progress at all, and potentially feel the effects of physical/mental exhaustion in your daily life. • • • The point is: don't be afraid of food! EAT!!! 😏🍝🍴 (at Signal Hill, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/B1ucfSdJMpl/?igshid=uqex28ag6h4d

If you look hard enough you'll see my tricep flexing from how hard I grab the sides of the machine 🙃 arm work on leg day...?? • • • I've always had trouble feeling my quads work on leg day exercises but a couple things that always help: ➡ Slow down the movement! Fight the weight the whole way down the eccentric portion of the rep. When you get to the bottom, stop for 1-2 seconds and HOLD IT before pushing back up. ➡ There's a reason I'm grabbing the handles so hard! You need to keep your spine neutral, and especially glue your ass to the seat! When people get to the bottom of the rep, you'll often see their butt come up when their legs have reached the limit of their mobility. This leads to unnecessary loading of the spine/low back and takes tension off your quads! • • • Finding time to work out with this new work schedule (5 am - 1:30 pm) has been challenging but I managed to get some sessions in. Now that I'm settled it's definitely gonna be a bit easier. (at NRH Centre) https://www.instagram.com/p/B1mGbUonZUy/?igshid=15q8scy6hjdn5

Today I squatted better than I have in a long time. I was so happy, I didn't even think to film it until after I left the gym. • • • Squatting completely changed the way I think about fitness. From the first time I got under the bar, I knew something was always off, felt wrong, and it made me hate squatting. I've skipped so many leg days it's embarrassing - not because of it was intense, but just because I was so frustrated at how exhausting it was trying to feel the squat in my quads, but feeling it literally everywhere else, and never in a good way. Putting more than 20 lb on a barbell was terrifying. • • • Luckily, I never quit squatting. I was always looking for new info on anything to do with how to squat - everything from strength training plans to squat mechanics, from physiological effects that take place during the movement to squatting for specific goals. Every time I was ready to quit, I'd take a step back, do some research, then get back under the bar. • • • It took a while to discover there were a number of issues - core & knee instability, lack of glute/hip strength, hamstring dominance, and my recent discovery, ankle and upper back/shoulder immobility. I've spent months working on ankle mobility so that I can finally get a high bar squat to parallel and today it FINALLY happened - knees went past the toes, everything locked into place, no lower back pain or heels off the ground, and I could look straight ahead. • • • The point of this post is twofold: one, don't be afraid to branch out. Although it was from a very well-known bodybuilder that I first heard of "mobility," it wasn't until I started following powerlifters & weightlifters that I discovered this wealth of knowledge, that not only improved my squat but taught me to enjoy working on it. • • • The 2nd point is self-explanatory - don't ever give up. It's so corny but so true. I don't expect to ever break any squat records, but the joy I experience knowing what it felt like squatting 4 years ago vs now, it's a really special feeling. • • • You deserve to reach your fitness goals, too, & to find joy through movement - whether you're an athlete, train for fun, or whatever your reason. (at Downtown Sausalito, Sausalito) https://www.instagram.com/p/B1NKpQlpbbS/?igshid=8962a9t4of5n

*gets on soapbox while driving* • • • I was gonna make a "back from Cali" post but that will just have to wait. The other day was the second time someone close to me was negatively impacted by intermittent fasting. I'm not gonna go into the details, but I just wanna talk about it briefly. • • • IF and fasting in general has been trending a lot lately - understandably, as it's been shown to have various positive health effects, and can assist in "more rapid fat-loss" if that's a goal of yours. I go on and off an IF diet as well and have since August of last year, and it mostly just makes it easier for me to eat all my food in a smaller time frame, since there are some times a day I'm too busy. • • • There are also inherent risks to IF, as most of the research done has been either on animals or in the short-term. Long-term effects - positive or negative - are pretty much unknown. IF can also make you feel fatigued, foggy, irritable. If you're not careful with your water and alcohol intake, sleep, etc., you can seriously screw with your body. It can trigger more disordered eating patterns in those with ED risk factors. • • • If you already have issues with blood sugar levels, digestion, or anything that might be affected, please do research before changing the way you eat and discuss with your doctor (if you have one). Ease into changes so you don't shock your body. Remember that your body is special, and it needs to be cared for attentively. (at Lake Cachuma) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0y3dMGpbsp/?igshid=1u645fduo55ia

Yeah yeah, my backpack is open, I heard • • • Proud to have ended this period of leaning out accomplishing all of my goals: ☑ getting my abs to show up enough to see them a little ☑ understanding my body and how it responds to certain foods, higher fat vs. higher carb diets, intermittent fasting, etc. ☑ keeping my other functional fitness goals in check without allowing myself to be consumed by diet goals ☑ finding forms of cardio I actually enjoy • • • I reached these goals right before I came to Cali, and could also feel my sense of self/body image taking a hit as I had rushed a bit the process of leaning out. The timing was excellent - this trip is exactly what I needed to pull out of the harsh diet mindset and recenter. • • • Setting goals and being consistent is important in order to get where you want to be, but being realistic and employing forgiveness is important to avoid being overly-critical. I know first-hand as a perfectionist what you can accomplish when you're self-critical, but I also know the harm it can do to your psyche. The fastest way to burn out and give up is get frustrated with yourself when things don't go your way. • • • I don't bodybuild to compete (at least not yet), but I'm in this thing for the long-haul - I love it! And I don't ever want to stop loving it. So when I reach a deadline I've set for myself, I'm always proud of myself for the accomplishments I've reached. I look at the misses, see what went wrong, and make a plan to fix it for next time. No need to beat myself up for not getting as big or as lean as I wanted because progress is still progress, and I'm constantly learning more about my body and improving with time. What's the rush? (at Castro District, San Francisco) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0TwMQjBXzM/?igshid=1pva75oixbb45

Is it the best v-taper in the world? Definitely not. But is it progress from where I was just a year ago? Most def 😎 • • • I love the look at the end of a solid bulk, no matter how "clean" or "dirty" it was (I gotta find new language for that because damn, that rubs me the wrong way...you should never associate joyful eating with being "less clean"). (at San Francisco, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0Jj8E-pqmr/?igshid=1cg0tmrn8de89