Bucky: Has anyone seen Y/N and Tony?

Steve: I think they're taking a walk outside. Said something about "A very important conversation".

*Tony, and Y/N outside*

Y/N: At my funeral you have to leave my casket closed and play Pop goes weasel-

Tony, writing it down: Ok, what else?

Y/N: Take the bouquet off my casket, throw it into the crowd, and whoever catches it you have to say you're next.

Tony, still writing it down: Like the opposite of a wedding?

Y/N: Yes!

Tony: *Pauses and looks at Y/N*

Tony: I love it!

Tony: What the hell is wrong with you?

Y/N: I have this weird self-esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I’m better than everyone else.

Natasha: *before a mission* Who’s turn is it to give a pep talk?

Steve: *sighs* Y/N’s…

Y/N: *stands dramatically on the table* All right, people, let’s fuck shit up out there and not die!

Tony: *wipes away a fake tear* So inspirational

[Natasha speaking Russian]

Y/N, sighing: Yeah, I know.

Tony: You speak Russian?

Y/N: No. I just know the phrase, "This is all your fault"

Y/N: She says it a lot.

Y/N: If we all end up dying, I'm going to miss this.

Kaz: If we all die, you're not really going to miss much of anything but I appreciate the sentiment.

Y/N: And?

Kaz: And what?

Y/N: Is there anything in particular you're going to miss?

Kaz: Do you have something particular in mind?

Y/N: Well, I don't know maybe someone in particular?

Kaz: Kruge?

Y/N: I said someone. Just admit it, you would miss me wouldn't you?

Kaz: Obviously.

i do enjoy in survival-esque escape-type movies when someone gets hurt and someone else is like “i can help, don’t worry i’m a doctor.” like. they’re probably not lying, but they totally could be

just once i want the villain in the movie to be revealed as the person in the group who said they were a doctor and everyone had just taken them at their word because why the fuck would you lie about that

i can’t believe all the bad luck and injuries that have befallen our little group. good thing we have Dr. Hedical Halpractice with us

now THIS is a concept!

Also, cannot stress enough that Dr. Hedical Halpractice does NOT have some sort of doctorate in an unaffiliated field like a fun switcheroo, he just LOVES lying and is a HUGE asshole

okay!

My husband’s job primarily employs adult men but there is one (1) teenage girl and my husband said originally he worried she might be a bit of an outcast but instead every man on the crew was like “huh guess I am a dad/older brother now.”

She was in a car crash on the way to work one morning and called my husband to let him know she’d be late and he was like wtf guess I’m gonna be late too because I’m coming to pick you up and then he told his team and they were like I think you mean WE are coming.

Imagine you are a teenage girl probably rushing to get to work and you crash your probably new car and feel absolutely miserable and now you’ll be late to work but then suddenly in the distance a car full of all the adult men you work with just pulls up and is like “we came all the way here to pick you up” the mental image right now is fr.

Apparently she tried to call her dad but it was 3am and he was obviously sleeping so she called my husband and he not only came to find her but fished her glasses out of the hood of the car (she’d dropped them while looking inside), drove her to the hospital, and told her to take the day off. She insisted on coming back to work so he used his lunch break to watch TV with her to make sure she didn’t doze off (concussion risk).

You’ve heard of the Mom friend but my husband is very much the Dad friend. He said when he answered the phone she said “hey please don’t be mad” and he’s never felt such powerful Fatherhood energy in his life.

Girl: *calls for aid*

Every single dad packed into the car:

This is possibly my favorite response to this post

This girls father: Thanks for helping my daughter out guys

Your husband and all his coworkers:

Blind people must save a lot on electricity.

They do actually!

I had a blind professor, last semester, and I swung through his office to make up an exam. It was a while before I knew he was in there because he was sitting with the lights off. I finally went in, apologized, and took the exam by the light of a nearby window (which was fine). Forty-five minutes into dead silence he panicked and yelled in this booming voiced, “WAIT, YOU CAN SEE!!!” before diving across his desk to turn on the lights. I’m sure he was embarrassed but I thought it was endearing and it highlighted a large aspect of disabled life that I hadn’t previously considered.

Sort of relatedly I once had professor who was deaf, but she had learned to read lips and speak so she could communicate easily with hearing people who didn’t know sign language. One day she had gotten off topic and was talking a little about her personal life, so that one of the students said “Oh, I know, I grew up in Brooklyn too.” 

She stared at him for a long time and then said “How do you know I’m from Brooklyn?”

And he said “You have a Brooklyn accent.”

She said “I do?” and the whole class nodded, and then she burst out laughing and said “I had no idea!  The school where I learned to speak was in Brooklyn.  I learned by moving my mouth and tongue the way my teachers did.  So I guess it makes sense that I have their accent, I just never thought about it.”

My moms a sign language interpreter, and she’s signed with people from all over the US. According to her, when she signs with people from the south they sign with a “drawl.” They have slower hand movements and exaggerate certain parts of the sign. People from the Midwest sign very fast and people from the south sign very slow.

So we were at a restaurant once and my mom started interpreting for someone who was trying to order and she was like “oh you’re from the south!”

And they were like “how did you know that?”

And she said “you sign with a drawl.” And they were really surprised that it came through that much.

It’s really interesting that even when not speaking verbally accents and heritage come through.

Humans are so fucking fascinating

A lot clicked for me when my mom said the reason she was so reactive towards me as a kid was that she assumed intent behind things I did, rather than recognizing my behaviors for being normal kid behaviors or normal autism behaviors. So I got treated as if I was an adult who was intentionally doing things to upset her. She'd react to me like I had the maturity and wherewithal to do things in a cruel or manipulative way, making her life harder, when I was just existing. Just trying to learn how to cope and be a person myself. When she told me this I stopped in my tracks trying to process. Why would anyone's default assumption be that a kid is trying to antagonize them instead of like, struggling with something they're experiencing? But she was also raised the exact same way, treated like everything she did carried the weight of adult responsibility, not seen as a kid.

As a child therapist who focuses on audhd kids THIS!! So often parents put intent behind kids actions when it’s just “kid trying to feel safe and comfortable”. babies are not trying to “manipulate “ you, kids and teens are just pushing back to figure out the boundaries of their world, if a kid doesn’t like something don’t force it on them. Stop expecting better emotional regulation from your child than you’ve ever shown them.

Stop expecting better emotional regulation from your child than you've ever shown them.

love House MD because House is the MAIN CHARACTER at that hospital and there's no attempt to hide this. as the viewer you are fully aware that those nurses in the elevator are just extras. the boss's entire schedule consists of yelling at him. the head of oncology would rather prescribe him controlled meds and flirt than practice oncology. his team's only desires are to fuck him and strangle him, often at the same time. every other doctor at the hospital might as well be a cardboard cutout.

the walls are glass, the better to see him through. he limps around, commits malpractice, and serves cunt.

long live mid-2000s TV.

'No wonder I'm so respectless, I could eat you lot for breakfast'. The nerve to make this statement in front of two cannibal overlords.

I love that Rosie knows LGBT+ sexualities, but Alastor is too "old-skool" to probably care

Imagine being so old-school you don’t even know your own sexuality. You’re just like “Lover? Never had one. Sex? I’d rather die.”

All’s fair in love and poetry… New album THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT. Out April 19 🤍

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📷: Beth Garrabrant

Will They Say 'I Do'? (Board AF: Love Is Blind)