Well, here I am.

god forbid 5000 year old girls do anything

yeah.

do you ever think about how Wonderland, via the “trust or forsake” game, encourages contestants to make morally questionable and often costly decisions in pursuit of an ultimately hopeless goal? how contestants start off so determined to win a prize they were promised, but never had a chance at receiving — then slowly, become more and more desperate just to survive, and are being prompted to “forsake” others throughout both phases? 

now, do you ever think about Edward and Lydia’s backstory? how they joined a necromantic circle, hoping they could save their ill younger brother, but failed, and from there they were led to lichdom? to eternal life, eternal survival, perpetuated each time they forsake any former compassion they may have held for mortals’ lives?

what did the other necromancers promise them when they joined that cult? were they told they’d surely be able to save Keats — that surely, that prize would await them at the end of this dark and dangerous road? what about what they were told when they consigned their souls to lichdom? nothing justifies the horrors Edward and Lydia perpetuated in Wonderland, but they were not sent down this path alone. it’s questionable whether or not they’re reliable narrators of their story, but it’s still very plausible that they didn’t have ill intentions at the start. 

in modern times, they’re proud of the ruthless path that won them immortality, but… they still compare their resolve in the face of adversity to that of three contestants whom they plan to body-snatch and murder. they see themselves in the heroic quest that they plan to quash! they implicitly acknowledge that no amount of suffering, or determination, or even calculated ruthlessness can save any of them! because in the end, the only things that save THB, the rest of the IPRE, and the multiverse as a whole, are the very things Lydia and Edward turned their backs on? simply trust, and bonds?

Yeah you're right. It WOULD be pretty fucked up if you were a swan but you were raised by ducks and you grew up never seeing another swan or even knowing that such a thing as a swan even existed so you just thought you were a duck with something super wrong with it.

I'm about to wii sports resort to violence

I'm about to have a wii fit

How to draw some meeses. Some cheese bois. Some rodent squadron.

Lemmings don’t jump off of cliffs unless they’re being chased. Frogs don’t stay in boiling water unless they’ve been lobotomized first. Crabs don’t pull each other back into the bucket unless they are desperately and randomly grabbing for anything to try to get themselves out, out of fear for their lives.

Actions taken in specific, negative conditions don’t exemplify the nature of all beings.

Before you mock a sheep for staying with the flock, ask what dogs nip at its heels when it strays too far, and what wolves wait just beyond the edge of the pasture.

i miss the old tumblr days when you annoyed someone even slightly and they went on a multi paragraph rant. one that started with "you know what? no. fuck this. fuck you." and contained insults like "moldy sock" and threats like "i'll steal your kneecaps". all while maintaining the attitude of a YA novel protagonist facing capital punishment rallying troops against a dictatorship.

That’s too funny, you’re not allowed to leave it in the tags.

prev, this is fucking funny

sometimes instead of a horrid little monk, divine visions of lesbians dance in my head dispensing wisdom

Let service industry workers say “fuck” please

I used to work at a sandwich place that also did lattes n stuff. We’d get nasty customers every once in a while, and when we did, we got to unleash Neal. Let me explain...no, it is too much, let me sum up:

The manager moved from the deep south to get this job, he’d been looking for a job in the PNW, and he somehow talked the owners into letting his platonic life mate, Neal, be the Assist Manager. So he, his wife, and his BFF forever come and take over this shop but the owners must not have actually...spoken...to Neal. He was INSANE. I mean, I never had trouble with him, but he frightened the new girls with his crazy eyes, liked knives way too much and looked like one of those tiny white guys who was spoiling for a fight and couldn’t back it up...except he could. 500 pounds of crazy in a 120 pound bag, you might say. But he was perfect, PERFECT for jerk customers who bullied new girls. Here’s an example:

So one day, I’m schlepping sandwiches, and I see the new coffee girl just...get yelled at by this big dude, who seemed way too comfortable yelling at strangers in front of other strangers in a line behind him, and maybe, if this had been somewhere else, he would have gotten away with it, because I have noticed strangers let randos yell at hapless teen college student girls who are tiny and just trying to get a buck man wow that is a whole ass THING anyway I stepped away from my sandwich, went into the back where Neal was slicing vegetables happily with a knife and tapped him in for an intervention.

My man Neal steps out from the back with knife in hand, bless. Steps up to the front and watching the chain reaction of coworkers hiding smiles, customers get big eyes, the new girl being alarmed and confused, and the big dude yelling just...not knowing what was about to happen was this...free show I just ate up om nom nom.

He does the managerial, what seems to be the problem (knife in hand), guy yells, wants his money back. Neal is all, so sorry, sure you can have money back (knife in hand slowly moving), guy yells, new girl steps back, unsure. Neal is all, but you can’t yell, sir, this a place of business, can’t we be reasonable (knife finally rest on counter, now Neal goes for his apron strings uh oh), and all the workers know this means Neal is about to be able to claim he was on break when he punched this guy.

Snacks are coming out. Tea is being drunk. Sandwiches are not being made. The whole place is bated breath on the free show. This is prime popcorn.gif territory irl.

Neal asks the dude to step outside, and the dude goes out! Big plate glass windows, everyone can see but not hear as the beast is unleashed. Neal is up in his grill, not touching, waiting just waiting for the yelling big dude to make the first point of contact. And folks, I am here to tell you that dumbass pushed Neal first and wow have you ever seen a hunting terrier just go for the ankles and take a beast down? It was like that. This guys chickened out so fast from the force of the maniac Assist Mngr ‘on his break’ and it was a beautiful thing to watch. Dude never came back, and the new girl was way more comfortable after that.

So hey. If you ever talk your way into running a shop where you know assholes are going to be mean to your workers, make sure to bring your feral best friend with the crazy eyes who likes knives way too much to defend them.

not to sound like a medieval peasant but, cheese and bread. garlic and butter. a menagerie of spices. potatoes. that’s what life is all about right there.

one of these things is noooot like the others ... ! 😂

So... the medieval period is debated as having ended somewhere between 1450 and 1599, depending entirely on who you ask and what area of study they are in. Given that potatoes were discovered in aproximately 1530 in South America and introduced in the decades following to Spain, at BEST you can GENEROUSLY say that the "late medieval" period had scant access to potatoes.

So, no. Not a peasant food in Europe.

Garlic is native to Middle Asia, brought to Europe by the Romans.

This means OP is either an 18th century French Aristocrat pretending to be a peasant, or someone who is romanticizing the potato.

Let them romanticize the fucking potato. They're delicious. It's what they deserve. (the potato, not the OP)

Do your part to support japanese artists on tumblr by following the らくがき (doodle) tag so you see newly uploaded pieces of art that often get 0-5 notes at best

Nice!

Also rkgk (english style abbreviation of rakugaki (doodle)), thanks to @lycocarpum and @solarpoolsystem! And イラスト (illust[ration]), thanks to @bones-airstrike!

Skimming through those tags, I also saw a fair amount of activity under オリジナル (original), and 創作 (creation).

a great part of speedrunning documentaries/docuseries on youtube on super niche/old games is the fact that, in most cases, the only people with enough in-depth knowledge to make the video in the first place are the top runners themselves. which results in really funny moments where the narrator is like "but in 2016, a new runner would blow the category wide open with a 3-minute time save... meeee :3 teehee"

sometimes people ask why I block out names when roasting an opinion and I think fewer people would ask that if they clicked through a few popular posts and saw that the people who got clowned on are still receiving anon hate years down the line

for every opinion I hold lightly enough to joke about, there is someone whose entire life revolves around holding a much more intense and aggressive version of it. every time a post gets reblogged, the odds of that person not seeing it get closer to zero

Had Padmé been 20-30 years older than anakin instead of 2-3 it wouldve fixed a significant portion of the franchise, including padmé's own chracterization

he whole "'woah we're doing something we shouldn't this is going to ruin both of our lives" doesn't ring true in the original movies cause they're just two beautiful young people doing what they're supposed to do in a story. the cliché kills the dramatic tension. give me a 45 year old woman ruining her career life and reputation because a dumbass 19year old monk is pathetically throwing himself at her feet THAT'll give the audience something to be anxious about. It's not something people expect to happen.

Would also explain why all the authority figures are like "Sure, lets put this notoriously disobedient and hotheaded beautiful youth as the sole escort of an equally beautiful young woman who's had the entire world on her shoulders from childhood. no prophecy twins will result from this". i could see obiwan allowing it because he can't deny anakin anything, but what about the rest of the jedi council??? What about padmé's own people? The choice of anakin as bodyguard looks like bad optics even if nothing actually happens. What about her reputation??? It would've been satisfying if they'd actually leaned into it instead of vague hints. Like padmé says its improper but nothing in the surrounding world actually makes it seem that way. The prequels at least didn't do a good job establishing the jedi as sexless and chaste. They just seem like cool hot guys with swords of COURSE they fuck.

but if she's 45, even if she's beautiful, a lifetime of dutiful service to the republic would make most people go "ah she would never sleep with a teenage monk, doesn't matter if he asks". Plus the general social standards of star wars being actually identical to those of our own society they'll probably be like "well what would a 19year old even want with a middle aged woman?" the thought wouldn't even occur. She'd be desexualized by virtue of her age so of course give her a hot young bodyguard no one (including the audience) is gonna see potential for impropriety

AND NOW WE COME TO ROTS. Its not impossible for a 45 year old woman ti get pregnant (average menopause is 50 i assume also in space until proven otherwise) but it is rarer, and it would make sense of anidala not to have been expecting it. It would also underline, again, that this pregnancy is a genuine threat to their lives and careers, because two young people in love secretly married having a baby is literally fine. its normal. the audience will forgive and even applaud even if the wider society in the movie doesn't. but a 45 year old senator with a secret baby?? that she's KEEPING?? like already in the original she shouldn't have kept the baby but the movie is christian and the audience too the vibe is "noo pregnancy is beautiful its luke and leia awww". We should be SCARED about the pregnancy.

And then, anakin having nightmares about padmé dying in childbirth are no longer obvious prophecies. like young padmé is healthy and rich, she'll have the best medical care theres no reason to think her pregnancy will have complications. It's actually kind of stupid and dismissive for people to say anakin's nightmares are nothing to worry about, especially considering he's had them before! but if padmé is pregnant at 45 the risk of complications is very high even with good medical care, and it would make sense for anakin to just have regular nightmares about it. The pregnancy is not a good thing! its a big risk they're taking in a lot of ways!

It also complicates the "unavoidable fate" thing they did in rots. Like in the original had anakin not tried to do everything to prevent padmé dying in childbirth she actually wouldve been fine. She died of grief while fully healthy which i think everyone can agree was fucking stupid. But if anakin's descent into the dark side, 100% ensured padmé dying (strangling a 45 year old woman who's already endured a huge amount of stress and throwing her to the ground? narratively speaking, either she's not making it or the baby isn't), i think it would be good if we weren't told with absolute certainty "had anakin stayed a jedi she wouldn't have died". It would be more compelling if we didn't know for sure!!

Plus it would make anakin's freakout so much easier to empathize with. Like sure its scary to think of your loved ones dying but the whole movie she's presented as obviously not at risk. Anakin worries but we don't. We should worry! Are we so much better than him? Wouldn't we also be desperate in his position? Or alternatively we refuse to sympathize with his decision to fall in love with a middle aged woman which is uncomfortable and leads us into much more complicated moral questioning than "become evil or stay good?". It would add drama either way!

And it would make both padmé and anakin so much more 3 dimensional as characters. Now they're making strange, emotionally driven and unexpected decisions instead of following the script for romantic lead 1 and 2. Padmé has actual depth and complications! She makes decisions we can't necessarily appove of, keeping the baby becomes a genuine decision with genuine cost instead of "duh, what else is she gonna do?" Her falling in love with anakin actually adds depth to her character and tells us something about who she is instead of turning her into a cliché. Replaying the trilogy in my head with older padmé instead of young padmé she immediately feels like a character with agency instead of a cardboard cutout of the ideal dead wife.

Even in the delicious wonderful scenario where obiwan and padmé have an affair after anakin joins the dark side, if padmé is young it doesn't feel like a decision she's making so much as the circumstances acting upon her, it feels like obiwan is betraying anakin but it doesn't feel like she's actually betraying anything? she just doesn't have enough agency for that to be the case. Giving in to emotion is what a romantic heroine is supposed to do. But older padmé sleeping with obiwan after losing her extremely young husband to the dark side while at most 5 days away from giving birth is like...an actual decision. A complicated woman making unsympathetic choices, giving in to emotion when what's expected of her is dignity. For the THIRD time, she acts out of feeling instead of reason and seals her fate. Its kind of a misogynistic character arc but i don't care id watch the shit out of it. And she HAS a character arc now, instead of nothing.